He never wants sex

[mandylynn28]

Ok, my husband and i have been together 4 years. and we always have the same fight .   He can go a month or more without touching me, and when i bring it up, he says i do not love him i just want sex. when we do have sex..its great. he knows how to please me.  Every guy ive ever been with has really been into sex. so is it a problem with him or me?

[horsechick623]

A related discussion, is it me..or him??? was started.

[sylee]

we have been dating & living together for around  4 years and about a year ago  he stop having sex with me ( maybe once a month) he just bought us a  new home and car for me. but I'm lonely with out a contact what should i do?

he does masturbate daily to porn , i come home  every  day &  check his laptop and he has a different dvd in it  after we moved in i found 3 boxes of porn he won't get rid of it !

[sanjubal]

From you comments "Every guy ive ever been with has really been into sex. so is it a problem with him or me? "  I understood you stay with others for sex. Your spouse knows that?
Then its your problem to change ...No one like that....

[greenlantern]

I wonder if it's psychological.  Does he really love you?  Have you gain weight or made yourself unattractive in some way physical or emotional?  Have you said something that was hurtful in or out of bed in the past? Is he depressed and unhappy with his job, you or life in general?  It can be many different things.  I think one way of tackling this problem is to start with talking to him.  If he's honest, I'm sure you would be able to see the problem or part of it.  Good luck.  

[worthlesslife]

I wish I had your husband's problem. I'm horny all the time. My wife is so freakin' hot its unreal, but she cut off all sex after we had our first child. Growing up my dad was gone alot, so I won't leave my wife for the sake of our son.

At the same time its absolutely driving me insane that prior to having a child my wife was giving me all I could handle (even wearing sexy lingerie to bed). Got pregnant, had a child, and now she uses "I'm tired" as her #1 excuse. Its a lame excuse though considering she'll go 14+ hour days on the weekends entertaining her parents and little brother but at the end of the day on those weekends she won't give her husband even a minute's attention.

Sex every night, sometimes with her appearing all dressed up in sexy lingerie before the act, sometimes sexy twice or even three times a day. Oral sex maybe once a week or so. My life WAS great.

Then she had our baby boy and completely forgot about me. Now our son and her family is the only thing that gets her attention. She doesn't even say "I love you" anymore.

[billybouy]

A bit  too hippy! sounds great but your in a different frame of mind with the , Zen garden,incencestick stuff. Bottom line is. Hes not wanting sex from her, dosnt mean hes not wanting sex or shes unatractive.Im sure hes not wanting water flowing all about him either. It will be certain things that turn  him on ( not water), like loose women, men, body types, no kids,no comittment,fetish perhaps!Any of those.
And how do i know------- im a man!

[PammySue]

Oh, well then I understand completely!!  Kind of like Sponge Bob and Mr. Crabs, LOL!  And crabby patty!!  Oh I just crack myself up!

[PammySue]

Huh?

[esoulc]

I'm sorry....the answer I left was metaphorical....on second thought the problem is definitely you. He's probably cheating on you.

[esoulc]

Maybe he's gay.... From the sound of it, it sounds like your being forceful....which is something that is not in some people's nature to like...even men, contrary to popular stereotype. In situations like this, I say "be like water": that is rather than beating the door down with a wooden stick, turn into water and flow in around the spaces and fill every crevice with understanding, patience and love....explore his ocean with your's....and don't be afraid of what you find. A lot of people look at sex and love as an aqaurium that is yours to look after....sex is an ocean of endless possibilities....sometimes you'll even run across some unpleasant realities...often you'll stumble into a learning experience....it's always all good...know that.

[my3kidsmummy]

Why on earth would you WANT to have sex with him!!??!! You stated in the women's forum that he has cheated on you and has crabs that he is NOT will to get treatment for...again WHY do you want to have sex with him?? I don't mean to sound harsh but you deserve better and shouldn't be with someone how has little value to your healh and saftey by cheating on you. How do you know that that is ALL he has??!! Be strong and leave him.Good luck to you.

[siren of the sea]

if you look in womens issues you will see more info mandy has posted to give you a better sense of what is going on

[sunseeker]

Have him go to the doctor and test for low testosterone levels.  A female co-worker of mine said her husband had his checked and was the cause of his low labido.  Not sure what they prescribed, but she says it did the trick.

[siren of the sea]

does your husband work a lot of hours? worry about finances or do you have children? i ask this because from my experience it can put out the fire for a sex life. was he like this in the beginning, maybe he isnt a very sexual person. its definatly a big deal in a relationship when two people arent on the same page this way. im hoping you have a great relationship and maybe you can word it in a way that would help him to understand you do love him. maybe he can see that its because of your love that you want to share this wonderful experience with him.