Is my boyfriend gay...

[Gradshopper42]

Hello! So I went in my boyfriend’s history and found that he had been watching gay porn. He searches for exactly what he wants to see, it’s not just random vids he watches. And because he searched for exactly what he wanted I know he’s been watching this for some time. He also had various accounts on gay websites for gay men. When I asked him about it he said he doesn’t remember ever making the accounts and that he’s not gay. But everything is pointing in that direction. Also, he asked me if I would l*** his butthole and rub it so I’ve done it to see how he reacts and he loves it. Idk what to do at this point because he denies all the evidence I have about him maybe being curious about men or he’s actually gay or maybe used to be

[AnnieBrooke]

Are you saying that you think your relationship is a sham, or just that you are concerned he might cheat? If the latter, has he promised to be monogamous? A bisexual man is just as capable of sticking with a promise to be faithful as a straight man is. If he has promised fidelity to you and you don't have a reason to think he is cheating, you should probably believe that he can keep his promise. (I will add, I have never been one to think that looking at porn is cheating.)

Can you be satisfied with that, or is it a game changer for you, even if he were to remain faithful to you?

[Gradshopper42]

No offense to anyone but yes that would be a game changer if he was to inform me that he’s bisexual. I would have nothing against him and would wish him nothing but the best but I would not be comfortable with my man having sex with men. And it’s also against my religion being as though I’m Christian.

[AnnieBrooke]

I think if you are having sex with this guy and unmarried, it's a little late to say you disapprove of this guy based on the strength of your religious convictions. But there is nothing surprising about being uncomfortable being in a relationship with someone who might potentially find everyone in the world sexually attractive, versus someone who only would find half of them sexually attractive. In your shoes, I'd assume he is bisexual and say goodbye.

[AnnieBrooke]

ps - You said "I am not comfortable with my man having sex with men," as though, if he was bisexual he would automatically cheat on you. It's fine not to want to be with a bisexual man for other reasons, but don't leap to the conclusion that if a man is bisexual he can't keep a promise of fidelity. I think they can about as much as any man can. Or were you saying "I am not comfortable with the thought that my man ever had sex with men or might be interested in having sex with men"? I encourage you to give him his freedom from the relationship now if you feel that way.

[Gradshopper42]

It’s not really a concern of cheating but more so what he’s interested in and if he did so happen to cheat then what gender would it be with. I’m not saying that people who are bisexual automatically cheat because that’s not true at all. I just don’t feel comfortable being with a man who is attracted to men

[ArjayEss]

There IS a difference between "gay" "homosexual" and "bisexual."  The three are (and, this is in real life) NOT the same. Maybe he's bisexual.  Many (if not most) bisexual men get married, they look and act like any other man, and their cavorts with men are never revealed.  They don't necessarily stay married forever but neither do straight guys these days.  Most never ever approach the wife (or girl friend) for a three way with another man, but a few do.  But now you know.  BTW, the term "gay" is not a sexual orientation.  It is a socio-political orientation (and a made up euphemistic word).  The word you're asking is (he) "homosexual?"  If he's hitting the sack with you he isn't homosexual.  He's, if anything, bisexual. A homosexual man (that's the 3%)  won't willingly get naked with a woman.  And there is an infinite spectrum between the two.