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The Ultimate Mens Health Question !
the ultimate question is... is it true that married men live longer ??? the statistic that claims they do, has been out there for a while now. i don't know if i buy into it. i'm single
and try hard to improve my health as much as i can. i'm happy,
and have many interests and some few good friends. how can
a married man have the edge on me ? please explain this to me.
l.e.
p.s. most married people i know are NOT happy campers,
and they talk about how hard it is to make marriage work.
my brother has been married for a while, and i know he's not happy. even the couples i think love each other, don't often
seem content with their marriage. so how is this beneficial
to a married mans health ?
and try hard to improve my health as much as i can. i'm happy,
and have many interests and some few good friends. how can
a married man have the edge on me ? please explain this to me.
l.e.
p.s. most married people i know are NOT happy campers,
and they talk about how hard it is to make marriage work.
my brother has been married for a while, and i know he's not happy. even the couples i think love each other, don't often
seem content with their marriage. so how is this beneficial
to a married mans health ?
I believe that stat and I think there are a lot of factors that are at work there. In the interest of full disclosure, I am married myself (very happily).
One of my own personal theories is the car theory. A car needs a gas pedal and a brake pedal. In my theory, guys are usually the gas and girls are usually the brakes (steering is not addressed in this chapter LOL). Like any guy, I sure like driving fast. I like doing other things fast too, and the riskier the better. At least, that's how I was before getting married. I am still a lot more of a risk taker than my wife, but being married has tamed that down a lot for me, and I am perfectly happy with that. For instance, it was always a goal of mine as a single guy to go skydiving, though I never quite made it. Now that I am married I have no desire to go skydiving. My priorities of taking care of my family and raising children has effectively put the brakes on seeking that and other similar risky activities. This principle alone, applied across the board, would result in married man living longer on average as they would tend to be less exposed to activities and lifestyles that might result in death.
Guys, left to their own devices, tend to engage in risky behavior. A woman's influence in a man's life (whether directly by nagging or indirectly by a man's own sense of responsibility toward her) has the effect of reducing the risk that a man is willing to accept. I think the influence of a constant female companion also has a soothing effect on a man's normally impulsive aggressive nature and leads to better, more balanced mental health as well as decreased unnecessary risks. And as we all know increased mental health also increases physical health.
The logical conclusion (generally speaking of course) then is:
Marriage increases health and decreases risk of untimely death, which together has a net upward effect on the lifespan of a man.
One of my own personal theories is the car theory. A car needs a gas pedal and a brake pedal. In my theory, guys are usually the gas and girls are usually the brakes (steering is not addressed in this chapter LOL). Like any guy, I sure like driving fast. I like doing other things fast too, and the riskier the better. At least, that's how I was before getting married. I am still a lot more of a risk taker than my wife, but being married has tamed that down a lot for me, and I am perfectly happy with that. For instance, it was always a goal of mine as a single guy to go skydiving, though I never quite made it. Now that I am married I have no desire to go skydiving. My priorities of taking care of my family and raising children has effectively put the brakes on seeking that and other similar risky activities. This principle alone, applied across the board, would result in married man living longer on average as they would tend to be less exposed to activities and lifestyles that might result in death.
Guys, left to their own devices, tend to engage in risky behavior. A woman's influence in a man's life (whether directly by nagging or indirectly by a man's own sense of responsibility toward her) has the effect of reducing the risk that a man is willing to accept. I think the influence of a constant female companion also has a soothing effect on a man's normally impulsive aggressive nature and leads to better, more balanced mental health as well as decreased unnecessary risks. And as we all know increased mental health also increases physical health.
The logical conclusion (generally speaking of course) then is:
Marriage increases health and decreases risk of untimely death, which together has a net upward effect on the lifespan of a man.
i'm glad my silly searching makes you laugh, i know I get a kick out of it ! thanks l.e.
you sold me man, you sold me ! where do I find an awesome wife
like yours ? haha l.e.
like yours ? haha l.e.
i think what it means is we are wired for companionship. yes there are people who are single (even till death) and say they are happy. but i think there is much to be said about being in a happy marriage. having children. a family. im sure you are very happy but do you ever sit and ponder "what is missing"? humans need contact, love, companionship. of course im a silly ol gal that loves her freedom to a point, but love my family. my dh makes me laugh. he makes me smile. he brings me up when i am feeling very down. that is a PLUS. my son is so beautiful, he makes me want to be a better person. to remember that i better smell that flower and look for shapes in the clouds. forget about work, war and all the "adult" things that cause stress. but i do believe if you arent in a good marriage, you will want to jump off a cliff lol. i did that too once.leif i bet if you found a woman (not saying you need one) that complimented your weaknesses and visa versa maybe you would be less preoccupied on how to increase your health and lifespan. im not ;saying its a problem, it just seems like you have some extra time on your hands. do you ever dream of a beautiful (inside and out) woman that when you look into her eyes you sigh with a breath that makes everything seem perfect? that every morning when you wake you know you are loved? finding such a person isnt always easy but you seem like a fun guy. of course marriage isnt for everyone and im not trying to push it on you. wow i couldnt stop talking. (a problem also with finding a women, cant shut up!!)
haha... not sure i can help you there LOL i found mine in college, but she is one in a million :)
Actually, when we first started dating, we fought all the time and I really didn't think the relationship was going to go anywhere. But in time we learned how handle some of the key aspects which is communication, trust, honesty, LISTENING and fighting fair. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is how to fight... notice I didnt say NOT to fight, but HOW to fight, because there will be fights; you just have to learn and agree to some basic rules that keep the fighting fair, eventually leading to less fights and more healthy communication.
Also, you have to stop expecting a female to act rationally, because they just don't seem to work that way. You just have to learn that sometimes you have to say things to her that you both know aren't true and do some things that don't make any sense, but you do them just because you know she thinks she needs them.
So like you were saying in the beginning of this thread, a marriage definitely takes work. But if you are willing to do the work, the rewards make it all worth it many times over.
Actually, when we first started dating, we fought all the time and I really didn't think the relationship was going to go anywhere. But in time we learned how handle some of the key aspects which is communication, trust, honesty, LISTENING and fighting fair. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is how to fight... notice I didnt say NOT to fight, but HOW to fight, because there will be fights; you just have to learn and agree to some basic rules that keep the fighting fair, eventually leading to less fights and more healthy communication.
Also, you have to stop expecting a female to act rationally, because they just don't seem to work that way. You just have to learn that sometimes you have to say things to her that you both know aren't true and do some things that don't make any sense, but you do them just because you know she thinks she needs them.
So like you were saying in the beginning of this thread, a marriage definitely takes work. But if you are willing to do the work, the rewards make it all worth it many times over.
amen to that brother!! yes we dont want you to lie, but to tell us sometimes the things we want to hear does make a difference. rational? what is that? lol joking aside i agree that learning how to fight is what will make a marriage less painful. no name calling, be fair, and sometimes suck it up and let it be over.
exactly... also, words like "always" and "never" are generally not allowed. comments must be toward a constructive end, and no personal attacks or off-topic historical records are allowed. no interruptions; listen when the other person is talking. and no going to bed angry. if the fight cannot be resolved before we go to bed (which rarely happens), we at least let each other know that we love each other and we will be ok, and will settle the dispute in time.
in general, try to not take things too seriously... it's amazing how much keeping a sense of humor can help, even in the middle of a fight. and sometimes, as you said, the best thing you can do is just give in or let it go. like the saying goes, "don't sweat the small stuff... ...(and it's all small stuff)"
in general, try to not take things too seriously... it's amazing how much keeping a sense of humor can help, even in the middle of a fight. and sometimes, as you said, the best thing you can do is just give in or let it go. like the saying goes, "don't sweat the small stuff... ...(and it's all small stuff)"
"Also, you have to stop expecting a female to act rationally"
Wow, I'm astonished and appalled to read such a sexist comment from you. I've read several of your other posts and you seem to give very good advice. This, however, is seriously off the mark.
I think the reason marriage helps some men live longer is that women ensure guys see doctors as needed (I'm guessing the guy with the paralyzed hand in the post above is single). Lol. No, seriously, what I find interesting is that marriage SHORTENS a woman's lifespan. The trouble is women tend to sublimate themselves in relationships. They tend to try to do too much for everyone and don't do enough for themselves. So in the process, they do everything for their husband (ensuring their husbands live longer), and kill themselves in the process.
Wow, I'm astonished and appalled to read such a sexist comment from you. I've read several of your other posts and you seem to give very good advice. This, however, is seriously off the mark.
I think the reason marriage helps some men live longer is that women ensure guys see doctors as needed (I'm guessing the guy with the paralyzed hand in the post above is single). Lol. No, seriously, what I find interesting is that marriage SHORTENS a woman's lifespan. The trouble is women tend to sublimate themselves in relationships. They tend to try to do too much for everyone and don't do enough for themselves. So in the process, they do everything for their husband (ensuring their husbands live longer), and kill themselves in the process.
I hope you didn't really take that seriously... It was meant as a transparent self-indicting joke. The point is that women don't always make sense to men, and we should stop expecting them to. The inherent implication is that the reverse is also true... men don't always make sense to women. But since I am a man it is funnier to just say women don't make sense. I would expect my wife or any woman to say the same about me or men in general; all it means is that it is ok to admit we are different.
But the underlying principle is not that one perspective is right and the other is wrong; they are just different, requiring both parties to learn to meet in the middle. The trick, then, from both perspectives, is to accept that we won't always understand what is motivating our spouse and where they are coming from, but that's ok, because once we accept our differences we are no longer subject to the frustration of trying to figure out why they don't react in the same way we would to a particular situation.
But the underlying principle is not that one perspective is right and the other is wrong; they are just different, requiring both parties to learn to meet in the middle. The trick, then, from both perspectives, is to accept that we won't always understand what is motivating our spouse and where they are coming from, but that's ok, because once we accept our differences we are no longer subject to the frustration of trying to figure out why they don't react in the same way we would to a particular situation.
i see the point both of you are making, but this last fact
that you brought up, i did not know. i don't want anyone to lessen their life span for me ! i kinda thought a nice partnership would work as a marriage (for me). i don't want a lop-sided relationship. is equality possible ? or does someone HAVE to get the short end of the stick ? i'll stay single if not, and have the occasional hot fling (worked so far)!!! haha
l.e.
p.s. stillcurious was only generalising to make his point.
that you brought up, i did not know. i don't want anyone to lessen their life span for me ! i kinda thought a nice partnership would work as a marriage (for me). i don't want a lop-sided relationship. is equality possible ? or does someone HAVE to get the short end of the stick ? i'll stay single if not, and have the occasional hot fling (worked so far)!!! haha
l.e.
p.s. stillcurious was only generalising to make his point.
marriage, like anything else, is what you make of it. There are no rules about what it has to be. monkeyflower's claim about women doing things for their husbands at their own expense is definitely not the case in my relationship. My wife is currently working toward a doctorate degree in a field that has been her dream since she was a child and will generate a lot of income and power for her. We joke about how letters will soon be coming in addressed to "Dr. and Mr. so-and-so." Where kids will fit in the mix is still sort of up in the air, but while I am providing the monetary support for the family right now, our current thinking is that once she starts her career, I may stay at home until the kids are in school, and then maybe go back to school and let her support us financially for awhile.
The point is you don't have to fit into any stereotypes, and honestly, you will be happier if you don't. Figure out what you you need and want in your relationship and just make life what you need it to be. I feel my wife and I are equals, and I know she feels that way too. But I think the only way to find that equality is not in trying to raise yourself to your partner's level, but instead working to raise your partner to your level, or being humble enough to lower yourself. Equality can only happen when both sides are humble and care for each other; otherwise it is a competition, and there can never be equality in a competition because the point of a competition is to be able to declare a winner. Besides, if you are truly partners then all her successes are yours as well and vice-versa.
I think monkeyflower is right about men living longer in part because their wives force them to see doctors, but I dont buy the rest. A woman's role in a marriage can be anything. If she is wasting away tending to her husband, then shame on them both. Ideally it will be a partnership where both benefit. It amazes me how, when I am down, she finds the inner strength to be the support I need, and when she is down, I find the strength to be the support and encouragement that she needs. She is strong in areas where I am weak, and I am strong in areas where she is weak. Together, we are stronger than we are separately and better prepared to deal with the world. And that, I think, is what marriage is supposed to be.
The point is you don't have to fit into any stereotypes, and honestly, you will be happier if you don't. Figure out what you you need and want in your relationship and just make life what you need it to be. I feel my wife and I are equals, and I know she feels that way too. But I think the only way to find that equality is not in trying to raise yourself to your partner's level, but instead working to raise your partner to your level, or being humble enough to lower yourself. Equality can only happen when both sides are humble and care for each other; otherwise it is a competition, and there can never be equality in a competition because the point of a competition is to be able to declare a winner. Besides, if you are truly partners then all her successes are yours as well and vice-versa.
I think monkeyflower is right about men living longer in part because their wives force them to see doctors, but I dont buy the rest. A woman's role in a marriage can be anything. If she is wasting away tending to her husband, then shame on them both. Ideally it will be a partnership where both benefit. It amazes me how, when I am down, she finds the inner strength to be the support I need, and when she is down, I find the strength to be the support and encouragement that she needs. She is strong in areas where I am weak, and I am strong in areas where she is weak. Together, we are stronger than we are separately and better prepared to deal with the world. And that, I think, is what marriage is supposed to be.
Another important factor is $$$$$, DH & me wk great together b/c he does most of the outside work (we own a business) I do the paperwk but get to stay home w/ our son & #2 is on the way so DH goes to work while I manage the $$$$, but when I'm not pg I go help him if I need to, LOL seriously I'm good at saving money, I'm really not a huge spender at all. So I have a man that works (which is hard to find now days) & he has a woman that manages the money the right way. So many people argue over MONEY.
You've gotta find a balance like sailor said.
So if you go on a few dates & the girl is soooo high class, chances r she won't change & you'll have that to deal with :) Which is fine if u want to wk while she is running up creditcard bills all week long :) LOL Life should be fun not a chore, this includes marriage!!!!
You've gotta find a balance like sailor said.
So if you go on a few dates & the girl is soooo high class, chances r she won't change & you'll have that to deal with :) Which is fine if u want to wk while she is running up creditcard bills all week long :) LOL Life should be fun not a chore, this includes marriage!!!!
makes sense, money is a major factor in everything.
i work for myself and can handle the lean times if i need to, it
does not bother me to live poor for a while, but a marriage
needs steady money, (especially if kids get involved) so i would
have to get that figured out before i even think about finding mrs. right ! haha thanks l.e.
i work for myself and can handle the lean times if i need to, it
does not bother me to live poor for a while, but a marriage
needs steady money, (especially if kids get involved) so i would
have to get that figured out before i even think about finding mrs. right ! haha thanks l.e.
If it makes u feel any better DH & I own a lawn business I'm 25& he's 28. We have to save during mowing season for the winter monthes, we started out in a 1969 trailor for about a yr & a half now we've built a house about 4yrs ago thats close to 2300 sq ft, we sub contracted it ourselves & saved tons. I manage the money so we have enough for the winter plus we get to see each other alot & theres even enough to always pay extra on the house w/ baby #2 on the way, so it's possible if u get someone willing to manage things the right way with you :) DH even gets to play xbox live :) SO I don't deprive him of getting things either LOL Hope you find HER out there!!!!
well, i know i'm better armed with the right ideas thanks to
everyones helpfull insights !
and i think the answer to my "ultimate question" must be> YES
l.e.
everyones helpfull insights !
and i think the answer to my "ultimate question" must be> YES
l.e.
I take serious issue with the whole "men are from mars, women from venus" concept. The truth is, men and women are both from Earth. Whether you understand your partner or not has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with who each of you are as a person. I am no more incomprehensible to my husband than I am to my gf.
I do agree that marriage is what you make of it. There's no one right way to have a relationship. I certainly have a very different relationship from what I described; in fact, very different from most relationships. Don't take what I wrote so literally (don't take ANYTHING you read so literally), or use it as an excuse to avoid developing serious relationships with others. What I described is what many social scientists believe really is the cause of women's shorter lifespans in marriage--but you have to consider that the people they're talking about, who are in their 70s and older, probably do have more conventional/conservative marriages.
You seem pretty obsessed with the idea of living a long life. So, eat a low-fat, mostly vegetarian diet, exercise, don't smoke, use moderation in most things, and maybe MOST importantly, get involved. Health is much, much more than physical, and all the supplements in the world won't make you happy. So, along those lines, here are some book recommendations: Aging Well, by George Valliant; Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman, and Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Good luck :-)
I do agree that marriage is what you make of it. There's no one right way to have a relationship. I certainly have a very different relationship from what I described; in fact, very different from most relationships. Don't take what I wrote so literally (don't take ANYTHING you read so literally), or use it as an excuse to avoid developing serious relationships with others. What I described is what many social scientists believe really is the cause of women's shorter lifespans in marriage--but you have to consider that the people they're talking about, who are in their 70s and older, probably do have more conventional/conservative marriages.
You seem pretty obsessed with the idea of living a long life. So, eat a low-fat, mostly vegetarian diet, exercise, don't smoke, use moderation in most things, and maybe MOST importantly, get involved. Health is much, much more than physical, and all the supplements in the world won't make you happy. So, along those lines, here are some book recommendations: Aging Well, by George Valliant; Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman, and Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Good luck :-)
"I am no more incomprehensible to my husband than I am to my gf"...
"gf" = girlfriend? Do you mean that in the platonic sense, or is this a sexual relationship?
"gf" = girlfriend? Do you mean that in the platonic sense, or is this a sexual relationship?
Maybe it is the same for dogs. Having a dog reduces stress through petting, therefore reduces heart disease, and also gives you exercise.
It could be why married men live longer...Hee!Hee!
Nah! It is the companionship, security and the balance created in a marriage even with the ups and downs. It does tend to tone men down and though I still have trouble getting my man to the doctor so that doesn't change. Maybe it is the good food and bed. Married ten years and still strong.
It could be why married men live longer...Hee!Hee!
Nah! It is the companionship, security and the balance created in a marriage even with the ups and downs. It does tend to tone men down and though I still have trouble getting my man to the doctor so that doesn't change. Maybe it is the good food and bed. Married ten years and still strong.
I think the #1 key to living long is being HAPPY w/ yourself, so when u r married you r not fully depending on your mate for happiness. SO be happy then find a mate that realizes this too, this will lower stress which most likely = a LONG HAPPY LIFE!!
that makes alot of sense to me. i am happy, so i want a happy happy joy joy marriage and if i don't get it, oh well ! l.e
thanks for all the really well thought and well written responses !
thanks for all the really well thought and well written responses !
you know my first marriage was poo. we brought out the worst in each other and fought. now i did it again (marriage) and we compliment each other so well we almost never argue, and we never have blow up fights. mostly happy happy joy joy lol. the problem was the first time i was young and liked the bad boy. however after aging a bit and starting a family i learned it wasnt the life for me and our son. you have to have the same goals in life. my and dh are different to a point which balances us out well.
when i pet a dog, i DO get very relaxed !
but when i pet a girl, my heart feels like it's going go into
cardiac arrest. hehehe l.e.
p.s. just kidding, no need to respond.
but when i pet a girl, my heart feels like it's going go into
cardiac arrest. hehehe l.e.
p.s. just kidding, no need to respond.
yeah, i had a girlfriend once that made me act in way that i never have before or since. we drove each other crazy.
it's wierd that we ever dated in the first place. i think we
both thought with our "you know whats" instead of our hearts.
of course we were young too. l.e.
it's wierd that we ever dated in the first place. i think we
both thought with our "you know whats" instead of our hearts.
of course we were young too. l.e.
if you're happily married i.e. good company, relaxed atmosphere, understanding, emotional support, then teh answer is most likely yes (many confounding variables). Otherwise, your spouse may shorten your life span... If you're a man married to an independent selfish controlling feminist---> I don't envy your position!
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