I felt better without PMO.
I realize that I slipped back into the habit after I was masturbating without PMO. Perhaps I am not strong enough to masturbate without the risk of PMO. So for now I will continue on the original plan and stop all activity until normal, natural sex comes into my life.
peace.
(smile) thanks SammyWinchester.
i'll try and go much further... once i pass 7 days i'll be in good strides.
i am gonna reset my tracker and post daily, to build back my confidence.
i marked off the days on my calender that i PMOed... and the reality is sad... i spent over 30 hours watching porn in those 11 day relapse... thats time i could have used to study, work on some outstanding project, sleep or watch some clean movie. damn.
man, its not just my recovery, but i set myself back in other areas too.
but... thanks for the encouragement.
You shouldn't be embarrassed to come back here and mention it. Here is basically the only place you can mention it without worrying about what people are going to think... You went 100 days, that's pretty good, now go ahead and try to beat that record.
Since February 1 I have fell into a binge cycle 11 days out of the past 16 days had PMO. I was somewhat embarrassed to come back here and mention it, so i hid behind the porn some more. but this morning I am feeling physically sick from the constant masturbating.
I am feeling weak and drained out again, headaches. I really over did it, One night I think I spent 4 hours in front the screen. I dont know, I know I cant give up, but breaking free from the cycle is giving me a warm time. I stopped reading all the motivational materials so... I am back at starting point again.
I went 100 days and relapsed. I dont even know why I did it,
anyway, hope everyone is keeping up the fight.
Thanks man. I think you're right... I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel the need to watch porn and masturbate so much if I had a girlfriend or even just a f*** buddy. I'll try not to be too hard on myself but I can't help feeling disappointed and like I've let myself down. Also, I'm even more worried than before, now that I've PMOed, that if I have sex with a girl in the next few days/weeks, I won"t be able to keep it up, specifically because I PMOed today...
I like your idea of equity... before I PMOed today, I went 85 days without doing it, and before that I had roughly a 40 day spell and before that a 35 day spell... so I haven't gone on a binge or anything like that in a long time, and that's got to be a good thing, right ?
It happens, you know. You will not get any discouraging remarks from me. I'm really big into building equity while abstaining from masturbation to porn. Going 10 days, a month, 90 days, to me is building equity into recovery; and yes you will fall of the wagon. But keep going at it, if you had a regular female partner, things would be differently. You could be at her place, your place, and all of a sudden start having sex for no reason. Then that urge to watch porn, eventually masturbate would be different, or not be there at all. Cause your sexual desires, urges, and wants would be fulfilled. That's what normal guys do. When you are addicted to masturbating to porn, you are not normal by any means. I was not normal, I was far from it.
Don't go on a binge, but don't kill yourself mentally and emotionally fighting off wanting to masturbate. If you have to masturbate one or ten times, do it. But don't do it to porn. The easiest thing is to watch not porn, it really is. But your brain is correlating masturbation and porn, porn and masturbation. It's ok to masturbate. But do not click on porn. Masturbate to a chick you had sex with and it was amazing, like a one night stand or a really freaky chick you had sex with before. Because that sensation, being with a woman like that, in all actuality is a million times better then masturbating to porn. Your addiction just won't let you realize it.
I have been masturbating a lot lately, as I'm in between relationships and different girls I see. But never to porn. Just in my head, different women I have been with before. That's all I need.