Am I crazy to think he's cheating?

[connflower]

My husband went to the bar last friday with a friend foe his birthday and said he was going to have one drink and come home well that never happend so after he has been at the bar for five and half hours I called and he said he would be home well right after I talked to him his friend that he had been with called and said he was home and that my hisband was still at the bar and that he had been home for almost 3 hours. well when I asked my husband why he didnt leave when his friend did he tried to lie and say he did then I told him that I talked to his friend and his wife and they both said he had been home for 3 hours and his friend said my husband stayed to talk to the lady bar tender and that they were together well today when I asked my husband again why he stayed at the bar at first he said he was talking to the bar tender then once he realized what he said he changed his story and said he was talking to the owner about his band playing there then he said he was talking also to a couple guys there but he only changed his story about the bar tender when I got upset. well later we got into an argument about the bar maid so I quit talking to him and went into our room to get away from him well later he was being mean and hateful and said to me that she had pretty and nice big ****! and at the point when he said that we were not arguing we were talking so I got upset and told him I knew he was going to say something about her **** but I thought it would be about her tatoo but it wasnt so I slapped him accrossed the face because he hurt me so bad. I also told him that since he met her 2 weeks ago he has treated me like **** and has been mean and nasty he said that was a lie but its not my son and daughter inlaw but noticed the same thing. So am I crazy to think he's cheating? And he gets real defensive when we talk about her. He has also told me he didnt care if i leave .

[rankett]

Your last clarifications tell me that he just does not desire you anymore. It is one of the hard facts of life. Sorry.

> there was no foreplay before or kissing bfore or during all it was was sex

You understand, I hope, that this is plain wrong. Foreplay is an essential ingedient of the sexual act and probably your last chance. But if he really lost his desire, then it could not make any difference.

[connflower]

I'm sorry it wasnt my husbands birthday it was his best friends and he took him out for a drink. we have been married for 19yrs and together for 25 he is 45 yrs old and I am 47. There is no health issues except that he can not get an errection with me or if he does he can't maintain it . And that started 4 yrs ago when he tried to get my sister to have sex with him and this now has happend twice it happend again 2 years later they say nothing happend but that's not the way that acted. but anyway he has not been able to get an errection with me since or like I said if he does he cant maintain it. We have worked through that and I have forgiven him but he still tells me he has the desire to have sex with another woman to see if he may have missed out on something or not. I have tried to spice up our sex life and everything but nothing works. Since he met this bar maid he hadnt tried to have sex with me untill I mentioned it then he did and he did get an errection but he got off within a minute there was no foreplay before or kissing bfore or during all it was was sex .

[SixStringer]

Your husband is being dishonest, hurtful, and evasive to say the least.  It is unknown if he is cheating or merely talking, but to behave in such a way, especially on his birthday, a red flag comes up.  There are two problem areas here:  what he's doing out and away from you at the bar and his treatment of you at home.  I would like to see you both go to marriage counseling, and even if he will not go at this time, you should go, at least, to gain an expert's advice.  You didn't mention ages here, length of marriage, health issues, and so on, but it sounds like a midlife crisis type of thing.  I do think that you should both get counseling rather than wait for him to see the light on his own.