Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

retarded ejaculation in boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for 5 months. We have a very open and honest relationship. I love him dearly as he does me. We have a good sex life but he is unable to stay hard or ejaculate around me. Once through mutual masturbation he was able to *** near me but only after about an hour. He is able to *** through masturbation on his own and I have made him little movies of myself to help make us closer despite my incredible shyness. He says this has been going on for about 10 years and I am not the first girl. Until now he has not talked to a doctor tho I am encouraging him too. His last relationship lasted 8 yrs and was not all that good. I am having a very hard time believing that I am not doing something wrong. Why would they not have dealt with this if it had persisted over the 8 years?? I am confused because erectile dysfunction is not being able to *** and retarded is taking a long time to ***. What if you can but just not around your girlfriend? I know he loves me to death and isn't cheating and so on. I am worried that I will not want to engage in sexual activities soon because it makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job tho I know I am. Is this pyschological if you can on your own?
25 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
1001662 tn?1250058761
I would like to tell you that your man has no any problem a tall, he might have engaged in masturbation at an early age, so thi might have affected him psychologocally, or try to check the kind of contraceptive pills you are using, never trust all the contraceptives in the market coz some are extremely fake and very toxic, so if your man makes love to you without protection, this might cause some diet(fungi) inside him and he may sometimes end up loosing appetite/feelings in having real sex.
Try to help each other, be romantic to her and be very selective on certain food he is taking especially the ones reach in iron, vitamis,stamina and calcium,TRY ONE DAY TO PLAY WITH HIS MACHINE GUN t o check if there are some reaction, ok darling!! Good luck but tell him also to visit a doctor for some explanations and blood purification therapy. Bye bye babe...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My husband has this problem. We have been dealing with this for
over 10 years. We absolutely love each other and have 2 small kids.
It is the most frustrating thing ever... He masturbates a lot and has some
psychological issues. I believe it is a combination of self-masturbation,
not being selfish enough during sex, thinking sex is dirty and not being
comfortable enough to get dirty with the person they love. Once the problem is there for a while, it is a vicious cicle. It is tearing our
relationship apart and we are finally in counseling for it. I hope it works
this time because I simply adore him and he adores me. I'll keep u posted.. Get help now. Don't wait. And whatever u do, don't pressure him or make him feel bad for making you feel unattractive, etc. Hope this helps :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Maybe he's just not that attracted to you? Some people confuse companionship with love.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
mi9
Had the same problem with a women I was head over heels for before. Lasted about a year. I knew it was psychological not that knowing helps any. Force defeats itself, the more he thinks about it the longer this is going on. Don't ask me why but try having sex in a public location, it worked for me, and from that day on out, haven't had an issue.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just out of curiousity why do so many people have such a problem if you do not c*% inside them?  I have had two very bad long term relationships that ended with me getting hurt in one of the few ways that makes building that particular trust up all the way again.  I personally would love sex without the pressure of having to orgasm to show I had a good time because my partners pleasure is the big turn on for me.

So again what is the big deal?  I know in my particular case what the problem is I just don't know that it should matter unless you are planning on having kids.

BTW... Is the whole pressure to have an orgasm so your partner can feel vindicaed what women go through all the time?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am a guy who has this problem... Its amazing a few years ago there was no info on this and now lots of guys seem to have it... Im gay and its frustrating for my partners because they feel like they are not doing a good job... I would like to know what your dr says too... ***@**** if u have any info let me know...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I' am a gay male and my boyfriend who is much older than me will not ejaculate inside of me. This is ver frustrating because it makes me feel as if I' am not sexually attractive. Is there anything we can do?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This is simply a gentleman going through exactly the same thing and seeking answers.
Please keep me posted with the results and or feelings in general with reguards to theraputic aproach to treatment.   Thanks in advance !!
                                            Wishing you success and happines ,  Carbon.....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I hope you read this before the doctor's appointment. It may be that your boyfriend has a low testosterone level, which can be checked with a simple bloodtest.

Good luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
have you consult with doctor about it? if not then please go to doctor and tell him about your ED problem..you can take consultation online also. there are so many drugs available in the market but do not take without doctor prescription. I can give you meds4all.com you can get consultation and prescription for ED problem...i hope you will get solutions of your problem and enjoy you sexual life.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have this problem and I have to say for the most part Bugsi is right.

With the added question has your BF had a circumcision? (personally as guy I feel the procedure should be banned and performers of it flogged)  But that procedure just seems to make IMO (inhibited male orgasm) worse.

Personally I have found women tend to be somewhat intimidated if you have the problem as at first they think the problem is wonderful, then later they tend to get upset and insecure about whether they are doing something right.

Honestly?  If you can just have sex more with him, learn his body, let him learn yours he will probably over come his problem.  I think because of this problem most guys I have heard of who were like this as they grow older tend to be more monogamous and you can later tell if your relationship is having problems if you overcome the problem, then it re-appears later.

The main issue is trust at a subconscious level. I could go into the details of that but let us just leave this point that it is not a personal thing with you, though it is something that can be overcome with time.

Emanuela

Chances are that he is straight, though I would see if he were raised as a christian in one of the  more unhealthy sects.  Etc.

But telling her not to waste her life because of the fact that he has trouble orgasming!  I dare you to post in sexuality, men & women's health etc. something stating that a man should not stay with a woman who has trouble  orgasming, particularly if she doesn't seek help!

Personally if BOTH people are in good shape it can occasionally be fun.  I remember when I was in the army sessions that lasted whole weekends because I was in a job that required athleticism and so was my girlfriend.  Though it does get tiresome after a while when lube fades and if your partner is not understanding you might even do like some women and just lie and fake an orgasm.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Jazzyben, I and my boyfriend have similar issues. It takes him about 2 hours of intercourse to ejaculate. I am 33, he is 47. He has no erectile issues but finds it takes alot for him to orgasim. Once he does thou he is usually beat out.. He has been like this since he was young. What did your doctor say about your boyfriends issues..have they been solved. I would like to know so we can take the next step on how to properly address this. Thank you.
Helpful - 0
280102 tn?1208877222
thanks bugsi, you helped me alot! Jazzy, can you tell me how the appt goes, me and my bf have this same problem.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
jazzyben , ask him to go and see a doctor or specialist as soon as possible. Don't wait , ask him to seek professional help . He should do it if he loves you as much as you say he does. If he doesn't want to go and seek help , just move on. Don't waste your life , don't waste your best years . If he loves you than he will try to take care of it ( with the help of a professional) for your sake and for his. Don't delay , its a long process to healing, and probably you will have to do your part in it too, like having a lot of patience. Are you sure you are up to it? I believe that if he really wants to make you happy he will go and seek help, if he doesn't want to make you happy and if he kknows the reason of this situation and if he hiding something from you ( like being gay or maybe there is something that turns him of in you) than he will just find some reason not to go and take care of it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thanks Bugsi... we have a doctor's appt in a few days. It is his problem but I love him and want to help him any way I can. Again...ty
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No disrespect to any of you who have posted in reguard to this subject, but it is very apparent that none of you have any knowledge on dalayed or retarded ejaculation. It is a psychological problem usually stemming from anxiety or the way masterbation went about when the man was young (usually a man's first orgasm is achieved through masterbation, therefore some men condition their bodies to only respond to the same amount of pressure and setting of 'taking it into their own hands'). It only affects 1 to 4% of men and there is little to no research done on this condition. This particilar condition has nothing to do with being secretly gay or not being attracted to your partner. It usually starts out as a good thing, the man can last longer during intercourse, but the condition can worsen to the point that the man develops a 'mental block' in being able to finish w/ his partner (even though he can finish by himself). The man is usually so frustrated that he is hopeless in achieving orgasim or finishing before the act has even begun (which can cause him to lose erection). Unfortunately, there is no magic pill to treat this problem. If you and your boyfriend are serious about the relatonship and want a future together the best thing to do is to seek counseling from a 'sex therapist'. The treatment usually involves a reconditioning of the way the man views sex and masterbation. At first sex is usually put 'off limits'. Then the couple moves forward gradually in different 'exercises' together until they are ready to try intercourse. It is usually a long but often effective process. It is good that you and your partner are open and honest and that he wants to fix the problem. Remember, it is not you- he has had this problem before and would most likely have it with someone else. Together you can make the difference in your sexlife as long as you both are determined and you keep giving him positive reinforcement. Good Luck!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
sometimes you can plesae yourself better than a nother can, and maby he loves you so much, he is afraid that if you don't live up to how good he can do it himself, he might be afraid of thinking of you in a bad light, like you cant please him, and he is afraid to give you the chance, but little does he know you could be great??? have you ever had intercorse, even one time??????????  if no then that could be it, but if you did at least once, then either he is having medical or emotional problems, or, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you small in that area...or big...like have had many partners, i don't want to say the word, but it starts with an l and ends with an s.......some times guys expect it to be tight, and you can go  get it smaller at the doctor, very easy...........well also do not be mad, but i know you know him and he can love you more than life itself..........and still be gay....you can very easily find out, take the gay movie suggestion, if he can do it then, there could be that possibility, but it could also be that he is just excited over the sex, period..not just because it is men, just because it is sex, so sweety please know i am not making a joke i think some thing can help, it just could be something you don't want to know...........i wish you all the luck, and hope it just changes....emotional problems will stop a man from having sex, even when he can do it him self, he just cant do it with you, so maby counsoling....... goodluck..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
yes i am a woman. (jazzyben is for my kids) ty for the advice and guess i was being a little sensitive- my apologies to everyone. anyways... pretty sure it's psychological. again, ty for your input
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ha ha.  
I have a habit of sort of "scanning" the posts.  I speed read by nature, so I typically don't miss things.  Guess I missed that, though.  Wonder how many others missed it as well?
Oceans--where have all the gals been?  I haven't gotten any mail...guess I need to send one out myself.

Bye all--
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Here's what I understood---that you were a guy???
Your screenname suggest that you are male--jazzy"ben"...
Hence, the comment about the gay movie.  Are you male or female?  Just curious.  Typically, people on here try to help, not hinder a situation.  I don't think anyone was intentionally trying to offend you, maybe we're just not understanding the whole story--
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
firstly he is not gay so there is no need to watch a gay movie and secondly we do have a good sex life. it is not only about ejaculating inside someone it is also about the love 2 people have for each other. I think that perhaps there may have been too much honesty but I think that his "embarrassement" is probably what started the discussions as he was feeling inadequate. I don't pester him with the is it me etc but we both know that there is something going on. He is as much into finding out what it is as I am. He is also quite large and I'm not sure if that could have anything to do with it. I posted this question with the hopes of getting some genuine answers from people who may have experienced the same thing and not from people making comments that make people feel worse about their situation.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i dont get how you say in your post that you two have a good sex life, when he cannot become erect or ejaculate around you? how on earth is that a good sex life?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Have you  tried watching a gay adult movie with him? Perhaps that would help.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
no meds and he can ejaculate- it just seems he can only do it on his own
Helpful - 0
2
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Men's Health Community

Top Men's Health Answerers
1622896 tn?1562364967
London, United Kingdom
139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
Avatar universal
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
Chlamydia, an STI, often has no symptoms, but must be treated.
Bumps in the genital area might be STDs, but are usually not serious.
Get the facts about this disease that affects more than 240,000 men each year.