Committing suicide, is it worth?

[jess0319ne]

Hi my name is Ari, I'm 20, and I feel like committing suicide, cause I can't stop blaming myself.

Here's my story:
Since 2010, August I'm away from my home county & studying abroad. I'm physically in good shape, but I think I have some mental problem.

The thing is that after I came here, I met a boy, then in this February, 2011 we had sex once. At first, I didn't think it was serious. So after a month my menstruation didn't show up on time. I went to the doctor in March, and found out I was pregnant, cause we didn't use protection the other day.  

I'm a freshman student, and I thought I was not ready to have a baby, so I decided to have an abortion two weeks later. I hesitated about hundred times whether I should keep the baby or not, until I got up on the abortion chair. Even though I had an abortion.    

Now, 6 months had past since I had an abortion, and I can't forgive myself.
All I want to do is being alone & cry. In addition, I feel like want to be isolated from others. As time goes by I'm feeling terrible.

Actually, before this incident my only dream was to have a child and live in a healthy family, cause I lost both my parents when I was little.
Right now I'm even thinking of committing suicide. I have no passion to live.


Is it temporary feeling or is it a mental disease?
What should I do?

[inconfusionalways]

  I don't even know how to start  to tell you, but maybe a story will help. I am Bipolar and I had a grandson who was born premature and lived for only 1 month. I fell into a depressed state and tried to commit suicide, so I can only feel what you are going through. but let me tell you that the more you think about commiting suicide the worst you will feel and more helpless and hopeless. Sweety I know we can't change the past but the future can only get better. I can proudly say know that the same daughter inlaw who felt the pain of an infant loss has had 2 other premies and survived after weighing 1lb 9 oz. Some things happen for a reason sometimes.

Your whole future is ahead of you and you can't seclude youself, you need friends and family in times like these. you can forgive yourself and when the time is right you will have the baby you always wanted. It won't replace the loss of the first but I gaurantee that you will be a proud mother just like I am a proud grandmother.

seek help from a counselor, that worked for me and it can work for you. And I don't think you have a mental problem, I think you just need to talk to someone. You have a great heart and it's normal to feel the way you do your young and you have been through a great experience. some people forgive and forget and some just need healing time.

[lindahand]

It is not worth it to commit suicide. It feels like these feelings will never get any better, but they will. You will be able to live again. You will be able to find joy. And when the timing is right you will be able to have a baby and a family. You'll be better able to provide for that family because you do have an education and are more mature. You will appreciate and love that little bundle of joy.

You may need a little help to get through this though. Seeing a doctor is really important. They may even have counselling services where you got your abortion. They sometimes do.

I've been close to suicide. Had the plan and everything. I am so happy I didn't carry it out. I have a good life now, I have experienced many joys, and some heartaches, but I was here to experience them. At the time I had the plan I didn't believe things could ever get better. I felt like I was doomed to this existence. That the hell I was in would never get any better. I was wrong and so are you.

Please seek out some help for yourself.

[Peter Forster]

Thank you very much for your message.

You have been through a very, very difficult time in your life and it is not surprising that you are feeling troubled.

I am sure that you will be able to have your dream... but not if you commit suicide.

What is happening right now is that you are trapped in a set of thoughts about yourself that are distorted. There is a page that we like that has some thoughts about how to cope with these distortions (some folks describe this state as "my brain is trying to kill me") -

http://www.********.org/suicide/

In all likelihood you are depressed. Depression is a temporary state that affects your brain's ability to see things properly. You can probably see that that is perhaps what is happening, that may be why you are writing on the Forum.

You are right that you need some help. One terrible thing about what is going on in your brain is that it is leading you away from contact with people at exactly the moment when you need to stay connected. The one thing that I think is most important is that you find a way to talk to at least one person who you trust about how badly you are feeling. It doesn't matter if you tell them you are having thoughts of suicide, or not, what matters is that you let one or more people know that you are really depressed and struggling, so that you can talk to others about what is going on and get the benefit of their perspectives on your situation, since your own views are distorted by depression.

I think that you probably also should talk to a doctor about your depression, there are many things that can be done to help you recover your sense of hope and your dreams for the future.

You have had to deal with a lot in your life, but your life is very precious and you have a whole life of future ahead of you. Stay in touch with your friends, stay in touch with us, and get in touch with your doctor.