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Is medication my only hope?
I was recently in hospital suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. I was put on medication which i hated i was so tired as it was an anti-depressdant with a sedative in it because i am so anxious. I have been depressed on and of for years and i also have chronic anxiety, chronic low mood. panic attacks, ocd, argraphobia and most recently i was told i have BPD. I am scared that medication is now my only hope, i have been in therapy for years but they said it hasn't worked because they didn't know i had BPD, now my therapist is preparing me for psychotherapy. Now i feel this is all pointless i am scared of medication i don't want it to be my only choice, is it my only choice is it possible to get better without medication?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
It isn't really possible to give a meaningful answer to your question without doing an in-person assessment.
It is true that medication can be very helpful for many people.
It is a treatment which requires relatively little effort on your part, which can be especially useful if you are feeling discouraged about treatment.
Most of the alternatives to medication require practice and effort (psychotherapy, mindfulness, other forms of meditation, exercise).
Here is one observation over years of treating folks such as yourself - the most important thing that you can do is to put getting well at the top of your list of priorities. Don't rule out any approach to treatment. You do have choices to make. Make them as thoughtfully as possible. But absolutely ruling out a type of treatment is something that you should avoid doing. If you approach these choices in that way you will have an excellent chance of success.
It is true that medication can be very helpful for many people.
It is a treatment which requires relatively little effort on your part, which can be especially useful if you are feeling discouraged about treatment.
Most of the alternatives to medication require practice and effort (psychotherapy, mindfulness, other forms of meditation, exercise).
Here is one observation over years of treating folks such as yourself - the most important thing that you can do is to put getting well at the top of your list of priorities. Don't rule out any approach to treatment. You do have choices to make. Make them as thoughtfully as possible. But absolutely ruling out a type of treatment is something that you should avoid doing. If you approach these choices in that way you will have an excellent chance of success.
I hope things improve for you too, you sound really busy. Did you see the doctor about you being sick?
Families are stressful there is always something going on.
My partner is still stressed at me but i am switched of from him i just can't deal with him now i need to sort myself out first.
I go back to hospital tomorrow to check in and let them know how i got on and then hopefully i will be discharged soon.
The staff know me better now, i get on with some but not all of them, i sense that some of them are uncomfortable with me, my therapist said that is their problem not mine, he said professionals who don't understand BPD are anxious around people with it because they don't know how to cope he said its wrong and they need to learn more about it.
My partner told me to leave my therapist that he is useless, but where would that leave me.
I have found that feeling numb is better than feeling anything my social worker doesn't agree, she said the nurses in the hospital said i constantly change mood throughout the day and show more emotion than i used to and that supposedly is a good thing, i hate crying and do to it in front of others is not good but it happened me several times it was like i had no control. I met one man who was really nice but he was transferred to a more secure part, he was schicophrenic sorry about the spelling, he was high alot of the time and they found it hard to calm him i think he distracted me from myself, then another woman passed out at dinner one day and i had to run and get a nurse, i don't cope well in situations like that, but she was ok again.
Anyway i have rambled on again.
I hope you feel better soon.
Families are stressful there is always something going on.
My partner is still stressed at me but i am switched of from him i just can't deal with him now i need to sort myself out first.
I go back to hospital tomorrow to check in and let them know how i got on and then hopefully i will be discharged soon.
The staff know me better now, i get on with some but not all of them, i sense that some of them are uncomfortable with me, my therapist said that is their problem not mine, he said professionals who don't understand BPD are anxious around people with it because they don't know how to cope he said its wrong and they need to learn more about it.
My partner told me to leave my therapist that he is useless, but where would that leave me.
I have found that feeling numb is better than feeling anything my social worker doesn't agree, she said the nurses in the hospital said i constantly change mood throughout the day and show more emotion than i used to and that supposedly is a good thing, i hate crying and do to it in front of others is not good but it happened me several times it was like i had no control. I met one man who was really nice but he was transferred to a more secure part, he was schicophrenic sorry about the spelling, he was high alot of the time and they found it hard to calm him i think he distracted me from myself, then another woman passed out at dinner one day and i had to run and get a nurse, i don't cope well in situations like that, but she was ok again.
Anyway i have rambled on again.
I hope you feel better soon.
The doctor sounded a little insensitive. It doesn't sound like she really gets it. Those sorts of comments also have the potential to make people feel worse.
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner.
Have been busy with work here but have been sick the past few days. I think I may have ?whiplash. Not sure though. Have sore neck, back and have been vomiting. Feel nauseous a lot too.
My brother got engaged last night. My sister told her husband to leave which was reciprocated with, no, you leave. My other sister is due in about three weeks. Have been looking after my nephew (is a long weekend here).
I hope that things start to improve for you soon.
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner.
Have been busy with work here but have been sick the past few days. I think I may have ?whiplash. Not sure though. Have sore neck, back and have been vomiting. Feel nauseous a lot too.
My brother got engaged last night. My sister told her husband to leave which was reciprocated with, no, you leave. My other sister is due in about three weeks. Have been looking after my nephew (is a long weekend here).
I hope that things start to improve for you soon.
I was in hospital again was admitted on Tuesday and released for weekend leave today, what a stressful week. I seem to be getting worse. My therapist came there and we talked which helped and then a female psychiatrist who i didn't like anyway came to see me and asked did i refuse medication so people would be nice to me the woman hasn't a clue. I told my social worker who told my psychiatrist and he said not to worry that he knew that wasn't the reason and i am meeting with him soon.
My therapist said that BPD is for life it will improve he said and i can learn to manage the symptoms but that i need to stop living in denial and accept that i am mentally ill and seriously mentally ill at that, he said to prepare for setbacks, but he will help me the best he can and then refer me on for more specialized counselling but not to worry he said he will do it to suit me.
I panicked alot in hospital and now that i'm home i feel scared and vulnerable when i am there i feel safe here there is too much stress and i really can't cope at times.
My partner wasn't impressed when i went in again but anyway he doesn't understand, he said he can't cope with me having BPD, he wants to try living it, i have had every emotion possibe this week, which is supposedly a good thing but i don't think so.
My social worker has been really good she is the one who has been talking to my psychiatrist and therapist and informing them of what i need to happen.
How are things with you? I hope all is well with you.
My therapist said that BPD is for life it will improve he said and i can learn to manage the symptoms but that i need to stop living in denial and accept that i am mentally ill and seriously mentally ill at that, he said to prepare for setbacks, but he will help me the best he can and then refer me on for more specialized counselling but not to worry he said he will do it to suit me.
I panicked alot in hospital and now that i'm home i feel scared and vulnerable when i am there i feel safe here there is too much stress and i really can't cope at times.
My partner wasn't impressed when i went in again but anyway he doesn't understand, he said he can't cope with me having BPD, he wants to try living it, i have had every emotion possibe this week, which is supposedly a good thing but i don't think so.
My social worker has been really good she is the one who has been talking to my psychiatrist and therapist and informing them of what i need to happen.
How are things with you? I hope all is well with you.
It would probably be best to discuss the diagnosis with your T, generally, but I think talking to your psychiatrist could be helpful. Make sure you know how long the appointment is though so you don't feel shafted when it is short. Doctors appointments have both advantages and disadvantages. They can leave you feeling both better and worse. Your call. It could be helpful.
Do you try any techniques when you start to panic? Trying to regain some control could be helpful. Which in turn would possibly make you feel more confident the next time.
My mh issues prevent me from being able to do anything consistently. I'm lucky if I can get an 8-week block of training in before an event.
If you want something to happen then you need to initiate it yourself. I don't think that many health professionals realize that we at times would like more practical interventions.
It's just raining lightly here now which makes a huge difference to the X many mm's we had in such a short time. Was more than Jan's monthly rainfall.
I saw my GP today. Was a little stressful. Mentioned some of the stuff at home and it just left me feeling a little spacey. :(
Do you try any techniques when you start to panic? Trying to regain some control could be helpful. Which in turn would possibly make you feel more confident the next time.
My mh issues prevent me from being able to do anything consistently. I'm lucky if I can get an 8-week block of training in before an event.
If you want something to happen then you need to initiate it yourself. I don't think that many health professionals realize that we at times would like more practical interventions.
It's just raining lightly here now which makes a huge difference to the X many mm's we had in such a short time. Was more than Jan's monthly rainfall.
I saw my GP today. Was a little stressful. Mentioned some of the stuff at home and it just left me feeling a little spacey. :(
I was reading through my notes today from my therapist and my social worker and i am thinking about taking them up on the offer of meeting with the psychiatrist to talk about my BPD.
I don't think they get me on an emotional level they could never understand how i feel only someone with BPD would know how it feels.
I have had such a mixture of emotions today, woke up ok then went to hyper, agitated and over excited then it all came down with a bang to being so depressed and wanting to escape i have no idea what was going with me.
Maybe because i went to the shops and panicked and wanted to leave, maybe realized that i wasn't feeling as good as i thought i was this morning.
A half marathon is still quite a run, my sons nursery school teacher is a runner and trains continuously.
In some ways i wish my therapist would do something all this waiting is driving me mad and from reading my notes i am the same as last year maybe even slightly worse at times.
The weather is mad, we are forecast more snow everyone is really worried about it.Hope you had a good day.
I don't think they get me on an emotional level they could never understand how i feel only someone with BPD would know how it feels.
I have had such a mixture of emotions today, woke up ok then went to hyper, agitated and over excited then it all came down with a bang to being so depressed and wanting to escape i have no idea what was going with me.
Maybe because i went to the shops and panicked and wanted to leave, maybe realized that i wasn't feeling as good as i thought i was this morning.
A half marathon is still quite a run, my sons nursery school teacher is a runner and trains continuously.
In some ways i wish my therapist would do something all this waiting is driving me mad and from reading my notes i am the same as last year maybe even slightly worse at times.
The weather is mad, we are forecast more snow everyone is really worried about it.Hope you had a good day.
I disagree with your T's comment about cbt and bpd, etc.
dbt skills are used to treat bpd and a big part of that is mindfulness meditation, being in the present.
My T use to work with that past stuff but only as it came up in the present.
Your T acknowledges his limitations which is good. I have had T's who think that they are pretty awesome and haven't been that useful in helping me, just in making things worse.
I don't think people really get bpd on an emotional level.
Half marathon. I decided against the full due to injuries and it perhaps putting too much pressure on me emotionally at this time.
I'm glad I went yesterday because we have floods here today. Who says climate change doesn't exist? Worst droughts, worst floods, worst snowfalls, ... ??
dbt skills are used to treat bpd and a big part of that is mindfulness meditation, being in the present.
My T use to work with that past stuff but only as it came up in the present.
Your T acknowledges his limitations which is good. I have had T's who think that they are pretty awesome and haven't been that useful in helping me, just in making things worse.
I don't think people really get bpd on an emotional level.
Half marathon. I decided against the full due to injuries and it perhaps putting too much pressure on me emotionally at this time.
I'm glad I went yesterday because we have floods here today. Who says climate change doesn't exist? Worst droughts, worst floods, worst snowfalls, ... ??
I think in fairness to him he read up on some stuff and gave me information regarding primitive defenses and stuff thats why i behave the way i do i precieve everyone as a threat and able to hurt me. I just wicsh i could feel secure with him but maybe thats more my fault than his.
He did say though that BPD could be treated that people understood it alot more than they used too but he said not everyone totally understood it even professionals.
He said in CBT therapy he works in the here and now and for BPD he said i need to go back and deal with alot of stuff and he can't do that with me, i suppose he is being honest about his ability to help me.
I hope you are able to do the run this year i remember you talking about it last year.
I think its really good that you can do something like that, i am so unfit i could never run a marathon.
I hope you had a good day.
He did say though that BPD could be treated that people understood it alot more than they used too but he said not everyone totally understood it even professionals.
He said in CBT therapy he works in the here and now and for BPD he said i need to go back and deal with alot of stuff and he can't do that with me, i suppose he is being honest about his ability to help me.
I hope you are able to do the run this year i remember you talking about it last year.
I think its really good that you can do something like that, i am so unfit i could never run a marathon.
I hope you had a good day.
Sometimes if we stand back we can see that they have heard and are trying to help. Sometimes it's important for us to go through each of those individual steps ourselves though. Pity that we feel we need to go through the whole process ourself just to be validated. Sometimes others see things a little too clearly for our own comfort.
BPD isn't exactly a new disorder. Shouldn't all psychologists be trained in all the mental disorders, or at least have some idea about how best to treat them. I understand that people have preferences and prefer to specialize but ... surely bpd comes under what he is expected to be able to treat. ?? What's wrong with him accessing a clinical text and reading that too.
My parents have all gone off doing their own individual thing. I just took the dog for a 30' run. Felt more like a sprint with him pulling me but I guess that will help my overall speed and fitness. Still looking to do a half marathon soon. This has been my first week of training. My doctor, I think, was doing a tri this weekend. Lance Armstrong was going to compete in it too but pulled out a few weeks ago due to injuries.
My doctor will most likely do the tri at this other event with me doing the trail run. Just shows how behind in training and fitness I am. :(
BPD isn't exactly a new disorder. Shouldn't all psychologists be trained in all the mental disorders, or at least have some idea about how best to treat them. I understand that people have preferences and prefer to specialize but ... surely bpd comes under what he is expected to be able to treat. ?? What's wrong with him accessing a clinical text and reading that too.
My parents have all gone off doing their own individual thing. I just took the dog for a 30' run. Felt more like a sprint with him pulling me but I guess that will help my overall speed and fitness. Still looking to do a half marathon soon. This has been my first week of training. My doctor, I think, was doing a tri this weekend. Lance Armstrong was going to compete in it too but pulled out a few weeks ago due to injuries.
My doctor will most likely do the tri at this other event with me doing the trail run. Just shows how behind in training and fitness I am. :(
I don't understand the man at all he does help but its like he is telling me what to do not actually listening to what i need him to do.
I think he will get fed up with me he isn't trained in BPD so there is only so much he can do anyway.
I agree he brought it up at the wrong time, i felt he was looking for a reaction or to see how i would cope.
I am glad you got some sleep, hope you have a good day and not too stressed by your mum.
I think he will get fed up with me he isn't trained in BPD so there is only so much he can do anyway.
I agree he brought it up at the wrong time, i felt he was looking for a reaction or to see how i would cope.
I am glad you got some sleep, hope you have a good day and not too stressed by your mum.
Why didn't he just wait for an opportune time to dig further? If you ask me he is just plain nosy and isn't being sensitive to your needs.
"A bit of a crisis as usual ..." Yes, because he isn't doing his job or doesn't have the skill or experience to treat you.
No you didn't over-react. What idiot would bring something like that up when a person is in crisis. Confidentiality is always an issue. It doesn't cease to exist because several people or organizations know some details.
What I did do yesterday just absolutely stuffed me out. I slept for 11 hours last night/ this morning.
Sorry for the emotion laden post. Mum has just come in bitching. I need my space while she needs to vent.
"A bit of a crisis as usual ..." Yes, because he isn't doing his job or doesn't have the skill or experience to treat you.
No you didn't over-react. What idiot would bring something like that up when a person is in crisis. Confidentiality is always an issue. It doesn't cease to exist because several people or organizations know some details.
What I did do yesterday just absolutely stuffed me out. I slept for 11 hours last night/ this morning.
Sorry for the emotion laden post. Mum has just come in bitching. I need my space while she needs to vent.
I hope you get some rest and don't feel so tired.
My therapist told me when i spoke him this morning i had a bit of a crisis as usual but he said that he asked because confidentally is no longer an issue my partner knows and the police knows and we have been talking about it for years so he thought it was ok to ask, i suppose it was really i over reacted as usual which in turn caused my partner to over react i really need to learn to shut my mouth.
It sounds like your very busy, i hope you are able to get your work done.
My therapist told me when i spoke him this morning i had a bit of a crisis as usual but he said that he asked because confidentally is no longer an issue my partner knows and the police knows and we have been talking about it for years so he thought it was ok to ask, i suppose it was really i over reacted as usual which in turn caused my partner to over react i really need to learn to shut my mouth.
It sounds like your very busy, i hope you are able to get your work done.
It seemed a little out of line too. I expect that information could be passed on to the police.
I feel really tired at the moment and just want to go to bed and sleep.
Have been quite busy with digging up whole fence lines for logging trucks and doing firewood. Have had a few days off (we had a couple of tropical cyclones merge and pass over us) but I still just want to sleep. Not sure why. I think I've recovered physically.
I really do need to go and do some more work though. Haven't done any for a few days. I wanted to get our whole hedge cleared up before next week. It's about 800m of big branches to clear away, made difficult because it is on a hill and hard to access.
Good luck for your sw appointment tomorrow.
I feel really tired at the moment and just want to go to bed and sleep.
Have been quite busy with digging up whole fence lines for logging trucks and doing firewood. Have had a few days off (we had a couple of tropical cyclones merge and pass over us) but I still just want to sleep. Not sure why. I think I've recovered physically.
I really do need to go and do some more work though. Haven't done any for a few days. I wanted to get our whole hedge cleared up before next week. It's about 800m of big branches to clear away, made difficult because it is on a hill and hard to access.
Good luck for your sw appointment tomorrow.
I sometimes wish they would take more control my treatment team that is, i feel i tell them what to do more than they do me.
It was the psychiatrist who suggested that i stay with my therapist he said that people would BPD need a safe person a safe place where they can form a good relationship and he thinks my therapist and i have that so he thought it safer not to break it.
I agree in a way with him because i am so attached to him that if they break it and i hit a crisis it will be the last crisis i ever have i would never cope they know that.
It would be nice to feel contained though and feel like someone was taking control and ensuring that i was safe instead i feel all insecure.
He asked me yeasterday what was the name of the man who raped me i wasn't sure what he had said so i asked him are you asking me to tell you and he said yes i want you to tell me, i don't know why he done that and it has upset me abit was he looking for a reaction or was he just curious, left me feeling very strange and made me think about it alot. At times i feel he doesn't know what to do to help me but then at the same time he can't let me go i don't know who is more unsure me or him, i am very alert to what mood he is in so i sense his insecurity around me and what to do.
Its a shame you don't have a good relationship with your mother either, i used tot alk to mine but she never listened, she talked over me and basically ignored me. When i was sick 3 years ago with a blood clot, she had a fight with my partner and then called me in hospital to tell me about it, she never asked me how i was i could disappear tomorrow and she wouldn't care. At times i think of doing things you know so that i would disappear just to spite her but you know she really wouldn't care. I would only hurt those who do actually care.
I have my social worker tomorrow again i am glad its been a stressful week and just staying out of bed is a challenge some days.
How are things with you? I hope you are well.
It was the psychiatrist who suggested that i stay with my therapist he said that people would BPD need a safe person a safe place where they can form a good relationship and he thinks my therapist and i have that so he thought it safer not to break it.
I agree in a way with him because i am so attached to him that if they break it and i hit a crisis it will be the last crisis i ever have i would never cope they know that.
It would be nice to feel contained though and feel like someone was taking control and ensuring that i was safe instead i feel all insecure.
He asked me yeasterday what was the name of the man who raped me i wasn't sure what he had said so i asked him are you asking me to tell you and he said yes i want you to tell me, i don't know why he done that and it has upset me abit was he looking for a reaction or was he just curious, left me feeling very strange and made me think about it alot. At times i feel he doesn't know what to do to help me but then at the same time he can't let me go i don't know who is more unsure me or him, i am very alert to what mood he is in so i sense his insecurity around me and what to do.
Its a shame you don't have a good relationship with your mother either, i used tot alk to mine but she never listened, she talked over me and basically ignored me. When i was sick 3 years ago with a blood clot, she had a fight with my partner and then called me in hospital to tell me about it, she never asked me how i was i could disappear tomorrow and she wouldn't care. At times i think of doing things you know so that i would disappear just to spite her but you know she really wouldn't care. I would only hurt those who do actually care.
I have my social worker tomorrow again i am glad its been a stressful week and just staying out of bed is a challenge some days.
How are things with you? I hope you are well.
Your mother will have reasons for being the way she is. My mum and her mum were kind of in the same boat. Mum felt rejected by her mother and for some reason they could never bridge that gap. Mum was reading something in one of Dr Phil's books and she wrote a letter to her mother, but didn't post it. I think that helped give her some closure.
My relationship with my mother isn't all that dissimilar. We talk but I can often feel invalidated by her comments. Is ironic that she can't or won't give me what I need to heal. Is good that we can function independently of our parents though. I have learned to accept not feeling understood or being loved unconditionally by my mother. Some days we're OK, other days we're not.
I really hate how your treatment team keep approaching your recovery process. I think that you should have psychotherapy and not have involvement from any others. I don't feel that people have boundaries or that you are being contained. It would just be nice to see things really work for you for once.
My relationship with my mother isn't all that dissimilar. We talk but I can often feel invalidated by her comments. Is ironic that she can't or won't give me what I need to heal. Is good that we can function independently of our parents though. I have learned to accept not feeling understood or being loved unconditionally by my mother. Some days we're OK, other days we're not.
I really hate how your treatment team keep approaching your recovery process. I think that you should have psychotherapy and not have involvement from any others. I don't feel that people have boundaries or that you are being contained. It would just be nice to see things really work for you for once.
Hi, my sw called me on Saturday she never checked her machine on Friday she said she was called to an emergency and it was only on Saturday that she found a note among her stuff to say i had called i had left a message with the reception as well and they had put it in her tray, she apologized she said she knew i would be upset i said i was and she understoood where i was coming from. She is seeing me two days a week now instead of one she said that maybe knowing i have more support and its more structured that will help i hope so.
I know my writing probably is a bit overwhelming at times and i apologize for that i know you have problems as well, i'm not really expecting it all to be answered i just think writing it down helps if that makes sense.
I have been so depressed all week nothing is working and i am very grumpy even with my children then i feel guilty about that.
I met with my therapist this morning and he asked me the name of the guy who raped me i don't know why he did but anyway i told him and then felt uncomfortable about it, maybe i should have asked why he wanted to know.
I am seeing my sw again on Friday so you are right its good to know what is planned and when it helps me feel more secure and not so abandoned.
I saw my old social worker yesterday and cried again this is unreal i wasn't talking to her though which is just as well.
My new sw said the plan is for me to go to psychotherapy and still keep my old therapist as well they said because i trust him they won't break that because the other therapy may be too much without him, i hope it works like that anyway.
You are lucky in a way that its warm its freezing here and we are out of oil and can';t afford anymore just yet.
I hope all is well with you and i understand you can't talk all the time.
As for my mother all that is gone i have to accept it and move on she no longer wants to see me. Take Care
I know my writing probably is a bit overwhelming at times and i apologize for that i know you have problems as well, i'm not really expecting it all to be answered i just think writing it down helps if that makes sense.
I have been so depressed all week nothing is working and i am very grumpy even with my children then i feel guilty about that.
I met with my therapist this morning and he asked me the name of the guy who raped me i don't know why he did but anyway i told him and then felt uncomfortable about it, maybe i should have asked why he wanted to know.
I am seeing my sw again on Friday so you are right its good to know what is planned and when it helps me feel more secure and not so abandoned.
I saw my old social worker yesterday and cried again this is unreal i wasn't talking to her though which is just as well.
My new sw said the plan is for me to go to psychotherapy and still keep my old therapist as well they said because i trust him they won't break that because the other therapy may be too much without him, i hope it works like that anyway.
You are lucky in a way that its warm its freezing here and we are out of oil and can';t afford anymore just yet.
I hope all is well with you and i understand you can't talk all the time.
As for my mother all that is gone i have to accept it and move on she no longer wants to see me. Take Care
Maybe she accidentally deleted the messages or they got taped over?
Over two years later my T is apparently still on the phone (since I was told he would call me when he was off the phone). ?? Who really knows what goes on in a mhs.
It was good that you were able to discuss it with your partner. I think that that was healthy. It also seemed to have helped him see where you were coming from, even if he didn't understand it.
Changing your appointments to different days seems to make sense. For me doing that helped me to have structure (or a sense of purpose). It can be reassuring to wake up and have things planned. Perhaps some sort of responsibility even?
I was taking meds for sleep. I found that quite helpful as I become particularly vulnerable when I'm tired. One doctor once offered me a med as a crisis tool. (The name of the med (chloro whatever) made me feel that it was an anti-psychotic and just about pushed me into crisis mode as it was. I'm pretty sure I was close to dissociating then.)
Anyway, I find lorazepam OK (minus some of the side-effects) but I absolutely refuse to take an anti-psychotic. I think it can be helpful to have a med that you can use as a back-up tool if you need it. I think that is using it to your advantage. I'm not a huge fan of doctors so I don't tend to listen to them very much. I just had way too much of doctors telling me to take meds. It would have been nice had they just listened to me. I wonder if doctors receive commission for each script they write -could explain things.
I like you. Your mother's rejection will be hard to deal with but it doesn't mean that others won't like you. Not everybody likes everyone though. You will find that there are some people that you don't like. There are people who I like more than others.
That thinking changes with therapy and time.
I was big on self-hatred at one time. I think that I was more extreme than many others with bpd that I met. I think that if I can change then you can too. Seriously!
My posts are on that dbtclass or dbt discussion group list if you want to check them out. I seem to have effectively messed with the whole list when my intention was only ever to get better. bps is one messed up disorder.
You will have another T and may not even need your sw. If you do you can have this conversation with her. Maybe have it with her anyway.
Probably. There are times when I don't want to talk to anyone with bpd (just because i can't cope with it emotionally or don't feel that I have anything left to give). It's selfish but I feel overwhelmed sometimes too. But then I am not a T. If I were I would like to think that I would consider the needs of others.
Maybe you are but I think that when the struggle is so hard it is important to have that support. Others are different. Sometimes I wouldn't mind seeing how they would cope for one week with this. I don't think that many of them would.
Maybe you should just aim to do something and if you do have a panic attack then deal with that then.
I use to want to run a lot too. You will find that most things will just follow you.
Sorry to have not replied to your post sooner (and maybe I wouldn't have had it not been for your other one).
I've been having trouble concentrating and I think I just switched off when I saw all the text.
Have been feeling pretty shattered too with the heat (30oC) and the work (have had the loggers here and are cutting firewood both before and after they leave plus other stuff. I haven't done very much the past few days (a couple of tropical cyclones passed through) but still haven't caught up on lost sleep. Why is it that people ring or planes fly over when you want to sleep? What's wrong with after 6.30 am?
Hey, complex is good. I was labelled as difficult and different.
Have you thought about what it is you can't cope with? I have found certain themes and triggers for me. Knowing those may be able to help you.
Just tell people you're grumpy and ask them to don flame-suits. Was something some of the guys did on one of the lists.
I did this with my GP once. Suggested he may like to wear his patient- retardant flame-suit. I must have been feeling really bitchy that day. I'd told him that I would keep his text on anxiety if he wouldn't return my book. I took it with me to my appointment though and was pleased to see that he had brought mine too.
Over two years later my T is apparently still on the phone (since I was told he would call me when he was off the phone). ?? Who really knows what goes on in a mhs.
It was good that you were able to discuss it with your partner. I think that that was healthy. It also seemed to have helped him see where you were coming from, even if he didn't understand it.
Changing your appointments to different days seems to make sense. For me doing that helped me to have structure (or a sense of purpose). It can be reassuring to wake up and have things planned. Perhaps some sort of responsibility even?
I was taking meds for sleep. I found that quite helpful as I become particularly vulnerable when I'm tired. One doctor once offered me a med as a crisis tool. (The name of the med (chloro whatever) made me feel that it was an anti-psychotic and just about pushed me into crisis mode as it was. I'm pretty sure I was close to dissociating then.)
Anyway, I find lorazepam OK (minus some of the side-effects) but I absolutely refuse to take an anti-psychotic. I think it can be helpful to have a med that you can use as a back-up tool if you need it. I think that is using it to your advantage. I'm not a huge fan of doctors so I don't tend to listen to them very much. I just had way too much of doctors telling me to take meds. It would have been nice had they just listened to me. I wonder if doctors receive commission for each script they write -could explain things.
I like you. Your mother's rejection will be hard to deal with but it doesn't mean that others won't like you. Not everybody likes everyone though. You will find that there are some people that you don't like. There are people who I like more than others.
That thinking changes with therapy and time.
I was big on self-hatred at one time. I think that I was more extreme than many others with bpd that I met. I think that if I can change then you can too. Seriously!
My posts are on that dbtclass or dbt discussion group list if you want to check them out. I seem to have effectively messed with the whole list when my intention was only ever to get better. bps is one messed up disorder.
You will have another T and may not even need your sw. If you do you can have this conversation with her. Maybe have it with her anyway.
Probably. There are times when I don't want to talk to anyone with bpd (just because i can't cope with it emotionally or don't feel that I have anything left to give). It's selfish but I feel overwhelmed sometimes too. But then I am not a T. If I were I would like to think that I would consider the needs of others.
Maybe you are but I think that when the struggle is so hard it is important to have that support. Others are different. Sometimes I wouldn't mind seeing how they would cope for one week with this. I don't think that many of them would.
Maybe you should just aim to do something and if you do have a panic attack then deal with that then.
I use to want to run a lot too. You will find that most things will just follow you.
Sorry to have not replied to your post sooner (and maybe I wouldn't have had it not been for your other one).
I've been having trouble concentrating and I think I just switched off when I saw all the text.
Have been feeling pretty shattered too with the heat (30oC) and the work (have had the loggers here and are cutting firewood both before and after they leave plus other stuff. I haven't done very much the past few days (a couple of tropical cyclones passed through) but still haven't caught up on lost sleep. Why is it that people ring or planes fly over when you want to sleep? What's wrong with after 6.30 am?
Hey, complex is good. I was labelled as difficult and different.
Have you thought about what it is you can't cope with? I have found certain themes and triggers for me. Knowing those may be able to help you.
Just tell people you're grumpy and ask them to don flame-suits. Was something some of the guys did on one of the lists.
I did this with my GP once. Suggested he may like to wear his patient- retardant flame-suit. I must have been feeling really bitchy that day. I'd told him that I would keep his text on anxiety if he wouldn't return my book. I took it with me to my appointment though and was pleased to see that he had brought mine too.
Thanyou for your reply, i guess it would be hard to know what to advise me my therapist said i am very complex person to me that means i am an awkward person but anyway, still depressed and dropping i know medication is probably needed nothing else at this time is working. I just have enough energy to crawl out of bed in the morning but i'm not very nice to be around, brings my thinking back to looking for escpae routes out of all of this. Thanks again for your help.
Yeah they need to listen to me, my therapist did call me back and he did spend time listening to me and answering me so i think he knows thats what i needed, he said not to worry about my social worker calling me back that there are many reasons she might not have called, i told him i needed to speak to her that both their appointments were on the same day so he said he would change his appointment to another day.
He said there is alot going in my life right now and that is adding to how i feel he said to think more about the medication even just to help me sleep but he said to not stress about it that he would still try to help me without medication.
I am angry i think because of the way my mother has treated me that is the ultimate rejection and i feel that if my own mother doesn't even like me there is little hope of anyone else liking me.
I do feel rejected by my social worker now i actually sat and cried yesterday about it, my partner couldn't understand why i felt so bad about it, i said her not calling means to me that im not worth it in her eyes that i don't even mean enough to her for her to call me back he said i was wrong that he wouldn't have thought that at all, so i said why do i think like that then.
What confuses me about it is that the first ever time i called her she said she nearly missed my mesage in her tray and she said she knows i would have been upset if she hadn't called so whats different now i left the messages on her answering machine so she was bound to have got them.
I hate myself more than i hate anyone else i feel that i am at fault not others.
That is really disrespectful for you to be talking and him typing away, i would have been annoyed too.
Now i am only out of bed its 2pm i just didn't want to get up, i am still upset at her, i hate that about myself too.
I think it annoys me so much because its her i am left with when i go to psychotherapy if she can't call me now what happens if i really need her and i no longer have my therapist, so much to think about.
I am either angry or depressed or anxious there isn't any happiness anymore, i think i am afriad too that because she knows i have BPD that she is ignoring me.
Maybe i am paranoid too so my partner keeps telling me.
I am going to try and do something today without having a panic attack.
Also feeling the need to escpae alot again its never ending.
He said there is alot going in my life right now and that is adding to how i feel he said to think more about the medication even just to help me sleep but he said to not stress about it that he would still try to help me without medication.
I am angry i think because of the way my mother has treated me that is the ultimate rejection and i feel that if my own mother doesn't even like me there is little hope of anyone else liking me.
I do feel rejected by my social worker now i actually sat and cried yesterday about it, my partner couldn't understand why i felt so bad about it, i said her not calling means to me that im not worth it in her eyes that i don't even mean enough to her for her to call me back he said i was wrong that he wouldn't have thought that at all, so i said why do i think like that then.
What confuses me about it is that the first ever time i called her she said she nearly missed my mesage in her tray and she said she knows i would have been upset if she hadn't called so whats different now i left the messages on her answering machine so she was bound to have got them.
I hate myself more than i hate anyone else i feel that i am at fault not others.
That is really disrespectful for you to be talking and him typing away, i would have been annoyed too.
Now i am only out of bed its 2pm i just didn't want to get up, i am still upset at her, i hate that about myself too.
I think it annoys me so much because its her i am left with when i go to psychotherapy if she can't call me now what happens if i really need her and i no longer have my therapist, so much to think about.
I am either angry or depressed or anxious there isn't any happiness anymore, i think i am afriad too that because she knows i have BPD that she is ignoring me.
Maybe i am paranoid too so my partner keeps telling me.
I am going to try and do something today without having a panic attack.
Also feeling the need to escpae alot again its never ending.
I found that use to happen with me too where the tension mounted to the point where something had to happen for it to dissipate.
I use to find that feeling emotionally connected to someone helped. Feeling heard and validated was very important to me. I expect the non-responses aren't helping any and may be contributing to feelings of rejection, etc.
I'm pretty negative too (and critical and judgmental) so we might have to fight for the title. I think it's more a harsh internal critic though. It can be pretty hard to be positive when you are depressed plus have all that negative self-talk going on.
Maybe your sw was away or sick, etc. Maybe she didn't even get your messages??
I find it difficult building relationships with people who value or respect me so little.
I had a meeting with an advocate regarding a complaint and he just sat and typed away someone elses complaint. I was like, Hello! I thought it was pretty rude and disrespectful and felt he could have done that at another time. It didn't endear me to him. I felt so frustrated in fact that I just wanted to get up and leave.
One thing that helped me with my anger once was my doctor saying that he could see that I was angry. Does that help you if we validate your anger? What do you think is making you feel angry?
I use to find that feeling emotionally connected to someone helped. Feeling heard and validated was very important to me. I expect the non-responses aren't helping any and may be contributing to feelings of rejection, etc.
I'm pretty negative too (and critical and judgmental) so we might have to fight for the title. I think it's more a harsh internal critic though. It can be pretty hard to be positive when you are depressed plus have all that negative self-talk going on.
Maybe your sw was away or sick, etc. Maybe she didn't even get your messages??
I find it difficult building relationships with people who value or respect me so little.
I had a meeting with an advocate regarding a complaint and he just sat and typed away someone elses complaint. I was like, Hello! I thought it was pretty rude and disrespectful and felt he could have done that at another time. It didn't endear me to him. I felt so frustrated in fact that I just wanted to get up and leave.
One thing that helped me with my anger once was my doctor saying that he could see that I was angry. Does that help you if we validate your anger? What do you think is making you feel angry?
I know what you are saying makes so much sense but my mood is so low i can't seem to make sense of anything i am so angry all the time, i have been calling my social worker these past two days and she hasn't called back i called my therapist today as well but i haven't heard from him yet. When i feel alone i am at my most vulnerable, surely they know that and right now i feel alone and very scared i slept two hours last night and was actually crying in my sleep i don't remember why though and then i woke with a panic attack and have been panicky ever since.
I really hope one of them calls back or this will build and build again its so frustrating.
I am just angry at everything and fight with everyone even if i don't mean too i just can't seem to shut my mouth.
I know i should be glad my life is ok compared to alot of people but its not my life making me feel this way its just me feeling this way i suppose there are many reasons too many to deal with, which is why its pointless i can never be helped and i am the most negative person i know.
I am let down by my social worker she kept telling me to call her and now i have she hasn't called back, ok i am trying to understand she is busy but surely she got my message, if she doesn't call back i may as well say goodbye to her any hope of building this relationship will be gone.
The other social worker would never have done this.
I am glad you had one therapist that helped you, its a shame you don't have her anymore.
Anyway i am on the edge today again, don't know how much longer i can hold on before something happens, just so fed up with it all now.
I really hope one of them calls back or this will build and build again its so frustrating.
I am just angry at everything and fight with everyone even if i don't mean too i just can't seem to shut my mouth.
I know i should be glad my life is ok compared to alot of people but its not my life making me feel this way its just me feeling this way i suppose there are many reasons too many to deal with, which is why its pointless i can never be helped and i am the most negative person i know.
I am let down by my social worker she kept telling me to call her and now i have she hasn't called back, ok i am trying to understand she is busy but surely she got my message, if she doesn't call back i may as well say goodbye to her any hope of building this relationship will be gone.
The other social worker would never have done this.
I am glad you had one therapist that helped you, its a shame you don't have her anymore.
Anyway i am on the edge today again, don't know how much longer i can hold on before something happens, just so fed up with it all now.
There is hope for everyone. Have you tried putting everything into perspective? For me at the moment this means so much more than being limited by mental illness.
You ARE strong enough to do this. I understand that it can be challenging but just break it down into smaller more manageable steps. It can be done.
Sometimes medication actually helps to give you control. If it has been helpful then maybe you should look to continue taking it until you feel ready to take back full control.
Taking medication doesn't make you a bad or weak person.
It is understandable that you wouldn't want to give that up. Have you considered taking that risk though and leaving him? Even if you don't get on with the next T at least you would have grown personally. I just say this because I know that you feel stuck.
I think that you were always unwell enough to benefit from time in hospital. I think that you had a lot going on too with the police, etc. I think it all compounded. Losing your support at that time wasn't helpful either.
A lot of people I think don't really understand bpd, not really. Maybe on a clinical level but not emotionally. Even on a clinical level I think the clinician will interpret or dictate the information to meet their own needs and not those of their client/ patient.
Sometimes it's hard to gain that validation from people who can't comprehend that someone elses world is so vastly different to their own. Certainly I have trouble viewing the world from others perspective without all the fear and anxiety (or degree of fear and anxiety that we live with almost constantly). What would the world look like without that?
You push people away when you feel vulnerable so as not to get hurt further.
You and your partner have needed to sort some issues out for ages. The relationship as it has been has been unhealthy for all of you, your children included.
Your mother has serious issues herself. While she is your mother I don't think that you should use her as a reference as to a healthy relationship. I'm sure your mother's perceived hatred has many root causes. The thing is that none of that is your fault or your problem. Let her deal with her own issues and try not to own them, they are not yours. She should be in therapy herself. Don't waste your life though because of choices she is making with hers.
If the T is any good they will make the transition smooth and it won't be as stressful as it could otherwise be.
I was at rock bottom when I saw my T and together we worked to regain some trust and hope for the future.
Just take a step back, outside of your issues, and see what you can see. Maybe try looking at it from someone elses perspective and not your own. What would I see? What would your T see? What would your healthy part see?
You ARE strong enough to do this. I understand that it can be challenging but just break it down into smaller more manageable steps. It can be done.
Sometimes medication actually helps to give you control. If it has been helpful then maybe you should look to continue taking it until you feel ready to take back full control.
Taking medication doesn't make you a bad or weak person.
It is understandable that you wouldn't want to give that up. Have you considered taking that risk though and leaving him? Even if you don't get on with the next T at least you would have grown personally. I just say this because I know that you feel stuck.
I think that you were always unwell enough to benefit from time in hospital. I think that you had a lot going on too with the police, etc. I think it all compounded. Losing your support at that time wasn't helpful either.
A lot of people I think don't really understand bpd, not really. Maybe on a clinical level but not emotionally. Even on a clinical level I think the clinician will interpret or dictate the information to meet their own needs and not those of their client/ patient.
Sometimes it's hard to gain that validation from people who can't comprehend that someone elses world is so vastly different to their own. Certainly I have trouble viewing the world from others perspective without all the fear and anxiety (or degree of fear and anxiety that we live with almost constantly). What would the world look like without that?
You push people away when you feel vulnerable so as not to get hurt further.
You and your partner have needed to sort some issues out for ages. The relationship as it has been has been unhealthy for all of you, your children included.
Your mother has serious issues herself. While she is your mother I don't think that you should use her as a reference as to a healthy relationship. I'm sure your mother's perceived hatred has many root causes. The thing is that none of that is your fault or your problem. Let her deal with her own issues and try not to own them, they are not yours. She should be in therapy herself. Don't waste your life though because of choices she is making with hers.
If the T is any good they will make the transition smooth and it won't be as stressful as it could otherwise be.
I was at rock bottom when I saw my T and together we worked to regain some trust and hope for the future.
Just take a step back, outside of your issues, and see what you can see. Maybe try looking at it from someone elses perspective and not your own. What would I see? What would your T see? What would your healthy part see?
yeah you are right its because i want to be in control not medication and medication comes with side effects its not perfect and i can't accept that, am i making sense. I want to be ok but i want to do it without medication i need to feel that there is hope for me and that i am strong enough to do this, i suppose i need to be perfect.
I have had several therapists too, this one i am clinging too as he is the only one i have connected with and even that connection isn't great.
I think my social worker leaving has affected me too i did truly connect with her and when i was seeing her it never got as far as needing hospital she understood me, now i just feel alone, lost and not understood, i was talking with my therapist yesterday and i feel myself pulling away from him it scares me to feel this detached from everyone its like i have disappeared into my own world and no one is getting in.
All my relationships are crumbling around me, my partner said he can't take much more, my mother hates me and i had a so called friend who was just using me to keep her children, i am refusing to speak to her.
I am glad you found someone who worked for you, maybe when i move to psychotherapy it wil be different but i don't hold much hope, i don't cope well meeting new people.
I have had several therapists too, this one i am clinging too as he is the only one i have connected with and even that connection isn't great.
I think my social worker leaving has affected me too i did truly connect with her and when i was seeing her it never got as far as needing hospital she understood me, now i just feel alone, lost and not understood, i was talking with my therapist yesterday and i feel myself pulling away from him it scares me to feel this detached from everyone its like i have disappeared into my own world and no one is getting in.
All my relationships are crumbling around me, my partner said he can't take much more, my mother hates me and i had a so called friend who was just using me to keep her children, i am refusing to speak to her.
I am glad you found someone who worked for you, maybe when i move to psychotherapy it wil be different but i don't hold much hope, i don't cope well meeting new people.
It seems pointless because you feel scared and vulnerable. I think that is also part of the black and white thinking. If it can't be as you would like or expect it or it can't be perfect then it is pointless.
Medication is never a lone option.
I personally believe that it is possible to get better without medication but with good therapy.
I went through tonnes of psychologists before finding a good one.
There was Aikle, Craig, Keriata, Kyle, Ellie, Tanya and then finally Sharon. Since she left I have seen Gina and George.
I don't necessarily think that therapy should be hard work. My first impression of Sharon was that I didn't think that I could work with her. Surprisingly I had the best working relationship with her. When you have that kind of relationship change just happens too and it doesn't feel like going to the dentist or something that carries with it a lot of trepidation.
Medication is never a lone option.
I personally believe that it is possible to get better without medication but with good therapy.
I went through tonnes of psychologists before finding a good one.
There was Aikle, Craig, Keriata, Kyle, Ellie, Tanya and then finally Sharon. Since she left I have seen Gina and George.
I don't necessarily think that therapy should be hard work. My first impression of Sharon was that I didn't think that I could work with her. Surprisingly I had the best working relationship with her. When you have that kind of relationship change just happens too and it doesn't feel like going to the dentist or something that carries with it a lot of trepidation.
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