reply to peter foster e-mail

[butterfly0fairynew]

This is a reply to the e-mail u sent after my last post, will look at webiste, i could nt reply using emial thing
I'm not doing well, i can not eat, somedays i can not get up, I can't do my work my arm and legs have cuts all over, i keep crying. bu at the moment there is days when i don't know how to explain it it is like i am on high but im not i am still angry and sad but my energy levels and thoughts and rational thinking are that of when i am high, the things i do its all a bit of a blur but i know i have slept with a few people thrown parties, disappeared, getting into fights, and do dangerous things and i made myself more in debt.  Life is a mess  i can't stand it everything black is hard to breath i just got back after going off on one for a few days i am lucky to not be sat in a police cell really. looking at my hands there cut and i don't remember how they got that way my throat is sore like i been strangled, lost weight and all ready before hand medically underweight, look pale and tired and collapsed today a couple of times,i am pretty sure i dntt look or smel to good ethier, a few of my items are broken. know i lay here i do not have the energy to get a glass of water even though im so dehydrated but i don't care if i die tho.i feel dead and blackness has got me in its grips planning my end but this time trying to make sure there is no way i can survive it.  dnt know what to do anymore at the moment im rotting in my pit not egtting out of bed all i got is what by the side of my bedside table my laptop broken glass and vodka  and my ipod. help

[Jaquta]

I'm glad that your friend is now accessing medical care.  She has sounded somewhat unwell for a while and I am grateful that she is now receiving medical care.

It must have taken your friend a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help and I am glad that she did.  I am also glad that she had friends that she felt she could rely on.

It is sad when we, patients, become well known to treatment providers but in this case I expect it may have made things easier.  Less explaining, etc causing less distress.

Stubbornness can be a strength.  It is often what gets many of us through.  Any resistance, I think, is due to our overwhelming fears and anxieties.

I expect many of these health professionals have seen a lot in their careers.  People rarely benefit from being judged when they are feeling vulnerable or unwell.  I'm glad the staff seemed nice.  I know that your friend had concerns about hospital.  I sincerely hope that she finds it OK and even helpful.  She mentioned a nice nurse previously.  I hope that she is able to re-connect with her if she still works there and if not that she finds others just as lovely.  Many are kind, caring and compassionate.  I hope that they are able to give her the time and space that she needs.

As a friend, it must be a huge relief to know that she is accessing care.  I hope that you are OK.  It must have been a huge shock to see your friend like that.

I think that the doctor here has helped your friend a lot.  I also think that she valued his input.

I'm a little surprised that she disclosed her user name but I think that it is a nice gesture.  Thank you very much for up-dating us.  If you are in contact with her (I heard that the weather was atrocious) could you please pass on our best wishes.

Thank you for standing by her and being such a strong support.  

We look forward to hearing from her again when she is well enough.

Best wishes.

[butterfly0fairynew]

Hello,

This is butterfly0fairynew friend writing on her behalf, I have just got home after taken her to the hospital she was in a bad place when I found her after a message I had received from her, but she shall be ok she is in the right hands and I have every faith they will get her through it. They instantly recognized her name as she has had many problems with mental health in the past.

I would also like to thank you all who have been supportive on here. I believe that her contacting me was due to encouragement from you guys, as she can be very stubborn at times. The emergency psych seemed very pleasant. I think it was amazing how they do not re-act; I was horrified when I saw the state of her: but yet the psych did not batter an eyelash and was very helpful.

Now to keep fingers and toes crossed she will be ok, but she is in good hands know.I am grateful someone got to her in time.

Thank you all x x

[Jaquta]

The appointment was a good idea but unfortunate it didn't eventuate due to the weather conditions.  I think that you should make a call to them and let them come to you.
There is probably some very scientific explanation that someone could give you regarding the weather at this time.  It happens.  Many people struggle to predict the elements with much certainty.
In the meantime I would probably encourage you to eat and drink.  Also stop cutting.  Those cuts may be getting infected too so maybe trying to clean them would be good.  You could feel yuck from blood loss too so drinking a lot of water could be important.
I think that medical attention should be your priority.  If you can't access that then having a friend help you out in the short-term could be helpful.

I expect I can relate to some of how you feel.  I feel like someone is prodding me with a hot poker at the moment to make sure I make better decisions for myself.  It's painful but I kind of feel as though I am stumbling one foot over the other, sometimes falling on my face, but still getting up all dirty and muddy and trudging on, somehow, exhausted.  Hopefully it is somewhere in the right direction.  Hopefully I won't get too burnt and turn on the individual/s trying to help.

I think that you should try and get to the hospital, however that may be (friends, family, hospital staff, police, etc) and do that asap.

Take care

[Peter Forster]

I am glad that you setup that appointment. It is an important step.

It is a long road, but I am sure that you will make it if you persist.

[butterfly0fairynew]

I had an appointment booked for today a friend was going to take me as i don't have the energy it was a compromise instead of go straight down to a hospital , but there is bad snow and has been cancelled as some people can not make it into work the island is like on lock down, all school college are closed a lot of paces en-fact, i knew this was going to happen because the darkness wants me and does not want let me go, i knew it would find away. My arm hurts so much from the cuts all i can do is cry!. i wrote out my wishes early hours of this morning and devised a plan for the end my end, i can not keep fighting them, i feel like i am slowly dying anyway my breath being sucked from the darkness. i barley got out of bed my stomach kills i am dehydrated my head hurts,being sick. There is glass all over the floor, i set traps for the caretaker cause she spies.Keep getting panic attacks i just want to go now feeling so ill and hopeless i look down to my side and see the bloodstained cloth where i been cutting and  cutting is just not enough to ease the pain i can't take this any more i can't i am 19 i never had a childhood i was abandoned and abused i just can't do this any more. I keep with the torture of the mood swings the pain the thoughts i can't  :(  sorry i just did not know where else to turn . :( :'(

[Jaquta]

Can you access another phone?  I understand it could be difficult but it could be worth the effort.  Could you also not go online and ask your friend to take you to the hospital?  Another option could be to ask that friend to ring the hospital and access help for you.  That way your friend isn't put in an awkward position and you can get the help you need.  Often we need friends and family to be strong for us when we aren't ourselves and often they can let us down believing in those moments when we are fearful and terrified that they are doing what we want or what is best for us.  Helping us to access that help is what we really need or what has the potential to make the greatest difference.

Darkness can feel safe but I don't think it is.  Being in the dark can make things worse.

I think I'm the same near hospitals.  I've been having problems myself and although I have received truckloads of support from Dr Forster I was actually wondering whether I did need to do that for myself, go to the hospital and ask for help.  I don't know why jeopardizing our health is so much easier than asking for help.

Sometimes I think that we need to accept that we need help and allow others to help us.

There are some nice people in the hospital.  Not just staff but patients too.
I have found hospitals to be better places when I cooperate with staff.  Negotiate was a word which was used for me today.  I think communicating our needs as best as we can can help us and also help others to respect us and our wishes and also help them to better understand us and where we're coming from.

I think that you should take Dr Forster's advice and get help.  I hope that you have already taken it and have managed to get some support.

I hope that things turn out well for you.  Wishing you all the very best at this time.

Take care

[mckheinzie]

offer empathy not sympathy.,

[butterfly0fairynew]

i got a friend who already wants to take me, and was trying to convince me the other day to go, they picked me up the other day and said right were going to hospital, the backed down because they were unsure if they were doing the right thing because i was screaming and crying and said if they took me there i would kill myself. my only contact with people at the moment is through internet as i broke my phone.  so no one can hear or see me or get to me unless I go online and choose to type to them and unblock them i don't want to talk to them . I have no family and i live alone.its so dark here not only in my mind but my room i made it dark cause u can hide in the dark its safer ain't it. but i can still hear them coming. i am really tired, but my dreams are not safe, nothing is.  I don't like hospitals they might do bad things to me, i really hate them i have panick attacks if i go anywhere near one. In the past i had to be dragged kicking and screaming with staff trying to restrain me and calm me down. There was one nurse i liked she was nice. i don't know what they will do to me if i go to hospitals im scared off them and scared they will make me stay n i dont liek them

[Peter Forster]

OK. It is clear that you need help and you need it now.

I think that you have enough going on (both medically and psychiatrically) that you should go to the A&E at St. Saviour's.

Is there someone you can call who might be able to go with you?