Is there help for my son?

[kentuckytumbleweed]

Eight years ago, 04 Jun 2000, my oldest son underwent "emergency" brain surgery to remove a colloid cyst the size of a large shooting marble in the center of his brain.  He'd had unexplained headaches for 18 years but the week before the surgery he suffered with an unrelenting headache that no over the counter drug would touch.  The day before the surgery he had his fiance' take him to the ER after vomiting the two days prior.  Every time he vomited, he said his brain felt as though it would explode.  After undergoing a CAT Scan and MRI the doctor told my son if the cyst was not removed my son would be dead within 24 hours.  During his traumatic four day hospital stay, my son turned 30 but to this day does not remember the birthday party we gave him.  Not once did a doctor talk with my son's fiance' or me regarding a follow-up regime.  The person we took home from the hospital was not the same person I raised.  Less than three weeks later, my son married his fiance' (against my urging them to wait a year to see if their relationship would be able to survive the changes noted in my son.  I felt very concerned by the changes in my son's behavior after the surgery).

Although there was some improvement four years post surgery with his short-term memory problems, my son has continued to suffer with short-term memory problems, raging, low energy and intolerance to stress.  His immune system has also been compromised, i.e. boils, frequent sinus problems, fungus on his toes.  Headaches have returned but not at the intensity prior his surgery.  He has vertigo problems, feels dizzy sometimes and has developed increased low back pain and pain in his knees and legs.

Two years ago his behavior appeared to worsen and we felt concerned the cyst had returned.  Sadly, my son's employer at the time of the surgery, released him of his duties 18 months post surgery (he was trained to be a pilot and airframe mechanic) and, as a result, lost his health insurance coverage.  The only job he's been able to obtain since losing his job as a flying instructor and FAA approved inspector is being a substitute school bus driver, a job rife with high stress, long hours, enormous aggravation and low pay with no health insurance.  He has a severe social deficit which affects all his relationships, especially with his wife, her three children from a prior marriage and his only son who is seven years old.

Earlier this month, I spent 11 days with my son, his wife and their only child together.  My son said things like, "I feel lost", "I feel stuck", "I don't know who I am anymore".  He expressed the fear of trying to find a different line of work because he might erupt during the interview and lose any chance of obtaining work in a more suitable field.  His wife appears to be angry and indifferent to his plight and does little to nothing to lighten his load.  Only recently has she begun to take charge of cooking meals.  For much of their marriage he did all the laundry, cleaning, dishes, cooking, preparing lunches for her children (before she lost them in a custody battle with her ex-husband) and shopping.

Two years post surgery we managed to get an appointment for my son to see a psychiatrist who put him through six hours of testing.  The doctor said that if he had gotten my son as a patient within two weeks to two months post surgery, my son would not have had the problems he's suffered with the past eight years.  He said my son had lost the ability to "screen" his thoughts, i.e. if he thought a thought, it was out his mouth which has, indeed, proven true.  He said my son has a high IQ so can remember what he was like before the surgery which causes him deep frustration because he is not able to change himself and improve his behavior.  The doctor had no idea the outcome if my son were financially able to afford regular therapy but highly recommended my son receive therapy.  But my son's unpredictable work schedule and shortage of finances would not allow him to get help.

Do you know if there are any resources available for my son to get emotional, psychological, physical and financial assistance?  I fear his marriage is in jeopardy.  I'm quite certain he suffers deep depression.  Please, if you have any suggestions, I would very much appreciate hearing from you.  Thank you for your time and hopeful assistance.