Perhaps you could try exploring what initially drew you to this attraction? For example, talking in therapy about childhood experiences that may have contributed. Were you a victim of abuse as a child? That could be a factor, but you have to bring it up to your therapist first so that they can talk you through it :) Otherwise they won't know to. Therapy is difficult because the therapist can;t see all the thoughts in your head, or your full life story... You have to help them out a little by guiding them through those experiences.
What the previous user said about medications is extremely useful and accurate. Medications are difficult, they're not all right for everybody.
Ok. Thanks for your comments.
Personally I would start from scratch again with a good psychologist...somebody you like and who you feel like is helping you. If you don't like the first one then go get another one and so on but don't give up. From there you can discuss whether you want to try meds again and hopefully get somebody who manages it correctly. The bottom line is that if you are not feeling any better after about 4 to 6 weeks then the med isn't working or it is at the wrong dosage. Best of luck to you.
I have several ebooks about CBT for OCD. They have been helpful to some extent.
First let me say that medications are different for every person. Not every medication works for every person. You could have been on the wrong med or the dosage was too low. There are many, many out there to try. Also, I have not found references for Metoral decreasing anxiety. It does slow down the heart but I think it is indicated more for heart issues rather than anxiety. Perhaps your doctor was using it off-label. Medications that help with anxiety are the benzodiazepines such as Xanax and Klonopin.
Can you get a hold of The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of OCD? It has really good CBT techniques in there and it is self-directed. We can order it from the internet on Amazon so I'm thinking you can too.
I took Fluxetine once a day. I think he prescribed Metoral to decrease my anxiety.
Okay, you took Prozac and what dose did you take? Also why was the metoral prescribed? It is a beta-blocker and not generally prescribed I don't think for OCD.
What medication did you take?
I am not sill in therapy. I took pills for 7 months and It had no effect but oversleeping. I went for CBT for 5-6 sessions but she didn't seem good at the therapy. There are other tons of intrusive thoughts plaguing my mind.
Do you use the CBT? The breathing technique? Does it help you at all? If you do use it, what aspect of it do you use?
I'm thinking that this must just be one more thing in a long line of things that you have had to deal with OCD-wise. Is this the one you are stuck on or are other thoughts happening as well? Also, why is therapy "futile" in your mind? They really cannot help you with something they don't know about. I have sat in that chair across from the therapist and said the same thing...I was too embarassed to say what was going on. Do you know what she said...she said that there wasn't anything I could tell her that she hadn't already heard before. Just because I didn't know what macrophilia is doesn't mean that they don't. They went to school for this stuff...I'm just a fellow OCD sufferer. So basically you are really shooting yourself in the foot here by going to therapy but not actually painting the complete picture. You are still in therapy, correct?
Thanks for your comment. I am an agnostic.Therefore masturbation is not the source of my suffering regarding my beliefs.
I have been to a therapist for my OCD but seeing him seemed futile. I am familiar with CBT, by the way. I am ashamed of telling my therapist about my suffering because it sounds very weird and I think he wouldn't understand the depth of my problem.
I honestly had to look up Macrophilia since I have never heard of it before. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like it is grounded in sexual fantasy perhaps along the lines of maladaptive daydreaming. I am a daydreamer and usually it falls under the sexual realm BUT it doesn't interfer with my life. I usually daydream while driving. Also, masturbating four times a week doesn't sound like a problem either. What I don't know is since you are from Iran and are Muslim, if masturbation goes against your religion and whether that is playing a part in your suffering as well?
I guess what it boils down to is that you have this thought in your head 24/7 regarding macrophilia? Have you been to a therapist?
You said "plagues my mind and makes me watch videos about tall women on the internet." What you have to realize is you control your mind and not the other way around. Right now your mind is winning out. You need to find other ways to release the anxiety you are feeling. The internet has to go because it is just feeding into your fantasy. You need to learn CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) so that you can stop the behavior and learn how to control the resulting anxiety. Like I said with my maladaptive daydreaming, it is not a problem for me so I let it be. But it does sound like your fantasy daydreams are taking up much of your waking hours and you need some help getting a handle on them.