I dont know if I have OCD?

[mccawwbird]

I know self diagnosing or trying to figure things like this out without an official source is bad but I need SOME idea of what's going on with me. As I begin to explain, you're gonna think I'm some typical teenage girl with perfectionist problems but PLEASE hear me out. I'm 17 years old. It usually happens when im doing my makeup(don't go yet!). When I'm doing my eyeliner or eyebrows, I HAVE to get them to look perfect. It gets to the point where I can spend TWO HOURS just trying to get both right, and hour for eyebrows and an hour for eyeliner. I get so frustrated that o start crying. I start pulling at my own hair, digging my nails into my skin and into the counter (its very unsatisfying that I don't pierce the counter since its.. You know.. A counter). Sometimes, when its really bad, I sort of just collapse sitting on the floor and bawling my eyes out. I do those weird silent airy sounding screams and they're usually really quiet because I don't want my dad to hear. Its just this thing where as soon as i start working on the eyebrows or eyeliner, its like I'm lured into this cage and locked into it and can't get out of it until I get them PERFECT. This usually results in me crying and scolding my reflection, asking things like "why can't you look pretty?? Why can't you do this right? What's wrong with you?" Etc. Its not uncommon for me to be wiping tears and trying to breathe steadily. I tried explaining it to my dad but he thinks its something I can get over, like I can just switch it off (strangely enough, he's officially diagnosed with OCD). The makeup thing has been going on for a couple years now. But now that I look back at it, I am an artist and I remember when I was younger I would draw pictures and sometimes I would spend 40 minutes to an hour or more on a part (leg, arm, face, etc) and I would get so frustrated that it wouldnt look the way I wanted to and just cry, and give up on the drawing all together.
ALSO, I always have had thoughts based on satisfaction-- for example, ever since I was little, I would imagine this flower in my head. This flower's stem will break in half, and the flower would fall over. Literally NOTHING I could do, tape it, glue it, staple it, tie it, would keep the stem from breaking and the flower falling over again (keep in mind, this is all in my own imagination). I also sometimes imagine a circle filling in itself in a clockwise motion, but right before its about to be full, it would start to empty itself. I can spend up to five minutes just trying to fill the circle or keeping the flower upright in my head just in hopes of feeling that satisfaction of a full circle or a flower that wont fall over. Also, sometimes I would get one thought stuck in my head; most of the time its a word or a short sentence, and when it gets stuck in my head, it keeps repeating over and over and over in my head and I cant get it to stop a lot of the times. It could be anything from something I heard someone say to something in the background that I wasn't even paying attention to. Just typing "over and over" made the my mind go wild just repeating itself like "over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over....(continued)" hahaha.

I came to this forum seeking help because I know that this is NOT normal. I just want some idea of what's going on, because I cant go do it myself in person.
(Also, I get some social anxiety when I have to confront people, appointments, etc. For example I almost cried once because my dad made me call Dominos to order a pizza and I was too nervous)

Any help/advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks!

[JGF25]

Hi there.  OCD comes in many shapes and flavors and probably not surprising to you there is a genetic component to it so if your dad has been diagnosed, there is a good chance that you will have it too.  

It seems to me that you are really struggling and the reality is that without the proper help, you will not get better.  As more stress comes into your life, you will become overwhelmed and depressed.  Now is the time to get the help you need.  First you do need to be diagnosed and yes you can have one or more mental disorders at the same time so it is important for the psychologist to evaluate you.  I see a hint of low self-esteem as well that I think plays a role in this and needs to be explored.  

Talk to your father again because no 17 year old should be sitting in front of the mirror for 2 hours and then become overwhelmed to the point of tears and silent screams.  You have not said what your father does to treat his OCD if anything but he must understand that you cannot "turn off" OCD.  Perhaps he has a mild case and so he is kind of poo pooing your problems but the reality is they are real and you need help.  

Let us know how you are doing and I hope to hear that you have a psychology appointment soon.  Take care.  

[kcwolf]

ocd can be hereditary and with my experience it sounds like its a possibility you should go to a mental health pro and get diagnosed ocd can be really tough it takes alot of time out of your life when you could be doing fun  things and your dad needs to know that it doesnt get better on its own you need professional help your young and ocd is a very stressful illness please get help so you can have a normal 17 yr old life let me know what happens

[123tushar07]

i am not a psychiatrist, so i cant officially diagnose u , but as i can see ur trying to make things perfect, but ur doing it on ur own will, not due to any obsessive thoughts like if u didnt do it perfectly something bad will happen, so ur tying to do things perfectly but there are no obsessive thoughts present.

hence to me it looks like that u dont have ocd, u have obsessive compulsive personality disorder(ocpd). this disease looks like ocd but it is not ocd, although it could be possible that since ur dad has ocd, u also have some anxiety problem but ur main problem is ocpd which is a personality disorder, please seek help from a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

u will get better,believe in ur self