I think I have OCD

I was told this better belongs in OCD forum, so I am posting it here.

I think I have an anxiety disorder
by empowered2dream

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empowered2dream
Female, 37 years
Member since Jun 2009
Mood: empowered2dream had a bad day of low glucose levels
Journal Entry:   "Everyone with diabetes and hypoglycemia h..." [Read]

, Jun 24, 2009 11:12PM
I have always been extremely clean. I used to be worse then I am now. I cleaned and polished everything even the kitchen counter and after cleaning if anyone even propped their feet on the foot rest I got upset. After my divorce my apartment was clean and I like everything in it's place.

Now I am married with step kids and I have had to compramise a little, but crumbs on the counter or dirt drives me nuts. I gave them their own room to mess up that I only monitor once a week. BUT it bothers me and here is what bothers me

I see germs every where. I hate toys out after they walk away from them. They think I should let them clean it all up at the end of the day and I tell them no, you are done with it, put it away. I hate cups left on the table we have a spot for everything, even the day's cups. Crums drive me nuts. I clean up as I cook so it's all done.

Things left undone drive me nuts and I have to fight myself to do my day's work and then leave the rest for tomorrow.

My mind is constantly spinning, so I like to take care of stuff immediately not later.

It makes me irritable. Did I mention I clean and disinfect things every day?

My landlord had the place cleaned before i moved in, but I re-cleaned the whole house myself.

On a busy week when I can't get everything done I feel so far behind even if it's just a little behind and it makes me upset and I feel like I haven't achieved anything.

I literally start to shake if things are dirty or there is too much to do

Like tonight: We usually wait before bed to set up the coffee maker and make his lunch, but we did it earlier and it was something that greatly relieved my stress and gave me peace otherwise I would have been consumed by the added task in my mind til it was done.

I have to have things clean and organized and also I like to live as clutter and item free as possible.

I think I have some sort of disorder, because this runs and sometimes ruins my life.

My husband's ex was a filthy pack rat person beyond compare, as I cleaned up her filth (We're talking food and trash on the floor and smelly clothes in the closet) I literally saw the house they had lived in together as entirely filthy even after I cleaned it up. The first thing I do when the boys come home from her house is make them shower.

Cleanliness is good, but when it consumes you it is hard. It's not just the cleaning either.. I check locks over and over I have constant worries and more.

I have been to a therapist for anxiety and all he did was prescribe me anti-depressants and anxiety pills and sent me home til a month later. I am told he is a quack and I should get another doctor.

Thanks,
Crissy