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Life ruined
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Life ruined

For the past 2 months my life has been a constant nightmare. Ever since I had a trigger that caused me to think I was a lesbian everything changed. I hate these unwanted thoughts that make me naseous, I hate thinking I'll never marry a man, I'm just so tired. I kept getting thoughts of ending my life because of this. I can't even look at a female without checking if I'm aroused. This obession was replaced by the thought of being a transexual for a week, then went away. Is this OCD?
19 Comments Post a Comment
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1699033_tn?1405352675
I know we have had conversations before but I can't remember the details.  So what have you tried to help yourself get over these thoughts?  Therapy?  medication?  
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Avatar_f_tn
I have taken prozac for the past 3 weeks, my first therapy session is on thursday, but I get anxiety attacks every now and then that lead me into depression. sometimes, i go for runs if I get bad thoughts to clear my mind, or I read a book, which distracts me from the thoughts for the time being. but sometimes when i wake up, the thoughts feel very real and i dont want to get out of bed.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Ah....well first let me tell you that the medication does take a good 4 to 6 weeks before you really see the full benefits of it so you have just a little bit longer to go and hopefully you will then get some relief.  Therapy is going to be great for you so just hang in there.  You are doing all the right things.  You are using distraction when you need to which is great.  I know what you mean about waking up and not wanting to get out of bed.  I used to think "My God, I'm going to have to do controlled breathing for the rest of my life" but that wasn't the case.  You will get to the point where these thoughts are nothing but a bad memory I promise you.  When people sit back and do nothing, that is when things get bad.  Trust me, you are doing all the right things and I'm confident that you will feel better soon so tell yourself that when you wake up each day.  "I WILL GET BETTER!"  
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Avatar_f_tn
I really hope so.  I start to doubt if it was ocd and i had latent homosexuality, but I realized that this isn't something I want in life. Everything feels to real, but Ocd probably makes you think you're something you're not. Hopefully therapy works. I recently purchased the book called ''Ocd your guide to breaking free" by bruce hyman and cherry pedrick but everytime I read it my thoughts tell me "you don't have ocd, why are you reading this?", and I give up reading.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Well, you just gave into the OCD by giving up reading the book so that was a mistake.  Pick up the book and start over again and ignore your irrational thoughts....that is the whole point right in buying the book in the first place?  If you don't try, how are you going to get better?
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Avatar_f_tn
I think my obessions about this are worse than other people with hocd, making me think its not hocd at all. it gets to the point when i try to imagine myself with the opposite sex, my mind says oh you belong with the same sex.  the thoughts are unwanted, but they always bother me and I'm sick of them. i want to cry, im afraid to be with the opposite sex because i may leave them, so i avoid that. its horrible, my other forms of ocd werent as bad i dont understand. ill try reading again, this time trying to fully understand it.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
All irrational thoughts are bad.  Some we are able to get closure on easier than others.  This just happens to be one that you are struggling to get closure on.  Definitely give the book another try.  If being with another girl is not something you can see yourself doing, then you cannot, absolutely cannot be gay.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Also, I realized that before this, I have never had any thoughts of the same sex, Im sure this means that these thoughts could be irrational. I will give the book another try, and I'm hopeful I can overcome this and live my life.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
They ARE irrational.  Analyzing them repeatedly just keeps you in the OCD loop.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Im seeing my therapist tomorrow, and I hope all goes well. People that got over this are so lucky to be ocd-free. I wish I was, and can be like other people without worries.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
It takes work but you can get there. How was your appointment?
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Avatar_f_tn
she told me we would be doing cbt, and i told her about my thoughts and everything. she told my even though I wasnt diagnosed by a psychiatrist, she said my symptoms were ocd like.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Great news.  CBT is an invaluable tool in my book.  
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Avatar_f_tn
she also recommended I bring in my ocd workbook and she would help me read through it.  this seems tough to get over but hopefully I can overcome it. im afraid cbt would expose me to liking the thoughts!
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Good idea about the book.  No...CBT is not going to make you like the thoughts.  What it will do over time is make you realize that these thoughts are fictions and not facts.  After a while you will wonder why you spent so much time thinking about them.  
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Avatar_f_tn
hopefully it wont. my mind also tells me you're never going to get a boyfriend, marry a man and have children, and my life will be wasted with a woman. these thoughts scare me, and i feel like i should give up on this, theres no point and ill just still end up with women :(.
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1699033_tn?1405352675
You keep saying the same thing over and over.  Give it some time with the doc and I think you will feel better.  
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Avatar_f_tn
sorry about that, i just keep getting the disturbing thoughts. Im reading the book some more and my anxiety is lessening
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1699033_tn?1405352675
Glad to hear it!  
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