I can defintely relate and know how you feel. This just recently hit me after a blood epxosure. I went and got tested at 12 weeks and then of course, I think for some reason the nurse wanted to infect me as I pissed her off. My couselor told me that I am making these things up and it is irational to think this way but always replay the thoughts in my head. It is tough to get over but meds an couseling may be of some help. It has been five weeks since I was tested and still scared but things have gotten a little better.
Lately I've been getting anxious just touching things because they might have blood on them...What kind of counseling are you doing? My doctor suggests cognitive exposure therapy
Yes i can relate! I got obsessed, took a home test.. then thought that 'somehow' the fingerprick needle in the test could have infected me. So instead of feeling reassured i got more worried. So i took a doctor test 11 weeks after that.. which was still negative. But I'm now going for another as I feel like I don't trust that either! I know I'm being irrational too but I can't help it. OCD is really hard.
One thing that has helped me however is taking an anti-depressant prescribed by my doctor called citalopram. This kind of obsessive worry is depression and the best way to treat it is to have a more positive, more rational outlook on life. I feel much more relaxed that I did before!! Also, I recommend doing other things to take your mind off the worry such as hobbies, meeting up with friends and exercising regularly to stay fit and sleep well. Avoid caffeine and junk food- unhealthiness makes you feel worse about things. Avois alcohol to reduce stress and it creates more depression which only exaggerates the anxiety.
And yes cognitive behaviour therapy is a very good idea too- if you can- take a course. theres also an australian website called MoodGym for cognitive behaviour skills so u could check that out.
Most of all- DON'T WORRY- hiv is not an easy illness to catch. You won't get anything by touching things as the skin is the best barrier to all infection. Focus on positive things. Be healthy. Don't think the worst. Tell yourself that you are being silly and when the thoughts come... just go and talk to someone, make a drink, take your mind off it. Don't sit and google illnesses!