Hello everyone, first I'd like to say I'm not American so therefor there might possibly be some spelling/grammar mistakes.
I was diagnosed with OCD already at the age of 12. Had several themes (fear of hurting, doubting my sexuality, doubting my feelings for my husband, doubting my perceptions etc.
Recently I experienced depersonalisation, doubting what's real and not. Of course I ended up reading about solopsism , the philosophy that the only thing that can be proved is your own thoughts. This made me question everything in my environment.
For instance, my kids, family, friends, and the environment itself. What if I'm the only one. I know that the possibility is little but still questioning the possibility.
I don't know what to do. Its a terrifying feeling making me feel sick and depressed. I can't stop thinking about it. I even thought that killing myself would prove if this philosophical idea is real or not. Then I panicked because I'm not suicidal at all. Then I had this terrifying idea that everything is like the Matrix. That people are not real and what if I'd hurt someone, would that prove this solopsism idea or not. Then I was afraid I would end up like a serial killer, believing everything to be like a compute game. Guess we all read some articles about this...
Im on medication for depression, Sertralin to stabilise my depression and oxascand for anxiety. I'm scared to death. Afraid of the possibility that everything is an illusion, afraid I'm hurt someone just to prove this idea wrong, afraid of getting mad etc.
Is this typical OCD? I don't understand where this came from. I have had a very stressful time this year. Having my son diagnosed with autism, waking me up every third hour through night. Also having a new baby. And I broke up with my dad due to his drug addictive. Also had a very traumatic childhood. I'm I going nuts????