Please someone help me!!

[lonelyheart36]

I need someones help, i dont know where to turn and i feel so utterly helpless.  I am in such a deep rut in my life i just dont know how to get myself out of it.  I suffer severe anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, severe social phobia, basically im scared to death of everything.  I cant go out anywhere right now because i feel so utterly depressed and feel physcially ill all the time, so i have no energy, confidence or support to even try to go out and if i do try i can only manage getting 20ft from my home without feeling like i want to cry from fear and weakness.  All the people in my life i have pushed away to the extent that i have cut all ties with, partly cause they have caused me pain over the years, but also cause i just cant take them seing me in such an awlful state, besides as soon as someone comes to see me i start to panic and get myself in such a state i either have to take alot of med's to calm me down (but then i cant function) or i phone them an cancel the visit.

I am so utterly miserable and lonely, i want to be normal, i want my life back.  I have had CBT but this has nothing for my anxiety, in fact over the last 2 months i have become far far worse to the point i barely leave my bedroom.  Im unable to even let my therapist into my home to have the session, for the last 4 weeks i keep phoning her to say im feeling unwell and the last visit 2 weeks ago she turned up unexpected and i sat in the kitchen with her shaking like a leaf, feeling so out of control and vunerable, i had to ask her to leave after 20 mins, i just couldnt handle it at all.  

Im starting to feel so miserable that ive been thinking about ending it all.  Even though i know im too much of a coward to do anything to myself, the mear thought scares the life out of me as i dont want to die, i just want my life back, but i cant see a way or any light, all i see is darkness, suffering, torment and torture.  

I dont have a partner/boyfriend cause im so unable to trust anyone, my last boyfriend totally f***** me up, it turned out he was a married man and he was just using me for sex, which totally tore my already battered heart to pieces as i fell so deeply in love with him and set me once again on this road of self distruction.  I have been beatern black and blue by men, both mentally and physcially and my childhood was filled with both mental and physcial abuse that nearly cost me my life and have in care.  All i have learnt in this life is that the people who get close to you end up tearing you to pieces and treat you worse than an animal.  I now have a passive-aggressive personailty, and find it so hard to stand up to people who i feel respect for but i have been known to be volient to people who i dont.

I have just so much anger, hatred, bitterness, lonliness, sadness adn emptiness inside me, i just dont know how to cope anymore.  I have turned to God but i hear nothing, i turned to the therapists but i learn nothing, i am intoleranat of anti-depressants as they cause just severe side effects which i can not suffer, so im stuck in this black hole of doom and destruction and i dont know how to get out.

I need friends and people to talk to and advice on how to turn my life around.  I feel like im fading fast and there is no future apart from this one.  Please someone help me! Share this:Facebook
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[lonelyheart36]

Thank-you so much for the infomation on Inositol, i immediately googled it and read up and it sounds very worth while trying it.  Im in the middle of sending out my kid to go buy some right now.

Tell me though what dosage do you take that you have found helps?  The ones i can see from my local helath store is Choline an Inositol 500mg (250mg of each) in a caplet or just Inositol 650mg caplet.  I think id feel better taking the lower dose at first as it did say somehting about higher doses may cause toxicity, although on lower doses no know side effects have been reported.  

I have to say im excited about what i have read and i just hope and pray to God that this helps calm my nervous system down.  So i thank-you form the bottom of my heart.  I have tried 5-HTP which i didnt like and vitamin B-complex at the dose i bought which was high stimulated it even more, so i do need to go slow and low.

So please let me know how much you take and also how long did it take to start to feel a difference.  

[soapman]

Hey.  That's pretty crappy all the way around.   I will tell you one thing.  Life.  You gotta want it.  You gotta grow that want to be bigger than all that fear.  

Right now, your brain's danger alarm is going off 24/7.  It's stuck on.  Don't listen to it.  I know it's super hard to do, at least at first.   Inositol helps a lot.  No fear spikes.  They've done studies on the stuff.  Look it up.  Read about it.  Order some.  I always recommend it because I have been taking it for 6 months and it has helped put me in the drivers seat with my OCD.  INOSITOL.  It is part of the B-vitamin family.  Tastes like sugar.  It first helped with my depression, then anxiety, and then OCD.

Happiness is on the other side of that wall of fear.  Climbing that wall *****, but when you get a taste of freedom your gonna want it more than what your living like now.