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Quick note on OCD morbid obsessions
Hello I don't know if you still need any help or support but il try anyway.
I have suffered with morbid obsession my whole life on a daily basis and as far as I know I always have. I had never heard of it until I was 19 so had to live and come to terms with with the fact that I was an evil person who could not control the thought which I mistook for desire and anxiety which I mistook for evil rage my whole child hood which caused me to try and take my life at 7.
I never confided or felt I could ever tell anyone as I would be taken away.
The years and years went past and I became more alienated and withdrawn from family and friends no one could tell how much mental pain and distress I was going through until I was empty the daily battle of thinking (at a very fast rate) and silently obsessing on why I was such a nice good person who had such a black soul I even remember thinking I was possessed (probably still do a little tbh) eventually at 19 enough was enough I had one unwanted distressing forced and persistent image too many and snapped and had a break down and ended up being asked to be voluntarily sectioned (it's not really voluntary if you refuse they section you anyway).Believe it or not I really wanted and needed the support just to be able to off load the years of torment on to someone that (a.) Would listen and (b.)Wasn't emotionally attached to me.
I was placed on respiradon (anti psychotics), anti depressants a anti anxiety tablets and visited a psychiatrist once a month for 5 years and I don't think they helped much but I do think they slowed everything down enough for me to help myself.
This is what I found. With the route of the problem being a chemical imbalance in the brain mainly serotonin I think the technique of facing your fears being a short term solution and potentially dangerous as I found once I'd obsessed over a thought or image to the point that it doesn't cause anxiety it had a toughening affect making you slightly the person you don't want to be and then once the theme doesn't have the desired affect no more you still have a chemical imbalance and the brain will find another image or thought to obsess and stress over which is a little bit worse than the previous. Over and over you get tougher and tougher until nothing disturbs you no more and you feel cold inside which thank God I'm a compassionate person so I still couldn't harm anyone.
To this day I still have the thoughts the battles I'm 34 now and have a great job and a loving family and kids (that also show signs of having the same traits) but one bit of advice that changed everything for me and il share it with you and I hope it helps you deal with your demons.
We all have a conscience and a sub conscience. You can hear your conscience (the little voice in your head) and the sub conscience can only communicate via images, feelings (the feeling in the pit of your stomach that's usually right). Well if you suffer from morbid obsession you have a nervous sub conscience for some reason it's alway on alert always ready and is basically like your nervous little brother who follows you around saying what if this happens, what do I do if this happens, becareful this might happen .... Ect but because the can't communicate these fear through words or sounds it does it through images and feelings and is very persistent and I've found if you tell yourself this and think about it you'll realise that you and your sub conscience are the least likely person to do any of these thing and that it's just a chemical imbalance which make the silent part of you nervous.
I hope this has helped at least one person as it's the first time I've ever wrote this sort of thing down and tbh has help me alittle as writing therapy and cognitive therapy can work wonders for helping to come to terms and deal with the fact that this is with you forever it will get easier but will never go away.
Take care.
If you ever need a chat about it you can message me anytime
I have suffered with morbid obsession my whole life on a daily basis and as far as I know I always have. I had never heard of it until I was 19 so had to live and come to terms with with the fact that I was an evil person who could not control the thought which I mistook for desire and anxiety which I mistook for evil rage my whole child hood which caused me to try and take my life at 7.
I never confided or felt I could ever tell anyone as I would be taken away.
The years and years went past and I became more alienated and withdrawn from family and friends no one could tell how much mental pain and distress I was going through until I was empty the daily battle of thinking (at a very fast rate) and silently obsessing on why I was such a nice good person who had such a black soul I even remember thinking I was possessed (probably still do a little tbh) eventually at 19 enough was enough I had one unwanted distressing forced and persistent image too many and snapped and had a break down and ended up being asked to be voluntarily sectioned (it's not really voluntary if you refuse they section you anyway).Believe it or not I really wanted and needed the support just to be able to off load the years of torment on to someone that (a.) Would listen and (b.)Wasn't emotionally attached to me.
I was placed on respiradon (anti psychotics), anti depressants a anti anxiety tablets and visited a psychiatrist once a month for 5 years and I don't think they helped much but I do think they slowed everything down enough for me to help myself.
This is what I found. With the route of the problem being a chemical imbalance in the brain mainly serotonin I think the technique of facing your fears being a short term solution and potentially dangerous as I found once I'd obsessed over a thought or image to the point that it doesn't cause anxiety it had a toughening affect making you slightly the person you don't want to be and then once the theme doesn't have the desired affect no more you still have a chemical imbalance and the brain will find another image or thought to obsess and stress over which is a little bit worse than the previous. Over and over you get tougher and tougher until nothing disturbs you no more and you feel cold inside which thank God I'm a compassionate person so I still couldn't harm anyone.
To this day I still have the thoughts the battles I'm 34 now and have a great job and a loving family and kids (that also show signs of having the same traits) but one bit of advice that changed everything for me and il share it with you and I hope it helps you deal with your demons.
We all have a conscience and a sub conscience. You can hear your conscience (the little voice in your head) and the sub conscience can only communicate via images, feelings (the feeling in the pit of your stomach that's usually right). Well if you suffer from morbid obsession you have a nervous sub conscience for some reason it's alway on alert always ready and is basically like your nervous little brother who follows you around saying what if this happens, what do I do if this happens, becareful this might happen .... Ect but because the can't communicate these fear through words or sounds it does it through images and feelings and is very persistent and I've found if you tell yourself this and think about it you'll realise that you and your sub conscience are the least likely person to do any of these thing and that it's just a chemical imbalance which make the silent part of you nervous.
I hope this has helped at least one person as it's the first time I've ever wrote this sort of thing down and tbh has help me alittle as writing therapy and cognitive therapy can work wonders for helping to come to terms and deal with the fact that this is with you forever it will get easier but will never go away.
Take care.
If you ever need a chat about it you can message me anytime
That's OK I'd written it out to help someone who had asked for help but I think the thread was very old so seeing as I'd spent so long writing it out I thought it would be ashame to not to share and hopefully help someone who may be going through a similar thing.
That's OK I'd written it out to help someone who had asked for help but I think the thread was very old so seeing as I'd spent so long writing it out I thought it would be ashame to not to share and hopefully help someone who may be going through a similar thing.
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