Taking Antidepressants and seeking help?

[JasmineMinx]

My family abused me at a young age, I had no friends and was taking several antidepressants at a very young age. I was molested and believe I was raped. I have live with severe to mild OCD and Tourettes syndrome. I am not sure what happened, but my OCD has became increasingly worse over the past month. One week, I had intrusive thoughts and was frightened to death. I began bursting out in tears and immediately reached out for my Grandparent's support. I ended up hugging a cross and started asking myself, "What the hell is wrong with me?" I was disgusted, appalled at the fact I just saw an image. Since I have been home, I have been struggling to seek help. I made an appointment to see my MD and ask to see a Physiologist. I have been biting my tongue and letting the random thoughts pass, struggling to eat, get up out of bed, sleep, I really feel I have lost my emotions. I don't crave things anymore like I use to, I don't feel as much love or excitement, living, to be honest, I feel dead. I become depressed when I hear about death, stabbings, killings, inhuman things, sad things, anything! It could be animals who are abused. I am not sure if I fear death, (I feel horrible and remorse) but then I will see images that flash, I will have intrusive thoughts come up like, "What if I became that?" I then start to breath heavy and literally feel on the verge of freaking out. I end up crying my eyes out, rolling back and forth unsure of what to do, feeling helpless. I think, "Am I a monster?" My mother didn't want me, my dad didn't want me, I wish I was never born." I hate what I do, I hate my mother, why this, why that? Death this, death that." Then I will start to think normally for 10 minutes of peace unless I take something to calm my nerves. I literally can't sleep! I feel like I stay up every single night thinking, never resting, my brain just won't allow it! I am constantly having thoughts, poundering or in a Daydream state. I feel up in the clouds! Please tell me I am not crazy, someone please relate or help!!

[warriorromeo]

Hey there,

First of all i am really sorry for your past life.But you are not living in your past.Past is Past and present is present.Try to live in your present.

Secondly,The things that you have mentioned are clearly higest level of OCD,Anxiety and some crazy wild imaginations.It will be very diffcult for me to guide your each and every thought through internet.It is actually impossible.But remember you are not alone.I have been suffering from these thoughts for the past 7 yrs and its very horrible.l have lost so many good things in life because of this OCD and still losing things at present also.Thats the way it goes.But be confident.Things will change at some point of time.When ever these thoughts come across your mind do not give importance to it.Just leave it alone.if your going to get emotional for these thoughts then the thought is going to get even bigger.Thats how these things works.

DO NOT GIVE IMPORTANCE TO THESE THOUGHTS!!!JUS LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!IT WILL VANISH AFTER SOME TIME!!!!!DONT GET OBESSSED ABOUT ANY THING IN LIFE AS WHEN YOUR OBESSES ABOUT ANY THING IN LIFE THESE THOUGHT COME BACK AGAIN IN ANOTHER FORM AND ONCE AGAIN MAKE YOU MAD!!!!

JUST IGNORE THESE THOUGHTS AND CARRY ON WITH YOUR LIFE...DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!!!!!

I HOPE THIS HELPS  :)

[JasmineMinx]

Excessively talking, obsessing about one particular thing.
Random outbursts of depression, sadness, slight frustration
Vomiting/dry heave during and after intense Anxiety attacks
Slow breathing
Memory loss
Constant Daydreaming/out of body feeling
0 sleep, if I do sleep I have either blacked out or crashed from exhaustion.

[JasmineMinx]

Also, the symptoms I have are..

Restlessness
Anxiety
Repetitively washing hands
Repeating things I have said
Slur while talking
Slow response
Weakness
Fatigue
Long showers of repetitively washing
Rubbing, pressing on a certain part of body (foot, toe)