Taken from the OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of OCD that I always recommend but nobody seems to ever buy.
Intrusive thought --> Catastrophic appraisal of the thought --> Increased anxiety and worry --> Overcontrol strategies which include Vigilence (Could I really do it? and Covert rituals (testing) --> temporary anxiety reduction --> The cycle starts over again.
"Primarily obsessional OCD begins with an intrusive, distressing thought that the person appraises in a particularly negative way. In the person's mind, the thought is experienced as having the same reality or importance as an action. As a result, the person attempts to avoid or suppress the thought. This leads to various overcontrol strategies to reduce anxiety, including mental rituals. While these strategies may reduce discomfort, the effect is only temporary, and then the cycle begins again."
The book I suggest is by Bruce Hyman. If you can't get to a therapist then self-help is what you have to do if you want to get better. It's like pulling teeth...nobody wants to do it but it is better than walking around in pain.
I accidentally watched lesbian porn. I remember question whether it was M/F or F/F. I saw that it was F/F and turned it off. Afterwards my brain said "what if it felt right and you weren't thinking of HOCD". It feels like my brain says this quite often, and as soon as my brain says this, I immediately forget whether or not I was. It's like my brain creates a gap in my memory, causing endless anxiety so that I spend ages looking back over it and trying to figure it out. Does this happen to anyone else?
I think i understand but ya know ocd, if its not 100% its wrong .
??What do you mean by this? For one, you would need to be diagnosed as having OCD by a professional. I would be surprised if you didn't have it, from what you've said.
Catastrophic appraisal means thinking the very worst possible case scenario. Taking a thought or idea to an extreme. This is an EXCELLENT thread, anon, this explains perfectly what you've been going through. You'd be wise to heed JG's advice that she gave you. YOU have to take the control back by not continuing to feed the intrusive thoughts by giving them too much importance, and by "testing" yourself.
I sure hope you ask your parents to make you an appt with a mental health professional. Your anxiety levels are very very high, and you're spiralling out of control with these thoughts.
is it? i explained to the best of my ability what i felt so is that what it is? Im still not sure, and for therapy they said i wasnt severe enough, and i meant by the 100% comment was that like if i dont have a 100% chance success rate i probably wont do it. For example if i wanted to sneak out, and there was a high percent i wouldnt get caught but there still was a little percent that said i could, i would not go because its not 100%
You don't say who "they" are. And, as for the success rate, that depends on YOU my dear, and your level of willingness to try to help yourself. Sadly, if you don't take this seriously and seek some help, it may get worse.
Your posts scream of OCD. Find someone else to assess you...a psychiatrist would be your best bet.
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