cod & home work

My child has no less then 3 hours of homework every night. I can not keep up as a parent with 2 other children nor do I even understand most of the work. I feel its over the top  and I know its not working. Not to say stop the homework but lighting the load. I am having great resistance from teachers about this. My child is in 6th grade and Im doing the homework. How can I be helped?

[susieq87]

Is this about you or the children's homework.

[tightshoes]

Its about both of us. My son is not focused or eveen paying attention during homework. Im trying my best just to get him to focus a bit just so he can at least review. But Im shot too my spouse works 10 to 12 hrs a day I work all day come cook and home work with 2 boys its hard Im shot. I went to the teachers an asked if they can ease up. They said no its working. I disagree he's work is done in school. He is more focused during the day then at night. So yes its frustrating for me and my child.

[susieq87]

It is a problem, now you need to move to the solution.  The teachers won't change so it is up to you, your husband or son to do some changing.  Do you think your son has a attention deficit problem?  What can you do to get him to focus?  How old is your son?  Your husband, may have to change his prioities as he is part of this family also...  I see you have enough to deal with.  If your son flunks, it is not your fault.  You and your husband both are responsible, talk to him about it.  

[jdtm]

Teachers rarely give three hours of homework.  If a child has this much homework, it usually is because the child is not completing (or maybe not even beginning) the assigned work at school.  Your quest should be why? - does he have a learning disability, does he have a physical disability (sight or hearing), does he have an invisible disability as an anxiety disorde  (OCD is an example); is he being bullied and unable to concentrate, does he have ADD/ADHD, etc.  You really need to have a conversation with the teacher about "why" your son is unable to complete his assignments at school - perhaps cognitive and psychological testing should be administered.  I think there is more to this story than what you know.  Just my two cents ...

[cindysin]

Your poor son, First off make sure he doesnt need glasses, or hearing issues. This was happening to my son and he needed glasses. Also he is already behind and is stuck so hes not doing the work at school, ask about title 1 classes, its more help for him. Exspect more from the school, set up a meeting with the school...dont let this slip anymore, its too much stress for ur poor child

godbless

[tightshoes]

My son has OCD his eyes and ears are ok. He functions well in school and completes his work he has extra help there. He made the Honor Roll last semester. I have had meetings with the Teachers and I explained that the homework was over the top. They believe its working. I told them my son is in a differnt world when he comes home I dont know why its the envoriment I dont know. But Im the one basicilly doing the homework with my son watching me. Hes been on differnt meds none that helped.

[tightshoes]

My husband helps alot but hes not as good with the math then I am but he pitches in. My son doesnt have ADD/ADHD wich I thought he did he just has OCD. Hes in special ed title 1 and he gets the help in school. Its just the homework. Im for homeworkI m not against it but its just to much.The school believes its helping I know its not.

[susieq87]

The problem must be with the teacher, can you go over her head to the principal?  Is he on medication, perhaps too much?  Also, talk to the doctor, perhaps he can send a note to the teacher...

[jdtm]

You said that your son has OCD.  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder.  Children who suffer from anxiety often have difficulty with their school work - (you did say he is getting help during school time and he is taking a less rigorous curriculum in a special education class).  Our children often become frustrated with school work at home.  I know this as we have a child who suffers from anxiety.  After putting in so much effort at school, many children who suffer from anxiety have no more energy left for "school" when they return home.  They need time to regroup and recharge.  Often their frustration and exhaustion from school will "spill over" in the display of tantrums and negative behaviour upon returning home.  Many of our children also have eating and sleep issues.  This anxiety will also  hinder the learning ability and ease of functioning in the classroom - that is what I meant when I said anxiety is an invisible learning disability as others do not "see the problem".  By the way, many children who suffer from anxiety are often misdiagnosed with ADD/ADHD as anxiety often mimics the same behaviours.

I belong to a support group for parents and teachers of children suffering from anxiety.  I have heard your situation many, many times.  I also know what happens when the parents complete the child's school work - when they enter high school, they have not learned the basics and fail most of their courses.  First, what medication is your son taking as some meds work better than others and he is in any therapy for his anxiety?  Anxiety cannot be treated solely by using medication - other methods are needed as  therapy or intervention so the child can learn how to "manage his fears".  Secondly, can your family doctor or psychologist speak to your son's teacher and principal (even if by letter or e-mail) and explain that at this point in time your son is not able to complete large amounts of work.  Realistically, your son will not be able to complete his work at school with more ease or do homework without assistance until his anxiety level has been lessened (and that is where your focus should be).  Lessening a child's anxiety to a manageable level can take months or even years.  Personally, I don't think he should be doing hardly any homework until his anxiety is more under control.  Of course, this might mean that he will need more years to complete his school education than one would expect.

I wish I could be more helpful but we struggle and struggle with the learning issue of our anxious children and research is just beginning to support our efforts in this area.   Please write back if you think I can be of more help ...