Dear,you are right.
.I delayed having chidren,delayed my career in health care and many other things in life because I feel "unclean " myself.
I started this obsession 10 years ago and evolved since then
All these years I looked back, underlining this fear of hiv,is guilt and shame.
My OCD started 14 years ago after I became intimate with someone as old as my father then we broke apart. Ever since then, I couldn't shake off the guilty feeling.
My then boyfriend now husband was the one who need to endure all these OCD.I felt guilty that I caused this turmoil for my family. I am afraid to lose my family because of my carelessness.
The fear is merely the surface.The underlining is that I let everyone down.
I always thought if it weren't for that stupid relationship. I wouldn't need to go through all theses.
Yes, I have those kinds of fears daily. Like this morning when I did laundry in our apartment laundry room, I was terrified that HIV was in the washer I used and then on my hands after getting my clothes out. I then washed my hands, but then I washed my face. I have acne, so I was afraid that somehow my open wounds were infected. That is just today of course, it's always a new thing everyday. I'm sorry you're afraid of things like this too.
Do you ever wonder what your life would be like with the disease? Are you afraid of losing someone you love? Once you figure out the real reason behind your anxiety, you can start treating it. I've never been to a psychiatrist mostly because they are so expensive. But it is certainly good to talk to someone who understands your anxiety.
I'm sure that dental care is not the only thing you delay or avoid because of HIV anxiety. What other scenarios pop up that cause you grief? Have you seen a psychologist for this fear? Have you educated yourself on the transmission routes of HIV?