huge newly developed fear, HIV...

[teenturtle]

Hello, hope I'm in the right place. I've been having some issues with hiv, i see I'm not the only one. It all started when i was in class and we were discussing hiv and sexually transmitted disease, etc. I didn't pay much attention because i felt it didn't occur to me because I'm not having sex. Then i heard hiv, blood, needles, and i was " so i can get that besides sex " ... And after that i haven't been the same. I can't go to the bathroom without thinking what if i catch it ( i recently had a bad bathroom experience, blood was on the bottom of toilet seat i was on my period and i wear pads, i didn't notice it until after and i was like  " what if blood got on my pad and i didn't notice it, what if i catch hiv, because blood to blood contact " so many what ifs ! And its been a month and i still think about it, another  incident on Christmas eve, i had to work, and when i lend a customer my pen, he gave it back and i felt something wet, it was blood, he apologized and said he didn't have nothing like that, but i was still grossed out and thought hiv, i also had chapped hands and two small paper cuts, and it just had to be the hand that touched it, its been days and i still think about it. Today i was carrying a ketchup bottle, i went to use the bathroom, when i was gonna wipe i noticed a red spot on my hands, it was dried, i smelt it, it smelled like vinegar, but i keep think what of it was blood because before i was shopping so i keep thinking what if i touched blood and i didn't notice, and when i wiped blood got on my vagina. So I'm writing this post because now i just feel like I'm going crazy ... I hate my class for this.  I feel like HIV is out to get me. I've been reading shoot about it now, i think i just kinda scare myself. Can someone educate me, help me with advice. Thanks for your time, i appreciate it all .

[raven381]

hi there,

let me tell you that i have OCD since i was 18 , now im 26

half of the time its about HV , and trust me i can feel you

what ifsssssssss never end

even if i use condom , even if i flirt only, even if i see a new needle before making a blood test, all this are linked to what if ... what if the needle isnt new, what if the condom was not good, what if i got hiv from kissing...

my mind knows that these thoughts are wrong but OCD has the ability to keep the thoughts inside my head and bring the what if that will make anxiety high which causes many bad results

i understand what you are passing through, i dont have any advice for you , but what i have is that i support you by sharing with you my story also and be sure that you are not alone in this.

God Bless you

[JGF25]

Why don't you go to the local book store and look at the book The OCD Workbook:  YOur Guide to Breaking Free of OCD.  There is a section in there for people that don't have OCD to read to help them understand.  Then you can go through the workbook yourself as a self-help tool.  

[teenturtle]

Yeah ... I also fear using my own toilet seat with the thought of getting pregnant. I want to get help but i live in a small town, and we don't have psychologist, they are out of town, and my mom just thinks I'm silly, but she doesn't understand how really afraid i am.

[JGF25]

Then this thought is encompassing most of your day and so you need to take action and see a psychologist.  This is not something you have to live with.  There are strategies they can teach you on how to deal with these types of thoughts.  

[teenturtle]

Yeah, even though i read it, i still think what if. As a cashier i come in contact with blood on meat, i never used to think this thought, but now I'm like omg i touched the blood, what if it was thier blood, and they have hiv ! And once i sanitize my hands later I'll touch my eyes if they itch or something and i feel like my hands are still bloody and I'm going to get hiv from touching my eye, and because i get scared i can't remember if i cleaned them right ... I think every day im somehow gonna catch it.

[JGF25]

Hi there.  First let me tell you that the HIV virus dies when it hits air.  It can only survive inside its host.  So surfaces are not a transmission route for HIV.  When transmission occurs, it is because the virus was able to get deep into the tissues.  This is why sex is a method of transmission.  HIV anxiety and OCD are very closely related and all I can tell you is that if you spend most of your waking hours worried about this, then you should seek out professional help in the form of a psychologist.  I actually had an HIV phobia as well and part of my treatment plan was to sit in an AIDS clinic on my lunch hour for several weeks.  Once you learn the truth about HIV and how it is spread, you will see that you are not in any danger.  Take care and let me know how you are doing.  

[teenturtle]

Ugh, i try not to make errors, I'm on my phone and makes it hard, i didn't mean the word " shoot about it " .. I meant " stuff about it " ...