suffering from OCD thoughts

[obsessed000]

OK could Someone on please tell me if this is OCD thoughts or if it is real. I know you were not there but let me tell you what is going on in my head. I was at a birthday party at a rented place with my awesome boyfriend and some others we knew. Anyway I have no  idea why but I got drunk so fast and got a little tipsy with my drink. Anyway let me first say I would NEVER CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND EVER. I'm just not that kind of a person. I love him so much and I know I would never do it.
My issue is because I had a lot to drink the next day I had a hard time remembering little things like I can't remember the whole might fully. There are parts that I just do not remember like conversations with people or random other things but I do remember  stuff some stuff. Because I don't remember certain random things I'm thinking the following:
What could have happened that I don't remember? Could I have done something bad and just do not remember? Could someone have done something bad to me that I just do not remember? I have no idea how since I was with my boyfriend the entire night except for at the bathroom but what if I did something bad or had something bad happen to me?
I'm literally sick to my stomach over this. I have no one to talk to because I just do not want to. Is it possible to do something drunk that I absolutely would never I mean NEVER EVER do and not remember? I'm so depressed and sick about thinking about this I can't stop and I'm thinking that I could have done something terrible and I just forget. Deep down I know I'm obsessing and that this is my OCD but I need someone to tell me if I really did something awful would I really not remember. I'm only obsessing because I am having a hard time remembering certain stuff like eating and stuff. I can't remember doing that. Please help! Is this OCD trying to make me feel bad for doing something I know didn't do?? Or could it be real??

[nursegirl6572]

Did you read the link JGF posted for you?  If you did, you missed the point...here's a snippet from the (excellent) article:

"The guilt is another excruciating part of the disorder. It is rather easy to make people with OCD feel guilty about most anything, as many of them already have a surplus of it. The often feel responsible for things that no one would ever take upon themselves"

You REALLY need to read that article in its entirety, and bookmark it.  SO much great information.

[obsessed000]

I'm not guilty of any of my thoughts.

[JGF25]

Read this.  Guilt is a big part of OCD

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

[obsessed000]

Please someone help me!

[obsessed000]

Someone please reply!

[obsessed000]

Also I do agree he would have missed me if I disappeared but then I'm thinking what if it was a quick few minutes.  

[obsessed000]

Thank you so much for responding. I've tried so much stuff. I've seen several therapists done CBT 2x but that didn't work tried medication. Mostly I obsess about germs fear of hiv and have been known to obsess about ridiculous irrational stuff just in general other than germs but I get over it quickly.  This thought of possibly cheating or someone doing something to me to perhaps give me a disease is scaring me and making me sick feeling. The thing is I would never cheat on my boyfriend but the fact is I don't remember some stuff we did that night such as eating, when I was told we ate and I don't remember other little things like conversations with a couple of people so my mind is saying what if u did something and just don't remember.  Is that possible? Wouldn't I remember something like that? I'm feeling awful and guilty for something i know didn't happen unless you can really not remember something like that? Also I'm thinking what if it did happen and people saw and they just haven't told him yet. Then they will and everything going will be ruined and over and it makes me so sad to think of that. Please help me rationalize. Is this even possible my thoughts? Or would u consider them highly irrational?

[JGF25]

OCD is all about taking insane thoughts and making us think they are sane.  You were with your boyfriend.  Don't you think he would have missed you if you had disappeared?  Since you seem to have a history of OCD, you need to chalk this us to another trick your mind is playing on you.  

Reassurance seeking doesn't work so let me ask you what you have done to get help for your OCD?