Please help

[mishymoshymarcy]

Hello. Well this may be a small problem i am having, however i was just wondering if pefectionism could meaan i have OCD. I mean, I stuggle with everything because it has to be perfect. I have struggled with homework (I am only 13) and have been up to unbelievable times finishing what may seem like nothing. I get so frustrated when i know that the work i handed in isn't the standard i want it to be. I find it  hard to keep it together, when there are things around me which are not perfectly straight or in line. I am so conscious of the way I look, and everyone who is looking at me. I can't seem to keep my mind off these things. Like if i have something on my face, or if my hair is messy. I know this may be normal for some, but mine has lately become a little over the top. I have gotten advice from so many people telling me that nothing has to be perfect and that no one is perfect. And usually it works in the beginning, but when i am doing homework (for example), i can't seem to avoid it. I am scared to make mistakes and often miss many opportunities to do things. I see a counsellor and have developed anxiety.

[mishymoshymarcy]

Well i do try talking to my parents, well my mum to be exact ( I don't see my father), but I just can't handle her help. Her way of helping is a kind of yelling lecture which ends up with me almost exploding with anger. You see, my relationship with my family may seem normal to them, but inside i feel a completely different way. In a way i love them, but most times they just make these anxious feelings flow around in my stomache. And they are not any kind of terrible family, in fact they are loving and caring and work really hard. But i dont know what it is. But anyway, this is going to much into other problems. So what i am trying to say, is that i don't feel comfortable talking to my family, so i go to other instead. (e.g teachers and my counsellor at school). And yes it may be the fact that i may want control over somethings, and getting everything perfect is a way to make myself feel good. Also i will give that breathing technique a try next time i get homework. Since it is the holidays we have nothing, so it may be a time for me to relax, but there is part of me that wants to study because i feel like I may fail year 9. But then another part of me which can't be bothered. I just want to feel smart, and I haven't reached my standard of smart yet. I for some reason want to be in the advanced grades, but then again it may be too much pressure for me. I dont know....

[MandyShell]

Talk them about it and see what they say, it sounds like anxiety to me, and to help with that you are trying to control things to lessen the anxiety. You may have OCD or you may just be trying to control your setting to lessen the anxiety either way it is something worth looking into.

[JGF25]

Hi there....what type of councelor are you seeing?  What you are describing does sound like OCD but I'm not qualified to diagnose you on the forum.  Unchecked OCD can lead to anxiety and then depression.  I can tell you something to try but honestly there is no substitute for the help of a child psychologist in your case who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy.

For the homework which I assume you spend a lot of time redoing things and for the straightening, you have to limit yourself at first.  This is something that takes baby steps.  So I want you to try this...

When you have the urge to do something you know falls under the OCD spectrum that you talked about above, don't do it.  Say to yourself out loud of if you want or in your head, "NO, I AM NOT DOING THAT TODAY" and then walk away.  When you walk away go to a comfortable place and sit or lay down.  I know every nerve in your body is going to be screaming go back but what you are going to do is this breathing exercise.  Take a deep breath in through your nose and hold it for 5 seconds and count this out in your head and then let it all out through your mouth.  Continue to do this until you are calm.  Sometimes I put my hands on my stomach to feel it move up and down with each breath.  This breathing technique can also be done standing up and nobody will even know you are doing it.  I use it alot.  When I say baby steps, if you can do this even once today then that is great.  As the days go by you add another time and you will see that your world isn't going to shatter because you didn't line something up.  So definitely talk to your parents and ask them to make an appointment for you.  I spent my college life doing what you are doing.  I had to be ready for every possible scenario on tests to the point that I studied all the time and there was no way the teacher was ever going to be able to surprise me.  I should have gotten help then instead of waiting.  Take care and remember to talk to your parents.