I was referred to nursegirl about my very bad OCD anxiety with HIV

[BlissfulJoy]

Hello I'm looking for anyone who has experienced this but would be greatly appreciated if nursegirl could help me out.

Well my story goes I had a brief unprotected encounter with my ex in March. This situation resulted in no ejaculation. I went for testing at 3 weeks and then 5 weeks both tests were negative. I was told a 3 months is conclusive for this situation and my results are unlikely to change.

A month passed and me and him decided to go all the way. This time things was better bc he used a condom. I don't remember any slippage or nothing it was intact the whole time. All of a sudden 2 days later he told me he had a job transfer and had to move. I then became low and paranoid witg full of anxiety. I keep thinking he moved because he plotted to infect me with HIV. I will be getting tested for the encounter for the month of May on Monday. Each day that grows closer I get afraid. I had a dream that I was HIV positive and last night I had a dream I was HIV negative. I know a condom fully protect but I read where it will holes in it I'm not aware of and only can be seen if I filled the condom with water afterwards which I didn't do.

I'm not sure if this some sort of shock to losing my virginity to my no good ex. I once thought I was pregnant afterwards but I got my period. Now I'm scared I may be infected. I also remember two weeks after having sex all the way with a condom I caught a cold. It stayed for a week. The cold was mild and manageable. Also everything I do and see has stories about HIV. I need help and counseling. I'm so afraid I'm positive. Also my ex slept around with many women

[BlissfulJoy]

Thank you very much. It is so hard because I then begin to research possible ways to get him with a condom and my fear happens all over again. All this summer I have been an emotional rollercoaster because of it. I'm not sure what do. I'm beginning to have dreams about HIV and starting to see everything about the disease everywhere

[Mogley123]

I was looking at your posting history and it looks like you are now posting in the right forum. This it totally OCD. You have had so many people tell you over and over that you have no risk for HIV infection.
You have an appointment on Monday and it will be 3 months since your encounter where your ex wore a condom. You really have nothing to worry about. My advice to you is to try to relax, get your last test and be done with this. If you still aren't convinced after this you really need to get some help for your anxiety.
It wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about ocd and the potential for going on some medication.
I have been struggling with ocd for many years so I get what your going through. The reassurance seeking is a compulsion though. You feel better for a little while when someone tells you that you are fine or your tests come back negative but then the what ifs start again. Read some of the posts in this forum. HIV worries are very, very common with ocd.
When your test comes back negative for HIV which it will, stop testing. Testing can turn into a compulsion and since you've had 2 already for this incident which the doctors are telling you isn't a risk, it looks like it is a compulsion. It's like feeding a fire. The more reassurance you seek, the stronger the obsessions get. I remember in the past during one of my obsessions my husband telling me that I have nothing to worry about and right after I would say "ok...but can you tell me that again?"
So here it is again in summary...
You don't have HIV, you have OCD... After your test on Monday, stop testing and move on with you life...if you can't get over this get some help for OCD.

[JGF25]

Nursegirl is over on Anxiety and HIV Prevention.