If you were gay you wouldn't be questioning yourself about it and wondering if you might be gay, you'd know it! You'd feel sexually attracted to women and only women and you would have likely figured that out at a much younger age before marrying a man. This is all stemming from your OCD. It's a hellish disorder that causes intrusive, ridiculous thoughts! It's a chemical imbalance in your brain that's causing this and that's what the medication is for, to help balance the chemicals responsible for the OCD. That's why when you take yourself off of the meds you become worse. I would highly suggest going back on medication to get a handle on this. Also it sounds like perhaps your dosage was not enough of a help...you need to slowly increase to a dose that's right for you to help relieve your symptoms....under your doctor's care of course! I have OCD too and I know just how much of a nightmare it is. Don't worry about being gay! Just tell yourself it's the OCD messing with you. That's what it is! OCD sufferers will tell you how they too develop silly thoughts they can't control. It's one of the major symptoms of OCD.
Feel free to message me if I can be of any further help or support.
I am not sure what you are saying! My husband makes me happy.. but why am I having the thoughts?? My desire is to be with him and grow old and happy with our three boys.. i try the thoughts don't go away.. some days are worse then others and seems to get worse when I am off my meds.. why is that?? My husband knows all this... we will last cause i am open about my mind and I know i need to stay on my meds i am just trying to understand my thoughts and why this is happening? I just don't want to be gay... do you understand what I am trying to say?!?!?
thank s
Get over what ever your sexuality desires just live it and you will be happy. stop feeling guilty for the kind of life that makes you happy, that should be the least of your problems. Try to concentrate more on staying on track with the meds the doctor prescribe you! without the right meds you arent going to be able to have a normal relationship anyway!!!