Is this HOCD or am I really gay?

[HockeyKid21]

Hi, I'm an 18 year old male and I think I have been struggling with HOCD for a while now. I know that I have always been in love with women and I can remember having massive crushes on girls ever since I was in 1st grade. I have nothing wrong with people who are homosexual, in fact I have an uncle and sister who are both gay. My HOCD has alwasy kind of been in my head since I was probably 14, but it never really mustered up any strength til about a year ago. It was very hard for me to hear when people would tell me i looked my uncle or I did things my uncle did because i felt like because i looked like my uncle, that maybe i was gay. I've always been able to acknowledge men who are good looknig but i never had any sexual thoughts about them, in fact i was incredibly happy that I was straight. I've "hooked up" with many girls, and I've done many things with girls even as young as 6th grade i got oral sex from a girl and I enjoyed it. But over the past year I have started having these sexual thoughts that make no sense to me, I've never gotten erect from the sight of a man and I've done all the checking and looking at men or gay porn makes me less aroused. I've had a girlfriend for about 7 months and we've had sex on a regular basis for a while and I've never failed to get it up for her, but sometimes i fear that i will because I think that maybe I am gay. I talked to a therapist last week about my OCD in general but i couldn't get around to telling him that i've been having these thoughts becasue of fear that he may judge me or may tell me that i am gay. I'm pretty sure i'm in love with my girlfriend and i'm going off to college next year and she isn't and i'm very sad about that. I just want to live a normal life like i know i can, because i've done it in the past. I'm incredibly scared because i feel like once i go away i may forget about my girlfriend and give into these gross thoughts in my head. Please help me, these thoughts have been going on and on in my head for quite some time and it has really worn me down. is it HOCD?

[helpme123123]

hi, my names dominic age 17 and a few months back when i started my new job there were alot of gay people there and dont know how it started but i cant get it out of my head, i need help i feel always saying im gay when im not, but when i say that i feel like im in denial, iv been with my girlfriend for last 8 months or so.. and i love her to pieces, i have never had any thoughts about being gay, but when i went on these websites to see what was wrong with me and i got a relief when i seen the sympotms were the same as mine,  but then i looked at other ones and it said some symtoms of being gay and gave some examples and i had non of them and then it put them examples in my head so i make myself think about it, i have no problems with gay people at all, im not being affensive but when i think about a naked man touching or anything i heev, i dont mean any offence at all i just need help! iv allways liked girls and still do please help me! :(

[Anna561]

It sounds from the research I've done that you do have a type of OCD which is HOCD. My 17 year old son just started experiencing the same thing, is he gay. NO. Can it be helped. YES., and you can take control of your life again. Don't let the other posts scare you. You cannot do it alone though, you must seek therapy. Treatment called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, a particular form, ERP which is Exposure and Response Prevention is what will help you. This is your mind playing games with you trying to convince you of things in your life that are just not so. Help is not going to happne over night so you need to be patient and strong. A good site for help is ocdfoundation.org, they have a list of therapist in your location that can help along with reading material. Don't lose hope and find someone to talk to. It does not have to go on for years. I can't believe some of these posts where people have suffered for years, I can't imagine my son having to deal with this for that long before getting help. There are people, someone out there that cares about you, yourself, take care of that person. YOU.

[Princessdaniella]

It might help if You write these thoughts down and give them to Your Psychiatrist at the end of Your meeting that can sometimes be a lot easier than speaking about it.
You need it addressed it does seem like it is concerning You a lot and it does seem like HOCD.

[INeedACure555]

From 14 you say? i think i have HOCD, but yet again i think HOCD doesn't even exist. i feel as if i am gay. im not afraid people will make fun of me, i feel like its repulsive and just not me. Then i think i am in denial, which i probably am and it ***** i want it to go away but it doesn't i will live my whole life single if i am in denial because this is gross. so i dont know, after my principal told us 1 out of 10 people were gay, i gave up and i knew i was that one because MY WHOLE LIFE IS F*CKED UP NOW! sorry im on a rant here...