OCD or other?

[Jake142]

I'm going to list out every thing i can think of right now that drives me crazy. I have to sit down in a chair numerous times until its right. I have to sharpen a pencil until it feels like its done...until it feels complete. I get depressed and suicidal a few times a week but am completely happy at other times in the day. I have to have socks on at all times or else i cant sleep later that night. I pick my fingers..they bleed a lot and hurt sometimes but ive been doing it since i can remember and could never stop. I get frustrated if things are not in perfect places...for example, if im doing homework with headphones in, and the wire is touching my arm, i get mad and rip up my papers. I can never sleep at night. It takes me a minimum of 45 minutes to fall asleep every night, sometimes due to itchy feet/legs. The only way i can get rid of the itchiness is by taking a shower for at least 20 minutes. If i feel one little piece of a foreign object on my bed, i can not fall asleep for the rest of that night. I am often depressed. I yell at people and get hostile for no reason at all. I freak out at the slightest semi-permanent change around me. I am often locking myself in my room and not wanting to talk to anyone, but other times feel the need to be surrounded by friends. I have a constantly rock-bottom self esteem and am telling myself how I'm a burden to others and everyone would be so much happier without me. I do things for the sole purpose of praise from others, not for my own enjoyment. My head is constantly 20 thoughts all going at the same time and i overthink every single thing that happens around me. A bit like Holden in "The Catcher in the Rye". I am the most un-organized person i have ever met and no matter what i do i can not deter the constant clutter around me. I think thats all for now...any answers would be much appreciated.

[everythingatonce]

Hey! I am 22 years old and have sufered from OCD ever since I can remember. Anxiety came about 5 years ago, I would say 6 years ago but 1 of my OCD's is against the number 6-I count everything to make sure it isn't 6, I will not buy anything '6 pack', I will not go on gas pump 6...And then depression came on about 3 years ago. I do a lot of similar things as you, such as lock myself in the room, feel as if I am a burden to everyone, I can't do anything right, and so on! When I finally talked with a doctor about my depression and anxiety they asked if I had any other 'mind forced thoughts' which doc described as anything that deals with your mind such as OCD, depression, anxiety, ect.-things and thoughts that are uncontrolled by YOU and are forced by your mind-you have no control of what you think, and when you think it! Therefore, OCD is in the same cattagory as depression and anxiety which means they can all be treated with therapy or medications. I recently took myself off of Paxil because I felt I was at the end of my rope-I have 3 young children-I can't be at the end of my rope-I NEED to stay around-so if you ever 'have the chance-you need to seriously talk with your parents' get put on medication, PLEASE have everyone watch and work with you, if you feel the meds are making everything worst-call the doctor, tell your parents, something, because I have experienced myself so I know this can happen! I used to think I was just really wierd and crazy and never really talked about it with anyone, but now that I know it is a real disorder I feel more confortable discussing it. Talk, seriously, with your parents about what you are going through. Tell them you looked it up on the computer, show them all of this if need be, call a doctor yourself and see if they will speak to your parents, something because this is serious! What I hear constantly from my husband and my family is "calm down!!!" or "think about something else!" They do NOT understand that anything such as OCD, depression, anxiety and other 'disorders'-even phobias-are NOT helped! There is NOTHING you can do about this! You can't think of anything else, you can't calm yourself down! And that is the problem and it IS a REAL problem! That is the entire point of these types of issues-which are MEDICAL issues being "Mind Forced Thoughts" as doc says! Good luck, hang in there, and do what it takes to get the treatment that works for YOU-it may take time, but you can get help!!! Best wishes! Let us know how everything goes!!!

[Jake142]

Thank you so much it really helps to know im not just alone here. I am always under tons of stress do that adds to my problems. I have talked to my closest friend about my problems and they agree that i need medication. The only problem is that im 15 and my dad doesnt really "believe" in ocd. So i dont want to tell him because i know that hel say im making too big a deal of it and ignore it. And my mom will blindly follow. They wont even take me to talk to someone about my depression. This is my dilema.

[susangail62]

I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make things better for you. I am 46 years old and I have lived with OCD since I was 12. At that time nobody had put a label on it. I just thought I was crazy. It would come and go at different times in my life. In college, I didn't suffer much...I don't know why. In 1998 I started having panic attacks too. I was in a stressful sales job. I saw a Dr. who prescribed paxil. Since then I have been on many different meds trying to fine the perfect balance without too many side effects. I am currently taking Pristiq,Lamictal and as of today Anafranil(an old drug used for OCD). I don't think there is any drug out there that takes the feelings away, the drugs just make it easier to cope. Over the years I have had problems with horrible thoughts,checking,panic,constant worrying about things,symmetry,rituals etc. I guess my main thing used to be checking. I am a first grade teacher and this year my class is very difficult. My stress level is high and so my OCD is running rampant. I feel very unorganized at work. I misplace things and am easily frustrated. I am usually very organized or at least somewhat. I even have fears of sleepwalking and taking whole bottles of medications lately. I also worry when I send a birthday card or letter to someone that I am going to write something inappropriate in it even though I know I won't. Remember I am on medication and still have these thoughts! I wish that there was a medication that would take all of the symptoms away. I would love to feel normal. I think it helps to know that others have this too. I just happened to come onto the site tonight for the first time. I think it will be a great outlet for us to help each other and at least feel like we can to talk to someone that knows how we feel. I think you should try to get on a medication and get some relief. If you are under alot of stress I know that OCD is worse. There are many medicines out there. It is just trial & error to find the right one. It take about 6 weeks to see any results. It will help alot or it may just take to edge off. Do you have a best friend that you can talk to about this? Take Care

[chelle_1]

  Jake, hi cbt is cognitive behavioral therapy, it goes along the lines of changing your beleif system, about the things you are afraid of.  once you change your beleif system you can change your behavior. and the way you think of yourself.  Ive used it successfully. Hope this helps.
       I used to have allot of what you have, I thought I saw things too, they are not hallucinations, They are perceptual.  like being so afraid of something it brings on an intrusive image.

[Jake142]

thanks! and cbt?

[chelle_1]

Dear Jake,   you have classic ocd and anxiety,    Please contact a physician, for diagnoses and med and cbt.   this all helps keep disorder in remission. ocd is a lifelong condition, that can be managed very effectivly with help.   a hug Chelle_1

[Jake142]

I almost forgot....I'm terrified of almost everything. I always think that i am seeing things that are not actually there and it petrifies me. It's another thing that keeps me up late at night. I can't even describe the fear that i have because it is too great and triggered by so many things.