haven't checked this in a while. I'm getting A LOT better. I barely have that voice inside my head trying to argue with me, and if i do i don't let it bug me. I always get freaked out that i won't be normal around my girlfriend though, i haven't been able to see her in a while either. I think just spending more time with her will help me realize that everything is going to be okay. The last times i seen her i have been aroused. Which should be enough proof for me but it just goes in a big what if circle.
Improving everyday though!
Thank you for your responsive by the way!
millions of people go through this my man. You are not alone. I have gone through this. Your not getting an erection sounds more like performance anxiety rather than what you are fearing. Seems like its become hard for you to relax when you are engaging in sexual behavior. Arousal and anxiety do not go together, so when you are not able to relax, you are not able to hold and erection.
Speaking with a therapist can help, but from what is sounds like it is just anxiety and OCD manifesting in your fear. If you were truly gay you would know it. And life isn't so black and white, there are no need to put labels on things. There are straight people who have engaged in homosexual behavior in life and vice versa. Just because you have thoughts/visions, do not mean you secretly want to do these things. I've had visions of harming people or flipping my car, but it doesn't mean I want to do them.
Your situation sounds like anxiety and I think speaking with a therapist can help. IMO you are straight, just have some fears and anxieties that are extremely common with people who have OCD.
I have them too and its sometimes really hard, but you just have to realize that it is OCD. Again nobody is truly going to be able to give you an answer, but you shouldn't search for one. The more you search, the more you will check and compulse. Just be you and relax and do what you want (which from the sound of it is women).
Good luck man.
i also have a sort of gay dream recently and woke up to it freaking out with anxiety and rapid heart rate. Is that normal if i'm dealing with HOCD?