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Sensorimotor OCD, does anyone else have it? and help!
hey whats doing im 17 i live in melbourne australia ive had really really bad sensorimotor ocd for more than five years now and its ruined my life. i used to be an A+ student, a national level sprinter and one of the popular kids at school, but the smocd forced me to quit as i just couldnt train anymore, and i now barely pass in school. i love sport so much but i cant play, i cant do anything i dont leave the house much apart from school. ima very out-going sociable person and ive been told im the funniest person alive by people, but the smocd makes me unable to socialise with anyone, i just cant be myself i cant talk or do anything. i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without having the smocd affecting me. i now have no true close friends, i feel so alone like no one understands the hell i am going through 24/7.
to describe what my problem is: breathing, as in im always thinking about it and cant stop paying attention to it and doing it, always trying to take a bigger and more complete breath thats feels right otherwise i feel really really uncomfortable; blinking, as in i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop blinking constantly, like literally every 1 2 seconds; sometimes swallowing; fingers feel uncomfortable so i have to keep cracking them; armpits feel uncomfortable in a shirt; various parts of bosy feel uncomfortable and i need to scratch several times, usually both sides of body, like if one arm then other arm same part too; cant stop sniffling and thinking about it, same with clearing my throat, and lastly this is really hard to explain but i cant stop like tensing without meaning to? like i cant stop putting pressure if you know what i mean? this and the blinking and breathing are the worst, they are there every second of every day its a ******* nightmare.
im in year 12 so i need to study but i cant concentrate and i have no energy, i really need help im so desperate i pray every night, its all ill ever want, my only wish, just for it to go away. i just wanna start and live my life with the smocd gone forever, please help me! im seeing a psychologist but we just talk, we havent done anything to help me really, i want to try erp and cbt and anything that will help! and im on lovan but it doesnt really help that much, i have some good days occasionally, but usually its ****. at school every recess and lunch and even during class i got to the toilets to try to make myself feel right but it doesnt work and the rest of my day is ****, i just keep my head down and go into my shell as it gets so bad i cant socialise with anyone. the longest ive ever gone without the smocd has been five hours about a month ago, but i have been unable to repeat that as yet. im trying really hard to find ways to beat it because im fed up i just wanna live.
i felt really alone when i first googled ocd because it was the closest sounding thing to what i had, but it wasnt the same, i didnt do or feel any of the things that were in the common symptoms. recently i delved deeper to be more specific about my ocd but ive only found the ocd chicago article which is amazing, and everything dr steven seay has written. it feels really good to know im not alone and that others are going through the same **** and understand what im feeling. anyone else going through this **** hit me up ! :) sorry for the huge ******* post my bad yall but this is straight from the heart emotional ****, but i really need help i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability, and not have the smocd affecting me.
Best Answer
I have been dealing with Sensorimotor OCD for about five to six months now. I started dealing with it in 2009 before my high school graduation. It lasted three months and then went away by the help of counselors and God. It came back again a year later after my open heart surgery. But then it went away by techniques I used to overcome it, once again faith played a role as well. But now I have been dealing with it for six months and it still hasn't went away even when trying my older techniques used before. My Sensorimotor obsessions are not to different from some mentioned here. I focus on my breathing, how my tongue sits in my mouth, I focus on swallowing and blinking. I am also fixated on clearing my throat which is a hard one to deal with.
I've been doing my best to hang in there. My biggest fear is that these will not go away this time. I've been hoping they will like they did the last time, but no success yet. I am on antidepressant medication and do see a therapist about every two weeks who specializes in CBT. We have talked about these quirks quite a bit, and we are getting on a road to figuring out what to do. I would really like to try ERP therapy which I think would greatly help me.
I am a college student, and the difference with me is, I haven't given up despite the rough challenges of dealing with these irrational obsessions. I know that there is hope and it is not the end of the road. I have overcome these by faith and determination before, I know that I can do it again. Just tired of dealing with the fear of them not going away, deep inside though I know they will if I let this fear go.
With these obsessions sometimes I find it hard to socialize or even speak with people. Mainly because I'm afraid that when I do socialize that I might try and clear my throat, or will be thinking about swallowing or how my tongue sits while I'm trying to speak with somebody. However, I do it anyways. In my heart no matter what it takes I am not going to let this take over my life.
I would like to know more about the book you mentioned, The OCD Workbook, I think it would really help me go further.
I've been doing my best to hang in there. My biggest fear is that these will not go away this time. I've been hoping they will like they did the last time, but no success yet. I am on antidepressant medication and do see a therapist about every two weeks who specializes in CBT. We have talked about these quirks quite a bit, and we are getting on a road to figuring out what to do. I would really like to try ERP therapy which I think would greatly help me.
I am a college student, and the difference with me is, I haven't given up despite the rough challenges of dealing with these irrational obsessions. I know that there is hope and it is not the end of the road. I have overcome these by faith and determination before, I know that I can do it again. Just tired of dealing with the fear of them not going away, deep inside though I know they will if I let this fear go.
With these obsessions sometimes I find it hard to socialize or even speak with people. Mainly because I'm afraid that when I do socialize that I might try and clear my throat, or will be thinking about swallowing or how my tongue sits while I'm trying to speak with somebody. However, I do it anyways. In my heart no matter what it takes I am not going to let this take over my life.
I would like to know more about the book you mentioned, The OCD Workbook, I think it would really help me go further.
Are you seeing a psychologist?
I am an exact replica of your story. It's hell I wouldn't wish on the devil. My mind tells me I deserve. Suicide seems rational at this point. I wont tho. Best of luck. **** I used to have such a good time now I can barely smile
Hey suicide won't help caz it leaves a black spot on everyone's life that loves/cares about you, even the ones we seem to push away the most. I have no idea what to do anymore either man, I do know that drugs **** my **** up bad caz it makes my ocd switch off a bit or all the way (depending on the drugs I use) and whle I'm doing drugs I don't do the things I should. It's really just a ****** up cycle of complete dawg ****. The thing is you've went this far in life dealing with all the **** life has including having to see the world through the eye of ocd. What's the point of trying anymore? Well how about finishing the equation called life? It's not supposed to end with your friends and loved ones cleaning your blood up out of your bathroom or rolling up the bead room floor carpet to get your stains off the carpet caz they found you dead after a week. Life is a ***** I never felt I belonged anywhere except with (bad) people who are like me and want to see **** be ****** up. If I and all the rest of us have to deal so do you.
I've had imo ocd since I was 3ish I remember it well seeing the new mysterious illness that was killing people . I could go on with how many things freaked me out as a lil kid but what point would that server. I'll just say if you can get any help at anytime with ocd that's a great thing. My self I thought I was going to be a murderer or something when I got older because I developed a violent flash in my minds eye and would think about doing some really bad things to normal strangers or people in my family. Anyway my life has been in the toilet the whole time and if there was a way out i'd take it in a second, all the meds out there dont make me feel like a good person because, well, ima think about chopping somones fingers off with scissors, or take a meat cleaver and cut their head off. It's such bs I know but Im not trying to think about it, the ideas come from somewhere in me I have no idea where but they just show up during good times/bad times. I hate the **** so much lol because the only thing that helps is taking drugs and that makes it worse after about a day. So I can only think that if there is a god he made me for killing people or writing about killing people,maybe when anarchy sets in i'll finally ******* feel like a normal person!
My god i kno exactly wat ur talking about i am the exact same.its driving me to the point of thinking about suicide.help!!!!email me ***@**** i cant take benzos as i am a recovering addict and wat id ERP???
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I was really sad reading your post. Your OCD has made you do a complete 180 in your life and really who could blame you for being really, really upset.
So I do have a couple of question for you. You said you are seeing a psychologist but that it is only talk therapy. Well talk therapy can be helpful but from my own experience CBT is the best therapy for somebody with OCD. If your psychologist doesn't teach CBT, then you really should find somebody that does. It is a critical component in my mind in the fight against OCD and it is something that I learned years ago and still rely on to this day.
You said you are taking Lovan which in the US is Prozac. I took that a long time ago. What dose are you on and how long have you been taking it? I am going to go on the assumption that you are not seeing a psychiatrist for the medication. Some general doctors are pretty good with OCD and others not so much. So my suggestion would be to find a psychiatrist as well who can manage your medication. If it is not working then it either isn't the correct medication for you or you are on the wrong dose. For myself, it helped in the beginning to take a benzodiazepine to take the edge off. Once my medication built up to an effective level in my system, I didn't need to take the benzo during the day anymore. I don't know what they are called in Australia but in the US they are Xanax and Klonopin. So this is something you should really talk to the psychiatrist about as to whether he/she thinks it could help you in the short-term. Klonopin is one that people take on a more longer-term basis.
OCD is awful no matter what kind you have. However, I am proof that you can get better in that I do take medication and I practice CBT and I live a very normal life. I just think at the moment you are not getting the right kind of help that you need to live your life normally.
A book that a lot of people use is called The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It has a rating of 5 stars and so you may think about getting this book.
I know it is hard but you have to think positive. You know what you are doing isn't working so you need to make some life changes.
Psychologist that teaches CBT
Psyciatrist who can better manage your medication and is I'm sure much more familiar with what is out there and what dose you need to be at. And also talk to him/her about possibly adding either Xanax or Klonopin to your medication regimen in the short run to give you some relief.
Try to remember that you were not always like this. You lived a very normal and happy life. OCD doesn't have to take somebody, turn them around 180 and they never recover from it. People learn to live with OCD very well and your willingness to take medication makes it, in my opinion, that much easier. I fall back on past positive experiences all the time.
Get the The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Please keep me informed as to your progress. Remember only you can make yourself better by taking the appropriate steps to get well. You have a good start but it just isn't enough right now. Talk to your parents, and get the right doctors involved so that you can get better, pass high school and go on to college and live a very successful life.
Keep in touch. I want to know about your positive progress!