advice please!

[monkeyboy07]

I am 25 years old and I have always had problems with depression. I get treated then i take myself  off the meds. I seem to have alot of racing thoughts, aniexity, and focus issues. I just want to understand what is going on and what I should do to overcome these problems. I have always have had thoughts of being gay.. I don't want to be.. they won't go way. I don't know if it has to do with my past or what. The thoughts are always there. It sometimes gets bad and anxiety comes with it. I love my hubby and it wears on me. I look at girls and I make sure i am not attracted to them. I have never had a relanship with any. When I was in 4th grade I use to play house with my friends and we use to take off our clothes and play with each other. When I was in 6th grade I learn it was bad and stopped. Does have to do with this? I never really had alot of friends.. So every time I make a friend the thoughts come. It scares me!!!  It feels like I am trying to convince myself sometimes I am not, then you start believing it then the aniexity comes. I want the thoughts to go away...  What can I do???  I do not want to be gay... I want to enjoy my life with out these thoughts. I want to enjoy having sex without these thoughts! Am I gay cause I have these thoughts? Cause they won't go away? I am on celexa 20 mg... what is wrong with me?  I am bipoloar??  help me understand my mind!!!

Thank you!!   monkeyboy07

[Tangled]

If you were gay you wouldn't be questioning yourself about it and wondering if you might be gay, you'd know it! You'd feel sexually attracted to women and only women and you would have likely figured that out at a much younger age before marrying a man. This is all stemming from your OCD. It's a hellish disorder that causes intrusive, ridiculous thoughts! It's a chemical imbalance in your brain that's causing this and that's what the medication is for, to help balance the chemicals responsible for the OCD. That's why when you take yourself off of the meds you become worse. I would highly suggest going back on medication to get a handle on this. Also it sounds like perhaps your dosage was not enough of a help...you need to slowly increase to a dose that's right for you to help relieve your symptoms....under your doctor's care of course! I have OCD too and I know just how much of a nightmare it is. Don't worry about being gay! Just tell yourself it's the OCD messing with you. That's what it is! OCD sufferers will tell you how they too develop silly thoughts they can't control. It's one of the major symptoms of OCD.

Feel free to message me if I can be of any further help or support.

[monkeyboy07]

I am not sure what you are saying!  My husband makes me happy.. but why am I having the thoughts?? My desire is to be with him and grow old and happy with our three boys.. i try the thoughts don't go away.. some days are worse then others and seems to get worse when I am off my meds.. why is that??  My husband knows all this... we will last cause i am open about my mind and I know i need to stay on my meds i am just trying to understand my thoughts and why this is happening? I just don't want to be gay... do you understand what I am trying to say?!?!?

thank s  

[COFFEE123]

Get over what ever your sexuality desires just live it and you will be happy. stop feeling guilty for the kind of life that makes you happy, that should be the least of your  problems. Try to concentrate more on staying on track with the meds the doctor prescribe you! without the right meds you arent going to be able to have a normal relationship anyway!!!