Scared of starting to feel okay with being gay

[Joelbergann]

Hello, this is my second time posting on this forum about HOCD. I'm a 15 year old male. I have had HOCD for about 3 months now and have gotten to the point where I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I have read on other forums saying that the way to beat HOCD is to not fight it. I have tried doing that and the anxiety left for about a day. I have no problem with other people being homosexual but I know I don't want to be. At least I think I know I don't want to be. Because lately I have been feeling like I'm becoming okay with it and in the future I will. I don't like the thought of that, and reading other posts about people who go through the exact same thing as me in the end, turn out homosexual. I did experiment as a child (but have found that's normal in 6,7,8 year olds.) I'm not sure if this is just a backdoor spike because whenever I stop having anxiety the intrusive thoughts come and I start to realise I may be homosexual. I love women and have not doubted my sexual orientation and attraction to girls throughout my teenage years.  I just want this to stop because I hate the thought of being relaxed about becoming homosexual.

[JGF25]

Good advice from Rywol.  You take the fear out of the thought when you "accept" it which is what he is doing with his self-coaching positive statement of fact.  

[Rywol]

Hello there friend. I can relate to you as I have suffered from HOCD since at least the sixth grade. My story is (from what I remember) that one night before bed I just had a thought like "hey, what if I'm gay" and just like that the intrusive thoughts hit me square in the face. Somehow those thoughts went away from what I remember after a few months. The thoughts would return all the way until last year when they came back for a long time and I couldn't get them to leave me alone. I'm a 16 year old now and I have thought just as you have in that I believed I was losing the fight going on inside my brain. You just have to say to yourself "screw it, I like women and I only see myself happy with a woman as my significant other". As long as you keep saying that to yourself and keep drilling it in your head, it should eventually stop. Good luck.