Anger Management and the young survivor

[onthemendmomma]

....and by young I mean anyone under????????


60? 70?   I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.

[onthemendmomma]

It is exausting to keep repeating myself but it is affirming to so as well. Caregivers are also in grief...they are entitled to this grief. The grief of mourning a loved one....this is different...it is distinct and sad but it is not the same.

We survivors/victims of cancer are experiencing a different grief/terror. A grief that includes the terror of a timebomb that we didn't even know was ticking inside us that may (probably) despite our best efforts will continue to do us harm. PLEASE STOP TELLING ME HOW I SHOULD FEEL ABOUT MY CELLULAR FI!@#  REVOLUTION GOING ON INSIDE MY BODY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

   Today, despite my best efforts and desires to the contrary, I had to go to the doctors office which happens to be at the hospital. Despite, my preference not to I had to get blood drawn 3 different places b/c for some reason at this office they didn't want to deal with my port.....(which all the health careproviders said I'd just loooove...I don't ...I don't love my port 1 bit) Today I had to get xrays and wonder if by the time I got home the hospital will have called to tell me that I had to go back and be admitted....Today, I was reminded I am a "dead woman walking".....IN A VERY DIFFERENT WAY THAN we all are, in that we will all die "some day"...

Please, I respect your experience...why is it impossible to respect mine? Is it just too mind blowing to think that the person you loved may have had an  experience like mine? Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. But this is MY experience...and the experience of the women expressing themselves here...please if you really care LISTEN...and LEARN

[SimplyStar]

Hun you are forgetting about some very helpful posters, when you suggest that we, the caregivers, should not post on the OVCA threads what about JatooBob, Alan, just a few among many, with the research that many of us did insearching for answers and then we share them,  When Alans Mom was alive we all learned so much through his research, Jatoo always had an answer for us and with Bobs daughter we were able to get a new perspective about the younger  women,  One thing I have learned is that women have two very distinct sides, one is very private and the other is the public side that she alone can share.  This forum provides the vehical for lifting that curtain a little  and sharing the private side.  Life is too short and sweet to guard  those shared moments and not let them have the freedom to enlighten someone  that needs the help.  We have all made friends and we have lost some of them, we also wonder where some of the friends are when they no longer post here.   One thing I have never shared with you is , I was taught that life is a road I must follow, I shared this with my kids, there are many bumps in the road and there are many fine clear paths, the side of the road is lined with beautiful flowers,  stop along the way and smell the roses, if you look far enough towards the end, you will see a rainbow  take your time as you travel and know that at the end of the road there is freedom and peace.  Leslee found her rainbow.

[Ramsay14]

Dear Jen,

"So why shouldn't the advice of caregivers be excepted as a loving gesture and an effort to help someone else have more time with there loved ones and live a longer life"  

Why is this thread so difficult to understand?  We are all painfully aware of what this disease is doing to our loved ones.  We understand that the caregiver is experiencing excruciating pain!  We understand that it is excruciating to watch a loved one live with an insidious disease such as ovarian cancer.  The advise of caregivers is accepted and invaluable when appropriately given and when asked for!

What is not appropriate is when a caregiver offers up the advise of:

"You as the patient think about the ones you possibly might leave behind,  do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplacable, we like to think we are but in reality we are not."  

That was not a loving gesture!  I'm going to dare to speak for a majority of the young survivors, but the above "advise" is our biggest fear.  It's the most horrible nightmare any of us have ever had.  Leaving our children behind without a mother.  How is the above advise loving?  How is it helpful in any way?      

[dawnlyn]

Why are you trying to put an age to this disease and what happens to this person...You speak of being a certain age 30 for example and your peers are going on with their lives at that same age....True but women of age 40, 50, and 60 with ovarian cancer their peers are also going on with their lives..... Granted there are different set of circumstances with each age but that is just that  we all have different things we all have things going on at different times in our lives.. And each holds its own in importance to that individual....I hope that makes sense.....It is okay to be angry and we have every right to be so..If you do not have this disease you are going on with your life.....Please take the time to consider those caregivers who really are a special group of people and women of all ages who have this disease, because you are all right unless you walk in someone shoes you really do not know what they are going thru regardless of the age....The age should not matter...What should matter is the love and support we can all give one another..........We all want to live our lives to the fullest........We are all either  someone's mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, aunt.....We need to help one another and try to our best to find a cure for this damn beast........so others will not have to go thru what we have to endure.....I am not trying to upset anyone, but we all need to pull together, there is strength in numbers.........With the deepest love and respect.Dawnlyn.

[Tybear]

I know I should let this go and I'm trying but I take exception to the post from Jen - with all due respect no, you have no idea the pain I go through. YOU do not have ovarian cancer...you can have empathy for me and my situation and sympathize with me, but you don't really know what it's like.
Being diagnosed at 26 years old was awful - my son was 2.5 years old, I had recently separated from my ex-husband and has *just* begun a new relationship. Then I'm handed what felt like a death sentence and all the literature out there is for older women...where's the brochures about being a single mom with cancer? Dating with cancer? Dealing with menopause at 26? Losing my ability to have more children? Not being able to take HRT and subsequently being diagnosed with osteoperosis? Having to think about who my child will live with when I'm gone? You can't possibly tell me that you have honestly gone through all of that and know how it feels. Like I said, you can empathize with me, but unless you have had that IV hooked up to your veins and had those toxic drugs waging war inside of you, you don't really know...
Again, no one was suggesting that caregivers don't have a say on this forum...I've learned a lot from Marty about how it must feel to be on the other side of all of this - it's made me more understanding of what it must be like to be my parents or sisters or spouse. We were merely suggesting that when someone starts a post directed towards those with ovarian cancer, that it would be respectful if those who didn't have cancer didn't post replies.
Becky

[Beachwalker33]

I was told to get the tests done to see if I had the gene or worse.I should for my son.I was told they thought I had a fibroid during pregnancy.I'll get it checked.I thought I had time,but its seems like this disease doesn't discriminate,young or old.I pray for many of you everday,especially those that don't believe! Love & hope to all of you with this disease,Jen