As a Mother I would like your opinions on best support for her

[SimplyStar]

I would like your opinions on how to best give my support to my daughter with OVCA.  What helped you the most?  What hurt your feelings?  I am so scared.  No mother can help but hurt when a serious illness hits one of your children. She was a total "in control" of her life till this happened. She appears to be dealing with the hair loss. Her hair was her pride and she bought a pretty wig. But I know she miss's her work. She works with people with disabilities. She has made several trips back to the facility between chemos, mainly because she knows the people miss her. I know she would like to work but it would be a big strain on her body. Because she has always been so active, now the time drags for her. Her hubby and daughters all work days. She told me that the times she is alone are the worst. She has set one goal after this last chemo. She wants to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the family. I have tried to get her interested in the net knowledge groups but she hasn't done so yet. I pass on everything I can to her. I make copies of stories and give them to her to read. I tell her she is not alone. Her brothers are afraid to talk to her because they see such a change and they don't know what to say. She is very open about talking about her cancer and the aftermath of the chemo. Should I tell her brothers that she needs them now? Tomorrow will be a rough day for her because it is Halloween, she has for at least 15 years planned and carried out a huge party for the kids and adults at their farm. Hayrack ride, costumes, pumpkin carving, bonfire and the works. she will miss it.

[Best59]

I know, I was depressed a lot, and I don't have my mother around me. Your daugher is very lucky with you.
I think, you need to tell her your feelings too, and I think, this is the time when a  family have to come closer and more intimet too. Brothers need to listen, invalved, need to be with your daughter, take care her too.

[OCFB]

I agree with Tybear in that I hated people feeling sorry for me and acting as if the cancer had completely altered me as a person.  And, like Tybear, I did not come to this forum until well after my chemo was finished (I am a little over two years post-chemo).  When you are living with the side effects of chemo, the one thing you want to do is escape...break the routine.  My husband would pick me up from a chemo treatment in our RV and take me away somewhere overnight.  Perhaps you could take your daughter to an afternoon movie, out to lunch, or to a bookstore.  Maybe you are working on some project that she could also get involved in.  I knit and crochet, so I made all my caps in different colors.  Working with my hands was really important to me.  It helps so much to get one's mind off the cancer.  My daughters are grown with families of their own, but they were very attentive during my treatment.  I enjoyed hearing about what was happening in their lives, about 'normal' things, because I felt, inside, anything but normal.  Hope this helps.
Linda

[Tybear]

Sorry, I should have added - maybe get her some books? Get her a gift card to Chapters or something... just a thought.

[Tybear]

You are such a sweet and loving Mother. I know for me, I hated it when people felt sorry for me. I had so much pride and it drove me nuts when people would give you that "I'm so sorry" face - I know they meant well, but it just bugged me. I was very open to talking about my cancer and it bothered me when people didn't want to talk about it - it was like they were scared which made me feel uncomfortable. It was still me - just with cancer. The hair thing was so hard for me - the worst was when people would tell me "atleast it grows back" - yeah, I know that. Easy for you to say when you wake up everyday with your hair! I didn't actually come to these support forums until after my treatments ended. It's a very personal decision - she will come when she is ready. Another thing my mom was good at - instead of asking me if I needed anything (to which I would always say no!) she would just show up with groceries and stuff. That helped a lot. I had a hard time asking for help. I'm not sure what else to tell you - you are a wonderful mom and she's lucky to have you!
Take care,
Becky