Well...my appointment is today and hubby is going with me

[dustinsmom2004]

I am going to see my pcp today in regards to my previous bloodwork, I am kind of "floating" right now, neither here nor there, but then again it is 5a and I got to bed at about 1a. Had a big bad case of insomnia. I was so stressed out that I even left my purse at work and I never do that. There wasnt a sleeping pill around that would put me down. Thank god I dont work today. I think that I am ready to hear his news. I had a long talk with my husband last nite, and told him that I have known this for approximately two months which is the truth. One of my customers that come in every so often also has a daughter that is autistic and the customer is in her late fifties early sixties. She has offered to come by under my supervision as well as my husbands and we are going to see how her and Dusty do together. I am ready to accept help, she is not one to drink, she comes in and orders food to go. So we will see. I just have a very hard time sharing my baby with others. It took me this bout of ovca to share him with my immediate family. When I had him, he was my blonde haired blue eyed miracle. I say this because I have brown hair and eyes, and also because I had uterine ca when I was pregnant with him. He is the love of my life, when I look at him I fall in love all over again. As far as I am concerned, I am still bruising, have swollen lymph nodes every which way, and bleeding from places that I shouldnt be bleeding from anymore, as well as this nasty bruising. No one really touches me without producing a bruise, and water makes me itch like there is no tomarrow (go figure). I am kinda blabbering I guess it is chemo brain. I am hoping that I am not admitted to the hospital today because I am feeling pretty good. I am going to ask for an anti depressant, as well as something besides tramadol because the long bones of my body are quite painful, as well as the lumps, I am also going to ask for something besides lorazapam as this is just not doing what it is supposed to be doing. I also want to get into hematology and get the bone marrow biopsy as soon as possible, and get on with this stuff so I can be done with it. From what I have read the first treatments are done in the hospital, and then after that at home, and then maintenance. I am also going to request counseling. I hate like heck to air my dirty laundry to others but I am kinda at my wits end. I need the help dealing with my feelings and the rest of my family is also going to need help with the feelings that they are experiencing. I will write more when I get home and let everyone know because now I am babbling and being the queen of procrastination with this chemo brain that I have aquired. Luv to all

[vegas2cr]

You are in my thoughts today.. hoping all turns out well.. R

[butterflytc]

Will be thinking of you today, and hope you get all the help and answers you need. Try and take small steps, and remember to breath in between. keep us posted.
butterflytc

[fungirl1011]

Good Luck today.  I am praying for you.  I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.   I'm not sure if you remember or not, but I too have an autistic daughter (age 10).  It is so hard to trust anyone but family with our special angels.  I hope this woman works out to help you.  We are here for you.  Love ya, Kasie

[silver&gold]

Good luck at your  appointment , I hope you manage to get all the answers to you questions.

Best wishes Angie

[Knotmeg]

I'm thinking of you today.... so so much. Keep us posted.

Sounds like you've got some very important questions/topics to talk about... and I commend you for taking the initiative to get some meds to help you sort through your thoughts. I can assure you that counseling will be as important if not more so, to your mental health.

Good Luck... we're with you!
Meg