some what if's

[SimplyStar]

Leslee and I talked for a time this afternoon, we tried to recall her entire  journey with this da-- disease. Then we starting saying some "what if's",  things that we know now, that we didn't know then and the doctors that we trusted didn't suggest.  For instance, since the recurrance rate is so high , what if after her initial surgery and first line chemo, she had remained on chemo, that would have been started when the first was done,  the trial they put her on didn't help,  then the doxil for 9 months, all this covered almost 2 years, with gaps of 4 to 6 weeks inbetween, we all know how fast some cancers grow, and with continous chemo, maybe it would not have happened.  I am just wondering have any of the new gals asked about this, I know now, we would have asked for the chemo to continue, while she was still feeling good and working.  It is too late for her now, and what if's don't really matter any longer, but if it would for someone else, that would be fine. All Leslee said today was that she is just waiting for someone to give her a little hope, I did my best, don't know if it was enough though.  more later  Marty.

[crecco]

  Marty,
    I have to agree. There are "what ifs" in every aspect of life, but we cannot dwell on them because we cannot go back and change it. All we can do is to go on and know that at the time we did what we felt was best in each particular situation.
   I was one of those who remained on chemo after the initial carbo/taxol and surgery. My surgery was in June of 06 and I started back on Taxol at the end of July 06. By Dec 06 I was taken off of the Taxol and started on Doxil because it was no longer working and the cancer was back. I know that we are all different as are our responses to different chemos. But I have never had a break from chemo and probably never will, so please try to look at it like LesLee was able to enjoy some time occasionally away from chemo.
  LesLee said she wanted someone to give her some hope? Marty, where are you? You have always been there to give so many of us hope when we felt there was none. You delved in and researched anything and everything. I know that this is so hard on you right now, but I also know that if anyone could find any thing at all, then it is you.  I know that the hurt inside you is so very awful, but I agree, you cannot stop fighting. You need to look inside yourself and find that determination that kept you going for so long.  Do not let this beast win and allow it to drag you down any longer. Pick yourself back up and bring on the old Marty that we all know and love. The one determined to kick this thing in the ***!!!
   Love Chris

[Angie_Lou]

I haven't commented on this forum for a long long time and its because it kept reminding me of my own mortality.  I truly wanted to be helpful and when I felt I wasn't achieving that goal, I stopped.  Just recently have I been following some of the discussions and yours made me want to say just a few things. Whether these words will be comforting, well, I just don't know.. but I felt the need to let you know:

As much as we try to give you support & comfort through this forum, we know that you have this huge ache in your heart because your loved one is struggling and as much as we try to ease that ache, we know it won't go away.  But, don't look back and ask the "what ifs" because all it does is keep you and Leslee in a stagnant state, spinning your wheels.

Don't stop fighting. Whether its Leslee's & your fight to find a new chemo or alternative medical treatment, to explore homeopathic ways or a combination of all the above and more, go forward with God's help and you will find the right path.

Bless you, Leslee and everyone else that has been touched with this horrible disease.

With Prayer, Angie  

[vegas2cr]

I also asked about maintenance chemo and my oncologists and I have 3 differerent ones said the end result is no different... that women do not live longer only have poorer quality of life... I have a gynecological oncologist  a regular oncologist and a radiological oncologist.. all agreed... Please don't look backwards... we make the decisions with the information we have at hand... am I making the right decison with stage IV??? I don't know... I only know that I have quality.... Hugs to you Marty and love and hope to Leslee. Ronni

[westgal]

I don't post much but not a day goes by that I don't think about everyone on this forum. I can imagine wondering 'what if' Leslee had started maintenance chemo right after she had her complete response to first line chemo. Some others may be along to offer words about it --- my onc did not recommend it at the end of my first line tx because she said it did not improve the overall result. So in my opinion, you or Leslee should not be hard on yourselves in looking back on it all and feeling as though you didn't take the right road. I hope she can focus on the beauty of each day and imagine she appreciated what you did to give her hope.