My daughter has ovarian cancer

[Lindamuir77]

I just read the site about Colleen and her mom with ovca.  As sorry as I am for Colleen...it is horrible to lose a mom, I know, but  I wish I were the one battling cancer.  I am a mom in good health, a cancer survivor of first stage endometrial cancer.  My daughter, Dawn was diagnosed 9 years ago, and has had probably every chemo that can be used....she had 2 surgeries before...she thought she was cancer free.  There is a tumor on her liver and is not getting smaller, and now a couple of spots on her lungs.  She has done all the right diets, from the very beginning.  She has edema, she is taking water pills, and losing necessary minerals (i.e.,sodium) and thus is in pain.  She has been so brave and a "take command" type of person...always upbeat.  She is getting very fatigued, and isn't driving herself to appointments or to her part time job.  She is on a small dosage of Dilaudid.  She lives in California, I live in NC.  She has always had a healthy appetite and though slim, could eat a lot of food....she is eating less.  I have advised and suggested and hoped for clinical trials.....anything that could help her.  She has seen one oncologist for these 9 years at Kaiser Permanente.  I want her to live....is it going to happen?  I am going for a visit on July 6 with my husband.  I last saw her in December......she was tired, but peppy and garrolous.  I am so scared, even though I am a person of faith.  Is there a chance MDAnderson or Mayo could do anything more than Kaiser?  She is 53, married, no children.  She has not accepted my concern and thinks she has done everything she could.  She wants me to respect her decisions, and even closed me out for several weeks for "interfering".

[shewrites]

I feel bad for you -- and for Dawn.  

You didn't say what stage she had to start with, but she must have had recurrences.  I think she's done well to live with active ovca for nine years.  That says a lot about the doctors and the treatments they've been recommending.   Also, I think you can assume that she has educated herself on the disease and knows whether there's any point in getting a second opinion.  

If you think about it, Dawn has lost control to this disease.  She's probably trying to have as much control as she can.  That means making her own decisions.   She may reject "mothering" from her husband, her friends, and you on occasion.  It's her way of coping, and probably a healthy thing.  She needs your support.  

You have an important role to play in your daughter's life, and I wish you all well on this journey.  Keep in touch -- and God bless.  

[dian07]

I don't know the nightmare of the possible, or inevitable, loss of a daughter.  I hope I never will, either.
Your daughter is no longer a child......she is your equal and has the right to make her own decisions regarding her own life.  You must show her the respect she deserves.  I understand our need to protect our children, but at some point we must step back and let them own themselves.
As hard as it sounds......perhaps it is time.....no....it is time.
If you don't want to lose her before hand....figure out what she needs from you....her mother, and provide her that.
I wish you, and her, all the best.
Peace.
dian