My mother passed away last night at ~11:40PM

[Mark4124]

To know that one is to die is one thing, to feel it, to sense it, to see it is another thing entirely. My mother was diagnosed with Fallopian/Endometrial cancers in 2003. She had a historectomy and 3 rounds carbo/taxol. She had a recurrence in her para-aortic lymph node last summer. That quickly grew but was resected in Nov. At that time the medical people wanted radiation, I wanted chemo because I thought that would be more "global" in approach. But alas that is water under the damn now. After a month of radiation she had another CT which revealed lung/liver mets. She had gemzar in February to no
effect. She was looking toward maybe doxil followed by clincal trial of sutent. But in the last week and a half she went from 2 mile walks in the woods with the dog to O2 sats in the high 60s with 5l/min of O2. I brought hospice into the picture on Monday. She was still somewhat lucid when woken even at 9PM last night. Around 11PM I gave her her last morphine but at that time she had descended into a coma. She passed away, peacefully and painlessly about 30-45 min later. I called hospice and their nurse came down to declare death. I will have her cremated and scater her ashes in her favorite vacation spot in accordance with her wishes. My mother lived, died, and will be morned in the way she desired. Her 54th birthday would have been May
9th. For a 27yr old my mother and I were as close as could possibly have been. I would not have done anything differently in the way I saw her thru her final days, but it will still be very hard in the coming months to absorb the profound sense of emptiness that I feel. I wish you all luck in your struggles and I profoundly urge you to consider, no matter how much hope for a good outcome, how you wish to pass if that may come and see that you have supportive family and the right medical team on board to see that thru.

[DebbieKarley]

We did not chat on here much but I did send you a message a while ago.  I am so sad to hear about your mums passing.  I know what you are going thru as my mum passed away March 24.  I thought I was doing ok but this week has been really hard.  I have just found out my father does not have much time left.  My mum and I have been really close my entire life and I always seem to pick up the phone wanting to call her.  She did die peacefully and I was there when she took her last breath.  She had 3 tears roll down her cheek before she passed on.  I am crying now as I type and I am hoping in time I will be able to cope with this!  I do know she is out of pain and off the pain medication but I will say LIFE is NOT fair.  My condolences to you and your family.....Debbie

[mhelen]

"She spent her last 1.5hrs in a quiet coma and passed without any suffering. This is one of my greatest accomplishments in my 27yrs. "

You are so right about that and you and your mother were truely blessed to have each other.  Though nothing can take away the pain it must be some comfort to know how your love and dedication to your mom eased her final moments and made her journey easier.  I will be thinking of you and praying for you

[Mark4124]

My brother and his fiancee have just left. I am having a friend of mine come over later from NJ. He is a hallarious guy who my mother absolutely loved. They both had a strong sense of humor. Things are getting a bit easier even now. There are still some things I have not attempted. She took her little dog Kiwi for walks at the Mill Pond and in the Town Forest. I have taken Kiwi to the pond several times since her passing, but it is an open and "safe" sort of place. I have not yet attempted the woods. I am scared to be that alone just this yet in my grief. I take great solace in the way I saw her thru. Again my brothers were not here, and though hospice was here often in the last day... it was still something mostly managed by me. I am glad that was the way that it was. My mother wanted to die at home, not in the hospital on ventilation. She feared that she would suffer at the end, clinging on to breath as she died. Although she was severely out of breath and on oxygen in the last 2 days, the morphine made her a bit more comfortable and her final passing could not have been more peaceful. She spent her last 1.5hrs in a quiet coma and passed without any suffering. This is one of my greatest accomplishments in my 27yrs.

I would have liked for my mother to have seen my older brother make something of himself, he is a drug user and was in jail when she passed, but I am still grateful Amaris that she did not have any young children. I can't begin to imagine how difficult that is. Much like you, I too spoke to my mother several times a day. I am going to start an MBA at Indiana U in Bloomington in July. That will provide me with some new community and support, but it will be very hard around here to come home from work everyday in the evening without my mom to talk to and watch TV and generally hang out with. But I know I will be ok, I have much yet to do and much to see thru for my mother.

[Meagan20]

I'm very sorry for you loss. I know it's hard. I went through the same thing 4 months ago. My aunt was diagnosed with a rare ovarian cancer in December of 2005. She went through countless chemo and radiation treatments until about 6 months later the doctors said there was nothing they could do. She passed away 2 days before christmas last year. It was really hard. I remember visiting her at the hospital and at her home before she passed away. The hardest part for me was watching this thing take her life and nothing could be done. My heart goes out to you.

[stephers]

Mark, I am really sorry about your mother. At least she had a son that cared so much for her, i am sure that brought her great happiness.

[freshair]

I am sorry to hear you lost your mother and how quickly it happened. You will spread her ashes in her favorite places and I as a mother would want you to go there and take time and enjoy those places for her and yourself.

I pray that you will receive God's comfort.

Helen

[Amaris]

I will pray for you & your family in this very difficult time. I too lost my mom to ovarian cancer on January 10,2007. She was 42 & I'm only 23 with a 5yr old little brother & a step-dad who is only 36 & left all alone. SHe was diagnosed in June 06' so it wasn't even a full year before the cancer took her from us. I spoke to her at least 5 times a day, if I wasn't over her house. We were so very close more like best friends, it's still so very difficult for me to deal with. Once again I am so very sorry for what you are going through & what you will have to deal with in the future. Please if you need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to try & help or just listen.
May your mother rest in peace.
Amaris

[Best59]

Hi Mark,
I have a 27 years old son, and I can feel your pain.
The mother and son or dauther relationship is a closest relationship. I would like to give you a big hug, even I know my son doesn't like to be hugged and I think you propably is a same...
Your mother will want you to concentrate on your HEALTH and on your FUTURE from now. Please try to get through the grief, with your friends, and with your relatives... I know is a hardest thing.
ASK for help! You did everything for to help her, and you was able to with her until the last minute. You was very lucky! She was ready to go, and she doesn't suffer anymore.
We all think about you, and we are with you. Love: Sue

[Stretch63]

Dear Mark, My deepest sympathy to you and your family. What comfort you must have been to her...God Bless...

[pjet]

Your Mom is beautiful and so proud of you. May your many good and happy memories comfort you at this time...

[4mom]

I am so sorry for your mothers passing .My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

[nyc lady]

My thoughts are with you and your family.  Take comfort in knowing that your mother is no longer suffering.  May she rest in peace.

Pam

[Larain]

Mark,

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Larain

[plady]

Dear Mark:

My prayers are with you.  


plady

[never give up hope]

Dear Mark,

I am truly sorry to hear about your Mum. I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling. Cry, release your emotions it helps. May God continue to give you peace and comfort through this grieving time. It will be difficult knowing her birthday and Mother's day is right around the corner.  Try and keep yourself busy, and may you always fine comfort in knowing that you did everything possible to assist her.

Take care,

Never give up hope

[TealSupporter]

Mark,

I know you will be lifted up again.  I know you will never be the same without your Mother but in time you will learn to live with her in your heart.  I know it is not comforting now but know that she is no longer in pain.  

In your own time your grief will lift enough for you to see a little light.

I know your Mom is so proud of you and I am so sorry.

I know your pain and I know the agony so well.  God, I am so sorry.

I am here and we all are here for you.  

May God Continue to Comfort You Always,
Love,
Megan
www.brittanywaldrep.com (my sister was 24 and me 26 when I lost her 10 mo.'s ago)
www.ovariancancerforum.com

[baguba]

May the love and support of family and friends help to ease the pain and strengthen your memories. There is nothing greater than a mother's love; hold on to that.  God Bless you at this difficult time. My prayers go out to you ~ Judie

[Paula J9]

I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.  Your mother must have been extremly comforted to have you by her side in her final hours.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Paula

[Helmar]

Dear Mark..I'm so very sorry to hear your sad news, but in the light of what your Mum was facing, I'm sure you are happy knowing that she is out of this awful battle, and is at peace forever.
I can look at your thoughts from the other side of the fence, as I lost my eldest son when he too, was 27 years old. He passed away unexpectedly from an asthma attack, and that was absolutely devastating, so I can feel your sense of loss very much. I'm sure your Mum didn't want to leave you either.
It's been 6 years since Andrew passed, and although time heals a little, it all comes rushing back on the special days. His birthday is on May 12th...our Mother's Day is May 13th. so that's going to be a rough weekend for me. Of course you will miss your Mum at Christmas too. The first year is the worst...after that it dulls a  bit,  but will never go completely. That sense of loss will always be there. I contracted Ovarian cancer after we lost Andrew, and I put that loss and the aftermath as being pivotal in me getting this cancer. I'm kept busy doing what I need to do to stay on track with this, and I also lead a very full and active lifestyle, so that helps me not to dwell on my loss of Andrew, although thoughts of him are with me each day.
Mark, I will leave you my e.mail, if you feel like dropping me a line, and off-loading some of your sadness. ***@****
Wishing you all the best.... Hugs...Helen..

[Hazel30]

I am so  sorry for your loss and my heart aches for you.  Reading your post brings tears to my eyes.  Im 26 and my Mother is 47 who is going through ovca recurrence and its very painful to see and acknowledge because its my Mom.  At this time you must know that your Mom is in a better place and  will be with you for the rest of your life and hopefully one day you will reunite.  Take care of your self and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Tybear]

Mark...I'm so sorry to hear of your mothers passing. I am 28, with a 54 yr old mother, and I couldn't imagine my life without her.  I know she would give anything to be fighting this disease instead of me. I hope that in the months to come, your heart hurts a little less, but for now, I can only imagine how much it must ache. Your Mom must have been so proud of you...
Wishing you some brighter days to come...
With much sympathy,
Becky

[SimplyStar]

As a mother myself,  I read your post with a deep sense of loss,  that I know you are feeling now. Your mother would not want you to suffer on her account,  so go ahead and cry,  and get through the grief and then do her proud and move on with your life.  I know you did all you could for her,  now she is with Jesus and free from any more suffering.  There is nothing a mother loves more than her children, and when that love is returned,  as you did to her, know that she felt it and her death was made much easier,  with you being beside her.  You will miss her the rest of your life,  but what you will remember are the happy , fun times.  Memories are beautiful treasures to hold on to.  All my children are older than you ,  but I will send you a big hug anyway and I want you to just try to imagine it is from her. God Bless You

[Jatoo]

Dear Mark:

My condolences. May she rest in peace.

Jatoo

[gail47]

I am sorry for the loss of you mother and I also feel what you are feeling because I lost my mother also to ovarian cancer in 1997.  Instead of grieving for my mother I found myself laughing a lot because I just started to think of all the funny things she did and said.   She was a funny person.  She always kept me and my two sisters, my friends, and her friends laughing about something.  My father could not stand it because he though we all were just too silly.  He used to tell my mother you got those girls just as silly as you are and tell us that we were silly just like your mama and we would just laugh at him.  But even though I also came down with ovarian cancer in 2002 as my mother did and own my second recurrence I think about how strong she was and my faith in God keep me going on.  So think about the good times, all the fun you had with her, all the silly things she did but most of all keep her in your heart and you will get thru this time of sorrow.  God Bless