How do I ask my wifes doctor....

[davidb1113]

Four years ago, my wife was diagnosed with stage IIIC OC.  We have gone through several rounds of chemo over the years.  This summer things got woorse.  Since August '07 she has been in and out of the hospital 4 times.  She had a complete bowel obstruction and recovered, she is now recovering from a partial obstruction and there is concern the cancer had penetrated the bowel.  She went for targeted radiation therapy and just finished it up, with some positive results.  Now she is back in the hospital for severe N/V  2 days past her 2nd carb/taxol therapy.  She has a G-tube, is on Fentanyl, and is on TPn at home.  She looks like she has aged 20 years at times.  She is only 44.  

I have read several article dealing with bowel obstructions and OC.  All don't offer much hope.  We recently closed our business and I had a temporary job lined up.  Well temporary is over, and I am looking for work.  We have enough savings to last 6 months.  The question is how much longer and what should I expect?  I never thought I'd have to even consider asking, but I want to know if I should concentrate on finding a job or stay home.  How do I talk to her doc about this, without sounding like I want her to die?  But I need to think about moving on for mine and our daughters sake....Both families have been supportive and are helping where they can.  

Thanks in advance for the advice.

[Angie_Lou]

Thanks PF_PVD for the full description of N/V.  I did not have as much nausea as most.  But anything with actual ginger in it will help.  Ginger tea, ginger cookies, even the pickled ginger served with sushi.  I'm not a great fan of ginger, but it did help me.  So, if ginger isn't in your diet, try it.  If it is and not working, I don't know what else to suggest.

note to Yvonne; All our lives are by God's timing.  Please don't give up just because the Chemo doesn't.  Unless you have tried all sorts of things, don't stop now.  If you don't have the time or energy to do research, I will do it for you.  If I'm willing to do this for you, will you be willing to fight your cancer for me?  I hope you see this and if you don't, I'm going to copy it as a question.  Angie

[YvonneS]

I am so sorry.  But, yes, ask the doctor.  There is a need to know.  Explain you situation and ask where do we go from here?  I asked my ONO and his answer to me was "it will be fast".  That was 3 onths ago.  I am feeling good although the chemo is not working.  But it is God's timing.  God bless you and hang in there.  Yvonne

[PF_PVD]

I believe N/V = nausea/vomiting, a familiar aquaintance of many of us

[Angie_Lou]

I'm sorry to ask this, but what is N/V?  I'm not use to the shorthand, yet.  If anyone can tell me and if it is something I've experienced, I would like to add what I have done to overcome it.  Knowledge is power for all of us.  Thanks.  Angie

[Angie_Lou]

I may not be the best person to give advice, since I have only recently been joined to the goup of women dx with OC.  My journey just began in late spring of this year and I was dx with stage IIIC, too.  I am not married and have only one sibling; my sister.  My condition (although right now in remission) really put a strain on my sister and I can only imagine what you are going through with your wife's present condition.

I'm a straightforward person and I was the one that asked my doctor if my cancer was terminal.  She said all cancers are terminal and that is all she said.  But, keep one thing in mind, no one....absolutely no one has the right to put a time limit on our lives.  If you are seeking to know this, and someone tells you, then that will be it.  As hard as it is, don't go there and if someone does tell you a timeline, don't believe it.  Keep as strong as possible and just keep fighting.

If we can keep the cells under control, then we will have more time.  I know I have to do anything and everything imaginable to keep my cancer under control.  If this means to do the most outrageous healing out there, then so be it.  Someone just recently told me about a natural healing in Mexico and the place is called Huxley.  I haven't gone on the web yet, but plan to soon, just to keep my options open.  I'll be honest, some days I just to lazy or just too overwhelmed with what I already have absorbed.  But, then I go on this site and keep listening and doing.

I've tried certains teas, take certain supplements and listen to others that have experienced worse than me and I am doing okay for now.  If my cells start acting up, I'll include more things to my present regiment and continue as much  researching that is as humanly possible.

For you to write to this forum, we know you haven't given up on your wife.  I think it's that you may feel you've reached the end of your rope.  You really haven't and if you have, hang on tight.  Read and listen as much as you can and only take in what you think will be best for you and your wife.  And, please don't keep this only to yourselves and family members.  My friends have done alot of research on my behalf and it has really helped.  You may feel talking with your buddies about your wife's condition, but believe me, their wives and girlfriends will want to get involved in anyway they can.  The more involved, the more options.  It will be hard to decipher what is hoax and what works, but all of us on this forum (including me) will or have shared their experiences and what they are doing to keep it under control.

The both of you have been going thru this longer than I have, but I know what you mean about finances.  I've gone through half my savings all ready and need to seriously act on social security disability benefits and/or liquidate things, too.  This is where your family and friends can also help, whether it is with information on what is available to you through our governmental services or as small as just having a garage sale with 1/2 the proceeds going to your wife.  Honestly, I have a friend that did just that and although it first felt funny to me, she did it because she wanted to help me in the way she knew how.  And for that I'm grateful and have made it a point to give as much as I can in return with every step I take in life.

Although your wife is going through this physical hell, I know you both are going through a very emotional time and you both need the support.  We are all here and my prays are with you.  Angie

[Helmar]

Hi David...I don't think it's unreasonable of you to want straight answers from your wife's Doctor, and being her husband, you are entitled to ask those questions. Her Doctor would have some idea on how the situation is, although Doctors are not God, and don't know all of the answers, but maybe he could give you some input into how things are going at present.  Being open and honest with the Doctor, shouldn't make him think that you are wishing your wife's demise, but it's only natural that you would want/need to have his views on the situation. With this disease, we are individuals, so no-one can really gauge how it will run. Your wife maybe one of the lucky ones, who will get through her present problems o.k.. I was dx Stage 4 in '04 and my Doctors weren't too confident about my condition either, but here I am...still here and doing well. If I was you, I would sit down and ask the Doctor the questions that are bothering you, and take it from there, remembering that Doctors generally work on stats. I don't worry about stats... I like to make my own.:-)
Wishing you and your family...particularly your wife... all the best, and I hope she gets some good news soon. Please stay in touch and let us know how she is doing. ...Hugs...Helen...

[Helmar]

Hi David...I don't think it's unreasonable of you to want straight answers from your wife's Doctor, and being her husband, you are entitled to ask those questions. Her Doctor would have some idea on how the situation is, although Doctors are not God, and don't know all of the answers, but maybe he could give you some input into how things are going at present.  Being open and honest with the Doctor, shouldn't make him think that you are wishing your wife's demise, but it's only natural that you would want/need to have his views on the situation. With this disease, we are individuals, so no-one can really gauge how it will run. Your wife maybe one of the lucky ones, who will get through her present problems o.k.. I was dx Stage 4 in '04 and my Doctors weren't too confident about my condition either, but here I am...still here and doing well. If I was you, I would sit down and ask the Doctor the questions that are bothering you, and take it from there, remembering that Doctors generally work on stats. I don't worry about stats... I like to make my own.:-)
Wishing you and your family...particularly your wife... all the best, and I hope she gets some good news soon. Please stay in touch and let us kn