Aa
my mom stage 4 and says NO for the surgery,what to do?
hello everyone,
my mom is 60 years old and was diagnosed on august 2010 that she has ovarian cancer CA 125:570 and CA19-9 188,with ascites,omental nodules,left pleural effusion and left adrenal nodule which means stage 4,she had chemo first for 6 cycles and both tumor markers showed satisfacting reduction and ct scan showed marked reduction as well and now she is supposed to have surgery but she refuses doing it and the whole family wants her to do it for a better chance and a good quality of life,we dont know what to do regarding her refusal we tried to convince her,but in vain.
i am looking for any hope if she doesnt do the operation,can anyone help
cant wait for ur reply
my mom is 60 years old and was diagnosed on august 2010 that she has ovarian cancer CA 125:570 and CA19-9 188,with ascites,omental nodules,left pleural effusion and left adrenal nodule which means stage 4,she had chemo first for 6 cycles and both tumor markers showed satisfacting reduction and ct scan showed marked reduction as well and now she is supposed to have surgery but she refuses doing it and the whole family wants her to do it for a better chance and a good quality of life,we dont know what to do regarding her refusal we tried to convince her,but in vain.
i am looking for any hope if she doesnt do the operation,can anyone help
cant wait for ur reply
Thank you so much for your reply and care, it gave me hope about the long term stage 4 survivors,i hope everything would be better and she would feel peace with her decision
I am sorry to hear about your mom. I understand your desire to have her get the surgery in hopes of extending her life. I am not sure that it will make her quality of life better though. If she is in a weakened condition, the surgery will be very hard for her. There are many possible complications from the surgery, especially when it is in multiple areas. Over the months she has been in chemo, she may have had conversations with her doctor and other cancer patients that has led her to this change of plans.
You can try to talk to her about the advantages and hopefully she will reconsider if this is the course the doctor is advising. Also, you may want to see if there is a clinical trial available. It is so hard on the entire family when a loved one has cancer. But, don't let this differing opinion get in the way of the quality time you spend with her from this point forward. Tell her you love her and support her no matter what her decision. Ultimately, you can't make her do it. And, she really should trust her own judgment regarding this surgery.
Even if she doesn't do the operation, she may still have as much time and better quality of life as if she does surgery. At Stage 4, the surgery alone can't remove all the cancer. It can hopefully cut it back and give more time. But, if the colon is involved or the bladder...she could end up with a colostomy and/or nephrostomy bag. If she still has the lingering pleural effusion, her body may never fully recover from this major surgery. There are long term survivors with Stage 4. No two cases are alike. So, there is always hope. It is also possible that she can skip the surgery, but have chemo again if the tumors start to grow.
It is just a very hard place to be. I can feel the angst in your post and know I would feel the same way about my mom. Perhaps, one more conversation with your mom will help you understand her reasons and possibly change her mind. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and family!
Shelly
You can try to talk to her about the advantages and hopefully she will reconsider if this is the course the doctor is advising. Also, you may want to see if there is a clinical trial available. It is so hard on the entire family when a loved one has cancer. But, don't let this differing opinion get in the way of the quality time you spend with her from this point forward. Tell her you love her and support her no matter what her decision. Ultimately, you can't make her do it. And, she really should trust her own judgment regarding this surgery.
Even if she doesn't do the operation, she may still have as much time and better quality of life as if she does surgery. At Stage 4, the surgery alone can't remove all the cancer. It can hopefully cut it back and give more time. But, if the colon is involved or the bladder...she could end up with a colostomy and/or nephrostomy bag. If she still has the lingering pleural effusion, her body may never fully recover from this major surgery. There are long term survivors with Stage 4. No two cases are alike. So, there is always hope. It is also possible that she can skip the surgery, but have chemo again if the tumors start to grow.
It is just a very hard place to be. I can feel the angst in your post and know I would feel the same way about my mom. Perhaps, one more conversation with your mom will help you understand her reasons and possibly change her mind. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and family!
Shelly
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