Daughter has friend who lies

[Katiesmom924]

MY 8 year old daughter has a friend who lies to get my daughter into trouble.  There habe been several instances
where her friend fell and said my daughter pushed her down.  She eventually told her parents the truth, but she never told her teacher she was lying.  There was another time she told a teacher that my daughter scratched her, but she didn't.  My daughter sat in time-out for the remainder of recess.  Anytime this happens, her friend never apologizes to
my daughter.  I am wondering if this is normal, but my daughter doesn't have these issues with any other friends.
I am also concerned that the lies are going to get worse with age.  I am always wondering what she will say next.
I have encouraged my daughter to break away from this friendship, but for some reason she really likes this girl.
The parents haven't really helped-they never make their daughter apologize, even when they tell her to she doesn't
say the words.  Or they say "I'm not saying your daughter is lying, but...."  They are in complete denial of their daughter's behavior.  If the attention isn't on her, she finds a way to get attention either by crying or pretending to be hurt.  She does this at school, birthday parties, you name it!  Without being too pushy I try to tell my daughter to choose her friends carefully.  Should I disourage the friendship more than I am?  If not, how can I resolve this issue?

[specialmom]

I'd be very unhappy with this situation too.  I think I'd talk to your daughters teacher first of all.  I'd let her know what is going on---  not to make things difficult for this other child but to protect your own.  

Then I'd have a chat with the little girl directly.  (do you see her outside of school?)  I'd let her know that you expect her to tell the truth regarding your daughter, period.  And that you want them to be friends but this can't go on.  I wouldn't say it mad or upset, just as a matter of fact.  You're on to her and you aren't buying.

Then I'd talk to your daughter.  I wouldn't bad mouth this little girl, but I'd come up with a plan for when the girl lies about her or in general.  Who to tell.  What to say. How to react.  Without her knowing, I'd foster friendships with some of the other kids---  set up a playdate during non school hours with another girl she likes and keep doing that.

Lastly, your job is only to protect YOUR child.  This other little girl will probably learn the lesson the hard way.  If her parents aren't willing to help her---  they will have to deal with the aftermath.  And if the lies become serious as in she steals something and says your daughter did----  well, if you've addressed lying with the teacher and couselor--- they are prepared.  Good luck!!

[jdtm]

We had the same thing happen to granddaughter.  Our granddaughter suffers from severe social anxiety.  At first, this other child was a good friend to our granddaughter.  But, as our granddaughter began to "come out" of her social enclave, the other child probably felt threatened and things started to deteriorate and frankly, bullying occurred.  Eventually, our granddaughter found new friends but it did take some time.  I once asked her "why she put up with this friend" and her reply - "a bad friend is better than no friend".  Just our experience and perhaps insight into a child's behaviour ....