This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
My fiance's 9.5 year old daughter is a delight and has a great relationship with her father. He is very attentive and is a fantastic father. In the last couple months, his daughter has had alot of difficulty on the weekends she's with her dad- she needs to call her mother frequently and is contstantly missing her mother. She does not want to do the things she usually loves doing with us, has gained a significant amount of weight, and is tired all the time. She gets up at 5am to go to her grandparents home prior to her 9:00am school start due to mom's work schedule. I thought she was just very very tired but her attachment to her mother is really becoming alarming in that she does not want to go anywhere, do anything unless mom will be there. Mom is extremely attached to the child as well... they're more like friends than parent/child and this has concerned my fiance so much so that he is taking steps to spend more time with his daughter. She is not participating in activities outside of her mother and when she has playdates she needs to call her mother. Her parents have been divorced as long as she can remember so this doesn't seem to be some result of the divorce. She has just entered third grade and does great in school. What can we do, if anything, if even necessary, with regard to this alarming attachment to the mother? Personally, we think mom needs more of an adult social life to show the daughter that she has healthy relationships. Daughter seems to have only one friend- the son of mother's best friend. Suggestions? Nothing to worry about?
Divorce is terrible for a kid- she is making the best of the insanity.....whether she was conscious of the divorce or not- parents are not together now/ the two people she loves most.
I would not let her rule how things go though- I would just continue the mantra- "you'll be home with mom soon- everything will be fine"- thi self soothing talk will hopefully work a bit- do not let her hear you talk negatively just discussing it all in private is one thing- but stay POSITIVE and only say positive things when the daughter is around----- my son did this with me and although understandable even at that age- I didn't want his dad letting him run the course of the weekend, etc... if he wanted to come home- he would let him...... I said 'Just tell him you want to be with him a bit and he will come home in a few days (hours)... I wanted him home too- but- all I can say is divorce is insane- whether I was ok with it or not- I had to deal with it----
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