Teen Promiscuity Out of Hand

My daughter is thirteen years old, and her good looks have been getting noticed by the boys. This has been going on ever since she was about eleven or twelve.

Unfortunately, this has been getting out of hand and has become a sexual thing. First thing had to do with kissing, then it escalated into touching of privates, and then stripping nude.

I've tried talking to her about sex, love, etc. and she refuses to listen to me and doesn't want to talk about it. I've been recently notified by the mother of another boy that her son told her that a high school aged kid (he's in the 8th grade but is almost sixteen,) had asked her for oral sex.

When I confronted her she told me that it was true but did not go any farther into the details.

I don't want to be feeling uncomfortable letting her hang out with her friends if there are boys around. What should I do to take control of this situation? I've tried everything from isolating her from visits to friends' houses, threatening to change school schedule/enrolling her in private school, home schooling, taking away TV, computer, cell phones, etc.

Please tell me what I can do!

[RockRose]

Where is her dad?  Is he in the home?  Often girls without dads go looking for male love in all the wrong places . . .

She needs to somehow get the truth - that boys don't like and respect girls like that,  they just want to have sex with them and she will be ashamed,  lonely and without good friends if she continues to act out sexually this way.  I don't know actually how you get that message across,  somehow she'll get it and by that time it will be too late.

I would suggest talking to the counselor at her school.  They may have some good ideas.

[blujay12]

Yes, my daughter does have a father. He's a living, breathing, un-divorced man. He lives in the same home as her and he is not far away at the moment. However, at the moment, she's not getting along with him and a lot of it has to do with this situation.

[RockRose]

blujay,  your husband is the key here to getting his daughter to act appropriately.  

I did this paper in college,  "The affect of absent fathers on girl's sex role development".  Very eye opening,  really,  and very clear.     The research touched on girls who are missing fathers due to death (they become wallflowers often,  and are uncomfortable around boys) and girls who have absent fathers because their fathers purposely abandoned them (act out overtly sexually).  

Obviously not every girl and every family follows the pattern,  there are lots of exceptions,  this is just a pattern.  

She's acting as if her father has rejected her.    I think the key to helping her behavior return to normal is for her father to begin giving her a lot of positive attention.

Best wishes.

[blujay12]

It's going to be difficult, but I'm going to talk to both of them about it...