Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
3 year old with anxiety disorder
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3 year old with anxiety disorder

Hi my 3 year old son is very talkative at home with family members, but when he goes to daycare which he has been in for more than 1 year he still cries until I leave.  The educator told me that he is extremely shy and most times won't talk.   I Just recently went to a birthday party and when my son saw the children from daycare it was like he started to have an anxiety attack.  Making different sounds, but would not talk.  I'm wondering if he will outgrow this or this his personality not very social.  


Tks

Karen
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Children do not outgrow anxiety disorders nor do they go away - they learn how to manage and control their fears/anxieties.  If, indeed, your child is suffering from an anxiety disorder, he will require help.  Making "sounds" and not saying words is a huge red flag of "selective mutism" - his anxiety is so great he is unable to speak words (sometimes the vocal chords actually tighten so no sound can emanate).  You should be able to find lots of information and help on the best site on the internet re SM at "selectivemutism.org".  I might suggest you first read the FAQ's and then perhaps order the book "The Ideal Classroom Teacher for the Selectively Mute Child" by Dr. Elisa Shipon-**** in order to give to your son's teacher (it's less than $20 and worth its weight in gold - for both you and the school).  There are also downloads on that site than you can print and give to your son's teacher.

You should discuss this severe form of social anxiety (that is what sm is) with your son's pediatrician/family doctor (if he/she is unaware of this disorder then ask for a referral to a doctor with experience in anxiety issues).  Treatment for such a young child usually involves intervention which might be as simple as scheduling several playdates and over-socializing your son at every opportunity available (shopping, malls, McDonald's, parks, church, etc.)  If it helps, our child was selectively mute for several years and today she is doing so well - in her last year of elementary school.  The fact that your son is able to "make sounds" is a good sign and with proper assistance at school, he should learn to manage his fears sooner than our child.  But be aware that the earlier the treatment; the better the prognosis and the shorter the treatment time.  Three years of age is an excellent time to begin to address this issue.  If you have any questions, please write back.  I wish you the best .......
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I think he will out grow it he is very young and small children often just want their Moms around , when you went to the party and he saw the little friends from his school he probably thought you wre going to leave, if possible make more time to be with him he is asking for more of your time try to give it to him, you will be glad you did.Does he go to day care for long hours if you could lessen them it would be good. Not easy trying to work and have a Family but they do need their parents in those formative years
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