Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
EX ALLOWS CHILD TO SLEEP WITH NEW BOYFRIEND AFTER 30 DAYS
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting toddlers (age 1-5), including physical, speech, sensory, cognitive and emotional development, choosing a daycare/nanny, games & activities, and toilet training.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

EX ALLOWS CHILD TO SLEEP WITH NEW BOYFRIEND AFTER 30 DAYS

I recently split from my wife and she has had a number of 'men in her life' in a relatively short period of time (not an issue for this reason alone).  The last two ended on bad terms.  Her new boyfriend of about a month is now sleeping at her apartment (no problem with that)  on a regular basis and she is allowing him to share a bed with my 5 year-old daughter (huge problem with this) and her 11 year-old daughter by previous marriage.  She doesn't seem to think this is a problem.  Everyone I talked to is appalled.  I asked her to not allow this to happen - to let a 'stranger' sleep with my daughter.  She says they will be getting married but I still do not think this is appropriate in any way.  My daughter recently complained that he is around too much and that 'his voice scared her.'  I confirmed that he does not yell at her but the idea of a strange man being perfectly comfortable sharing a bed with the two little girls of his new girlfriend is just creepy.  

Does anyone care to sound off on this?  Does anyone know of any precedence on this type of issue?  

Thanks for any feedback you give.
Related Discussions
8 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
You need to call DCFS right now.... As the father of your little girl it is your job to protect her. This is not a time to discuss if there could be a problem because there is. Your daughter should not have been put in this situation, and DCFS will not take instances like this lightly. You need to get her removed from the home before she is molested.... Sorry to be so dramatic, but, as you know, this is not something one should spend time thinking about- action is needed.
Blank
603946_tn?1333945439


The scary voice is just a man-ly thing possibly and it is probably very normal as a preteen/ boys and girls should have a ' healthy fear ' of their father figure..... We have been thru the whole thing in this house with my great nieces- That healthy fear would not allow them to begin to question my husband's their uncle's authority.... They never sassed him and they never disobeyed him...

Try to keep all that in perspective...... he is basically their step father/foster father now. You'd be wise to make friends with him and eventually share all parenting responsibilities and to ultimately and without hostility have such a good relationship with him you can discuss the sleeping arrangements/ all parenting issues man to man.
Just tell him you afraid things will be said and it would be best for all if the girls slept alone from now on......


Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I can't believe a mother would allow a man to come into her home with her children after such a short dating period.  One month is absolutely way too short a period of time to even consider letting a new partner into the home, and definitely too early for sleeping over. It is appalling that she is letting him sleep in the same bed with your daughters.  I absolutely agree with the first person who answered your post.  If you don't take action to protect your daughter, then you are leaving her vulnerable to God only knows what type of dangers.  Your ex couldn't possibly know this man well enough after a month to know that he won't do anything to her or the children.  Not to mention, it is really creepy that this guy is comfortable sleeping in the same bed as these girls. Would an upstanding, good guy really be comfortable doing that?  I doubt it.  I don't think the authorities would look too kindly on grown men sleeping in the same bed as young girls.  I would definitely report it.  Get that creep out of her bed!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
you need to put a stop to it. Please.  It is possible for somthing to be going on without anyone knowing about it as i was a victim   as for the scary voice he could use that to his advantage by scaring them he will be able to ensure that if anything was going to happen then the girls would be to scared to tell someone
Blank
728748_tn?1235615382
How is it that he is sharing a bed with the 5 and 11 year old?  Do they sleep with their mother?  If that is so then that is the problem.  Those children need their own beds and to be in them.  Even if if you were still together and you were the man, things happen between men and women in a bed that children should not be exposed to.    If the children still sleep with their mother, then the new boyfriend may not be objecting because he doesn't want to create problems with the children.   I am not saying it is right, but he just may not be a child molester.  It could just be a case of the children needing to be in their own beds.  
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
thank you to everyone that has provided feedback. DCF was called and a complaint was recorded.  the problem is that my ex- is a 'service provider' for DCF.  when the investigator showed up to question everyone there was a 'blanket denial' that anyone was sleeping in bed with the new boyfriend.  that is, THE GIRLS WERE COACHED TO LIE. i have text message proof from the ex- that the boyfriend was in fact sleeping with them but it didn't matter to the investigator that she lied since she wasn't breaking any 'laws' by allowing them to sleep in bed with the new boyfriend.  

since my original posting, the ex- tried to leave town with my little girl and the boyfriend on a 'mini-vacation' during the time i was supposed to be visiting with my daughter as per our signed agreement - blatantly violating the agreement we spent a lot of time and lawyers fees on.  i had to have the local sheriff's office intercept them at the airport and deny them boarding the aircraft.  the ex- got pissed and filed a perjured TRO (temporary restraining order) which she dropped at the advice of her lawyer.  at the courthouse my lawyer had to prevent her from coming at me as i tried to walk down the hallway with him after the case was dismissed.  she then screamed at me as we exited down a stairwell.  DRAMA!  so, after thousands of dollars spent we are still trying to get her to stop allowing the boyfriend (now fiance) to sleep with my daughter (which she still reports is going on).  we were ordered to mediation by the judge before the case is heard.  a report was filed with the sheriff's office on her committing perjury by filing a falsified report (a felony in the third-degree) with pages of documentation to support it.  they sheriff had to be forced to take the report and then said they WOULD NOT investigate it (this is the BIGGEST sheriff's office in the nation by the way).  the State Attorneys office stated that there seemed to be enough to press charges on her and a former state attorney (friend) said he would definitely have taken the case.  however, nobody wants to move on it.  so, i've had to take other avenues of approach (legally, of course) to hold her accountable and now must hire a criminal attorney to get the TRO expunged from my record.  this is far from over and, again, i appreciate all of your feedback on this.  lesson for everyone......keep all of your texts/emails when dealing with problem relationships.  archive all of them!
Blank
728748_tn?1235615382
Please remember this woman is still the mother of your children, and there was obviously something in her that you liked at one point in time.  She may not be making the best choices right now, but it is best that the children aren't hurt and dragged through the troubles of their parents relationship.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
My daughter is letting her four year old sleep between her and a new beau. I am so disturbed, my daughter thinks I am interfering. Help?
                    Californianana
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
Marathon Running Done Over Many Yea...
May 21 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Article on Multifocal IOL vs &q...
May 21 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
748543_tn?1371753642
Blank
TMJ/TMJ The Connection Between Teet...
Jan 27 by Hamidreza Nassery , DMD, FICOI, FAGDBlank