I have a two year old daughter and am having trouble with teaching her right from wrong. She talks back and will hit for no reason. She has a hard time playong with other children her age or younger. She can't keep her hands to herself. And when she gets anger or hurt she tends to choke herself by shoving her hands down her throat. I am afriad and don't know what to do. We tried everything we could think of. Will she ever grow out of this? Is this a phase every xhild goes through or is she troubled? In need of advice. Cause I am pregnant and will give birth in May and am worried how she will react to a new baby. Will she mellow oit or will she get worse?
Most kids at 2 will do better at parallel play then playing together. It's a tough age for sure. Here are a few things we did with my son (who will be 3 tomorrow) that seem to work.
Close supervision. When something inappropriate happens, no warnings. The key to this is being very very calm. Just pick her up and tell her calmly that hitting or whatever is not ok and she needs quiet time. Put her in her room and close the door. She's going to scream, just wait her out. When she calms down, go in, pick her up, tell her you love her and go back to life as normal. If she does it again, repeat. It doesn't take long to get the message across. I highly recommend the book Love and Logic. It worked incredibly well for us, and I follow it closely now.
The other thing is to make sure you pick your battles. You want to focus on the major things like hitting, biting and anything that hurts. It is normal for her to try to push boundaries right now, it's part of learning.
She is very aggressive. Me and my fiance have tries to be calm with her but its like she don't listen and we have tried the quiet time in her room but its like when we do that she gets worse and when we walk away and let her alone she trys to shove her hand down her throat. I don't like scolding. She gets really heart broken when we scold her. She screams for hours on end. We have lessened the amount we get fustrated with her. And focus on more serious things. She still acts out. I will look for that book you recommened. Thank you.
I agree that scolding also isn't very effective, at least not with my child. And the minute I raise my voice at all, things get worse. I use some of the key words in Love and Logic. A scenario for you:
My son begins to act out for whatever reason. I look at him, and in a very very calm voice say "Oh, so sad. Ryder has to go to his room for quiet time". I don't say another word, just pick him up, put him in his room, and close the door. I am right outside the door, and his room is very very safe for him, so I know he is ok. When he calms down (sometimes this takes a minute, other times several) I go in and say something like "oh good, so glad you feel better. Now we can play".
It's also really important to balance this with lots and lots of positive attention. I make it a point to tell him thank you for helping, or for sharing, or playing nicely with friends or me. Whatever the case may be.
This really truly works, and it's so simple really. It just takes practice. It has reached the point that if my son hits, the second I say "oh oh, so sad" and pick him up, he is saying to me "I want to say sorry". Or the minute a tantrum starts, and again I say "oh oh, so sad" he'll look at me and say "I'm calm mommy".
They need to know you mean it. And they need to know how much you appreciate their good behavior. This really really works, and it works quickly. They are smart and quickly catch on.
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