troubled 4

[JMC6371]

My four yr old son is in his third school ( we call day care school) in less than 8 months  right now. He has been considered by all of these schools very smart, quick to learn, determined. But all the schools seem to deal with an issue of him wanting to things that he wants to do. And if he doesn't get his way he starts to become very disruptive. He becomes mean to others, hits, throws things, and will simply refuse to join in. Because he is in VPK he must start showing that he can take direction from others and listen. With all the schools we have asked them to call us and involve us when the instance occurs, but a lot of times they don't until they can't handle him any more. Which is usually long after the incident and too late to discuss the situation with him. He does this same thing with his mother some times. I used to spank him and so i don't see it much. But i have also moved away from spanking because I know it is just wrong to spank for too many different things. Most of the time now my approach is to make sure i  have his attention and he is looking at me. Then i explain his wrong doing, then time out for 4-6 minutes. Sometimes in timeout he will scream out. I let him scream and don't react. It becomes crying I and I see him calm down. Our big problem here is the schools and his hitting and throwing when things don't go his way. The schools say they can't discipline him with time outs and things because someone must sit with him to make sure he stays. We can't afford to keep changing schools. And we want him to do better before regular school starts. We have read and started implementing The Magic, of 1,2,3. Any further advice?

[specialmom]

Well,  I hate to say this but 3 different schools say he stands out from his peers with regards to behavior.  That is not coincidence.  I think you are going to have to look a little further as to what the problem is. I would request an evaluation from your public school system (if you live in the US) as by law they must provide this.  I'd ask for a mental health evaluation and an occupational therapist evaluation.  At that point, if it is determined that he qualifies, he can go to the public school systems early intervention preschool program provided by law.  

My son is a very smart 5 year old, reads and writes like a champ.  He has always done better than his peers academically.  However, while in preschool they had some issues with him.  He would melt down over things, not participate at times, had trouble sitting for a task of any sort, had peer problems, etc.  We were lucky that this little church preschool contracted with a counseling agency that observed him and we were told he had some sensory issues.  We went to an occupational therapist for a formal evaluation and sure enough, our super smart, cool kid has sensory integration disorder.  He found the preschool enviroment to overload his nervous system and then  he couldn't cope with the usual frustrations.  His peschool accomadated the situation, we were very blessed.  We do occupational therapy once a week and lots of things at home (lots of physical stuff really helps like swimming, climbing, etc.).  He is now in kindergarten and I have yet to have a complaint from the teachers.  He is doing great in so many ways and is so much happier.  His self esteem is very high and it wasn't when the problem was still unknown.  

I am not saying your child has a developmental delay as mine does.  I have no idea.  But behavior that routinely is so far out of the norm to be asked to leave not one but three preschool/daycares should be taken seriously.  The earlier you find out what the  problem is the better the chances of your child finding the right formula to be successful and happy.  Good luck.