8 year old boy sleeping in bed with mom

[roxy5180]

Is it okay for an 8 year old boy to still be sleeping in bed with his mom?  My boyfriend's son is still sleeping in bed with his mom.  His mom doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it.  My boyfriends son ask him if i could sleep in bed with my son and if he and his dad could sleep in the same bed.  Is it against the law?  It almost seems like a form of abuse to me.  I bet money if it was a little girl sleeping in bed with her dad someone would call someone!  

[margypops]

It isnt wrong for a Mom and her son to sleep in the same bed, in Europe it is very common, and in some countries families have a large bed and they all sleep in it together. You are interpreting  that there is something sexual , perhaps in this world those things do happen but most times when parents share their bed with their children it has nothing to do with sex but more to do with Love and comfort and maybe convenience .Probably most children out grow this anyway and once puberty is reached  or earlier they naturally want their own room and privacy.

[mtgoat911]

my children are 9 and 7
when my husband is away on bussiness, both my kids sleep with me
why are you so worried about the way your boyfriends x parents?
its really none of your concern
unless you are afraid he is in danger
how in the heck can someone consider what you have explained as abuse
let me guess...you hare not a parent!

[fawngonzalez]

Hi Hun,

My 7 year-old son still sleeps with my husband and I, he does so because he is scared to sleep alone. I'm sure your bf's ex lets her son sleep with him out of comfort for him because he probably doesn't want to sleep alone, from what you explained he wants to sleep with his father as well. I think you might be misconstruing the situation as something inappropriate when it probably is completely innocent.

[babygirl6152]

It's not illegal. Most of us when single parents have done it for awhile.

[pink7surf23]

I don't believe it is abusive, but I don't think it's right. I don't think I child should be sleeping with their parents until they are 8 years old, it's ridiculous.  I see nothing wrong with an occasional stay in the parents bedroom, but every night is excessive.  I have 2 daughter my  1 year old who sleeps in her own room and my 6 year old step daughter, I love both very much. My 6 year old asks to sleep with us whenever she comes to stay with us. We sit her down and assure her that she is safe in her room and we are right next door just in case and explain that she is a big girl and needs to learn to sleep in her own bed.  When it's bedtime we take her to bed, tuck her in, tell her we love her, and seal it with a kiss.  She is fine all weekend and sleeps wonderfully in her own room and bed.

The problem is that her mother allows her to sleep every night in bed with her along with her 2 year old brother. She has her own room and her own bed, but she still sleeps with her mom. Her step father even gets booted to the floor so the 2 kids can sleep with mom.  She has now developed detachment anxiety, doing this is mentally damaging to a child. Every time she leaves her mother she cries and gets scared.  After a lot of work with her, she now still cries, but not even 5 minutes later after leaving her mother she now plays and has a grand time never even mentioning her mother all weekend.  

Whether anyone on here wants to admit it or not, it is damaging to a child.

[margypops]

I agree it may be preferable but it certainly is not abuse as roxy suggested, it is choices and what parents are comfortable doing ,a lot of the World dont have seperate rooms and have to share,it works for some families.

[StepDad]

My wife lay's down with my stepson who is 12. Every night that he is here with us. til he falls asleep. they call it snuggling time.
I personally think its weird. but, the majority of people say its fine.

[margypops]

I do agree on a point you made that the step Dad gets booted out onto the floor(your terms) not a good idea and also if the chilldren are showing anxiety it needs to be addressed, this is differant from the post Roxy posted, So it sounds as if you got a handle on it and the child is doing well.  Roxy was inferring it was abusive, however I do think that when a child is older he or she is better off in their own bed in their own room,giving them some independance and also improving the parents privacy and sleeping.

[my2sons37]

I have 2 boys ages 7 and 9. On the weekends (when they don't have friends over) they take turns sleeping w/me and I love it. We are so busy all of the time that those precious moments between going to bed and sleep are filled with wonderful conversation.My husband doesn't get it but to me I cherish that 1 on 1 time with all my heart. Don't judge the mother too harshly.

[margypops]

When I was a child in Europe, even when we went to visit relatives all the girls piled into one bed to sleep, no one thought any thing was bad, and also they have the Family bed in Italy and all the family sleep together, I cant imagine most of Italy to be perverted ,it seems to me to be a matter of choice and comfort( I still wouldnt boot" the step Dad onto the floor".

[Tayzoe]

I suggest you read any book by Dr. Sears(Pediatrician) and his Wife(Nurse) And you will find it is called Co-sleeping and is in no way or form Damaging to a child!! Why anyone considers it normal for a newborn baby to be taken from its mothers warm womb listening to her heartbeat for 9 months to be placed in a Cold crib is beyond Me. We share a family bed we have 2 daughters ages 8 and 3. Our 8 year old sleeps in her own bed but still have nights where she is afraid and seeks the security of my husband and myself to hold her and tell her she is safe. How is that Damaging?? Perhaps what is most difficult is the child dealing with the separation of his parents.When the child comes to visit and is told its wrong to sleep in the same bed as his daddy, isn't that a form of seperation anxiety?? Is it more damaging for that child to curl up and sleep with his father than crying in a strange bedroom alone?? If it was a little girl sleeping with her Dad why would that be wrong??? Is it wrong for a little girl to be hugged or kissed or sit on her daddy's knee??? 8 years old is still a child we are not talking about 13 or 15 year old adolescents here. Why must people make so many things that are completley innocent into something "Damaging, or Dirty or Wrong" I suggest you pick up a book by Dr Sears or any other doctor from the 21st Century before you jump to conclusions

[margypops]

That was a good post Tayzoe and true this is what I have found with families,it is a matter of their choice and comfort, I will look up Dr Sears book so I may refer it to other parents concerned if they are doing the right thing..Thank you

[dad1407]

As a boy I slept with my mom until I was 14 years old.  My parents divorced when I was 7 and my dad moved away when I was 9.  I strongly recommend not allowing a boy to sleep with his mom, even after a divorce.  There was nothing inapproporiate going on other than it slowed my development and made me feel ashamed.  It's not about whether the parent likes it or not, its about the well-being of the child and his sense of stability and security.  

[margypops]

Thank you dad for another aspect of the issue ,I would say 14 is longer than would be comfortable as you had entered puberty, most times the co sleeping finishes around 11-12 years old naturally as children want their own space and privacy ., you are correct when you say its about the well being of the child, did you express your feelings to your Mom ?

[Lonelymom]

My kids are 8, 6, and 3 and they all sleep with me from time to time. My husband has been "booted" out of bed because of kids wanting to sleep with me. He laughs tells them okay and moves to the couch. I dont see anything wrong with it. If they had a bad dream or woke up and are scared of something I don't mind giving them that extra comfort. Also it won't be long before they won't be doing it any more and I know I will miss cuddling up with them at night.

[rjb999]

Just got back from my Grandsons doctor.   While there, my daughter asked the question posted here, His replay was that the cuttoff age for sleeping with the mother or parents is about 6 years old.

The child should be put into his/her own bed.  IF THEY FUSS, a parent should setup a sleeping blanket or a cott next to the childs bed, to assure them that they are safe and when they fall asleep, the parents should go back to their own room.  He stated that, this usually will go on for only a week or two.  By then the child should feel safe sleeping in their own room.  Once in a while you may have to repeat this only if the child is scared or having bad dreams.

So there you are girls.   Time to break that apron string and let you child grow up

[margypops]

Well that is one Doctors opinion, I have known three Doctors personally in my life here two of them co slept with their children in a King size bed (not both families in one bed  LOL) till the children got to 13 and wanted their own privacy.

[schoolsurehaschanged]

I was a little girl who slept with my dad and although I don't like the comment about how people would report it, it's probably true because of the double standard.  My father was a wonderful human being who took on the responsibility of raising his only daughter himself.  There were many nights that I was honored to have his company.  I'm glad he was his own man and allowed it because into adulthood I carry some wonderful lessons from the things we discussed while he told me stories, asked me about my thoughts, my feelings, and was actually, a parent above and beyond asking me how school was at the dinner table.

[geets]

I think its not a problem to sleep with your child.

[Alice724]

I know this thread is for kids --- but I what about a 35 year old man who goes on vacations with his mother and they share the same bed. My boyfriend told me it was because the room only had a king. But he and his mom have done this before. I know there is nothing sexual going on. But I am right to think this is not acceptable?

[grammy429]

My 9 year old grandson and my daughter live with me. Two years ago my daughter was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder...She manages to work...but her mood swings are terrible! Miy grandson was diagnosed with OCD and recently with Assenvberger's Syndrome...My daughter was molested by her father, who is now dead, when she was about 9...The problem is she sleeps with him almost everynight..She claims her bed is too messy, but doesn't really make an effort to clean it. I've told her to tuck her son into bed, and when she falls asleep, to go into her own bed, which she does rarely. I'll tell you I'm worried what might be happening in his bedroom...being that she was molested and is highly sexualy herself, I worry that she might be doing things with him, either before or when he's gone to sleep! He's very attached to her and visa versa...she's always kissing him or he gets on top of her and starts kissing her...I'm terribly worried and I've thought of getting a tiny camcorder and record them...My daughter's behavior is unpredictable and you never know when or for what reason she can become verbally abusive...One night she took her son into his bedroom and antagonized and berated him for one hour(believe me I counted for asking his Mom if he coud stay up a little longer,,,that's it! Her actions and emotions are so erradic that I worry for him sexually and emotionally. Naturally he loves her, but he doesn't understand the ramification of her actions..I want to put a hidden camcorder in his room,,,but it's against the law in my state....but I'm almost beside myself with worry for my grandson. If I say anything about her behavior toward him...she starts yelling so loud that it scares him. If I say the least little bit negative thing toward her, she takes it out on HIM and me. I'd think about kicking her out, but I know I'd be puttting him in harms way both   verbally, impatience helping him with his homework and G-d knows what else!
I'm so worried for him,,,with his problems, what will happen to him in the future...what terrible things she will say to destroy what little self esteem he has.

[margypops]

As you said you know there is nothing sexual going on how does it affect you.... why would you think that someone else choosing  to  sleep with their Mom, hurts you in any way, years ago people slept together it is a modern attitude that makes out it is wrong. What about the many countries cant afford to sleep seperatly?best to saty out of his business if it offends you. PS.. this is an old thread dragged up.

[likeike03]

I don't think there is anything wrong with sleeping with your children.  My son is six and he still sleeps with me.  He has his own bedroom, so it's not out of necessity.  There are several reasons he sleeps with me:  I am a single mom, so we both like having the other to cuddle with and talk to before bed.  With football practice and homework, and school, and dinner and baths, there seems to be very few moments of the day where we are simply doing "nothing" and can just enjoy eachother's company like we do when we're laying in the bed before we fall asleep.  In addition, he is actually AFRAID.  I can't feel good about putting him in a bedroom, KNOWING he is downright scared.  What is the harm in letting him sleep by my side.  He also has terrible nightmares.  I too have nightmares and have had them terribly since I was a small child.  I was afraid to sleep and be in my room.  My parents did not allow  me in their bed and so many times, to me, as a young child it literally seemed like torture to just lay there and be scared to death.  There will come a time when our children wont even want to be in the same room as we are.  Enjoy it while you can.  Unless you have something personal to gain from them not sleeping with you, such as getting more sleep, or their desire for not wanting to sleep alone is NOT from fear, then what's the harm?

[mlg1101]

It is all a matter of opinion...all doctors say something different and parents say something different as well. Don't forget all kids are different too!! I sleep with my 6 year old daughter and she is extremely smart and VERY independent!! I don't believe that it has done her any harm at all.  For those that say it's harmful...says who? Where are those facts? studies? proof? Do we just believe something because one doctor or one news article says so??? Ask questions people, don't be sheep. Human kind has done this for years!!