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7-hr old daughter mean to mother and older sister when I am not home
My 7-yr old daughter is extremely disrespectful, and sometimes physically violent with my wife and our other children. I have a 9-yr old daugther, and an 18-month old daughter, and a baby on the way. The only ones that my daughter seems to target is the 9-yr old, and when she does she often is verbally abusive and physically violent...sometimes for no reason. She also gets extremely disobedient and disrespectful with my wife, and will often times whack at her or try to slam the door on her. I just got a call from my wife saying that she laid out some clothes for her to wear, and my daughter responded by saying, "I'm not wearing that and you can't make me.." and then in a very sing-song voice she continued to say, "You can't make me, you can't make me....". What makes all this hard for me is that this pretty much only happens when I am not home, and when I am home she does act mean to her sister once in awhile, but never to my wife, but for the most part she is very loving and caring. So it is like two different people. She is a very loving and sweet girl, probably more than her sisters, but her behavior is getting worse towards my wife and her sister and needs to stop. CAN YOU HELP????
Maybe your wife is feeling overwhelmed and the 7 yr. old is picking up on that...or it very well could be for attention,after all she is the "dreaded middle child...remember Jan Brady...just kidding"--whether it's negative or not it's still attention. I also see nothing wrong with the father being the disiplinarian as long as he's not bombarded as soon as he walks through the door! Lol. That can cause more stress for the parents and that can lead to resentment.
In my house when the children were growing up (21 & 19 respectfully) my husband and I had very defined roles...he the bread winner--we owned our own business and me, I took care of the kids and the house. It pretty much worked--I'm not saying that there weren't days when I would say "wait till dad gets home" which would invoke fear and pleading promising that they would be the best kids ever and never ever fight again! Lol. But ya know, it worked. He never had to raise a hand to them because just a look would put them in there place.
As far as your daughter behaving like she 2 different kids is normal too. She knows what she can get away with with her mother and she also knows what she can't get away from dad. I'm telling ya these kids are smart and if they sense weakness they go in for the kill!! Lol.
My one and only suggestion to you is to be a united front with your wife with the kids and make them understand under no uncertain terms that if they're disrespectful to their mother or siblings there's going to be a punishment involved. Regardless. That truly was the one thing my husband would not put up with...them disrespecting me in any way and he made it very clear.
Ya know, raising kids is one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs that one can have and I believe that if you set good examples sooner or later everything works out. Good luck to your family.
In my house when the children were growing up (21 & 19 respectfully) my husband and I had very defined roles...he the bread winner--we owned our own business and me, I took care of the kids and the house. It pretty much worked--I'm not saying that there weren't days when I would say "wait till dad gets home" which would invoke fear and pleading promising that they would be the best kids ever and never ever fight again! Lol. But ya know, it worked. He never had to raise a hand to them because just a look would put them in there place.
As far as your daughter behaving like she 2 different kids is normal too. She knows what she can get away with with her mother and she also knows what she can't get away from dad. I'm telling ya these kids are smart and if they sense weakness they go in for the kill!! Lol.
My one and only suggestion to you is to be a united front with your wife with the kids and make them understand under no uncertain terms that if they're disrespectful to their mother or siblings there's going to be a punishment involved. Regardless. That truly was the one thing my husband would not put up with...them disrespecting me in any way and he made it very clear.
Ya know, raising kids is one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs that one can have and I believe that if you set good examples sooner or later everything works out. Good luck to your family.
big families, small families, it's all about one's preference and decision. i could argue all day long about a smaller family being the best as im sure you could argue points for the bigger one. it's a good thing for you to attempt to make things meet up the same as a smaller family. im happy for your children that they have a mother who's ready, willing, and able to meet their all of their individual needs. best wishes
First of all I never said that there was anything wrong with a father diciplining the child I do think that there is something wrong with the "wait till your father gets home" style of parenting as that doesn't make a child respect the mother it makes the child fear the father. Second, just because a child feels like she is being "replaced" doesn't mean that the parent is spending any less time with that child it is usually all in a child's head when this happens. But it's real to that child. Third, how many children I have doesn't have anything to do with my child's behavior toward me. It's making sure that my child gets my attention and making sure that that child knows that I love him/her and knows how much I love the child. I have 4 children and my two oldest want me to have more children, I'm personally done having children but that doesn't mean that there is a limit to how many children one should have. I grew up in a home with 4 of us children and my mother ended up raising us on her own and guess what we all turned out really damn good my little brother just graduated with his masters degree and my sister just celebrated her daughters 1st birthday and she has 3 children and my older brother you guessed it 3 children. All are well adjusted honor roll kids who are doing great. You probly don't have many children yoruself so that would make you an expert as it seems to be those who have none or 1 or 2 children know it all don't they.
it's funny how she said im being harsh but also mentions the same thing about the 7 yr old potentially feeling like she's being replaced or left out w/ the expanding family.
there's nothing wrong with a father being the disciplinarian. not only that, the girl respects him and possibly accepts him as an authority figure in the home. what needs to be established is communication and a method to be worked out between him and his wife.
i doubt that this child's behavior became this way over night and the mother will not be able to get a the respect and establish her position as an authority figure in one night either. it's just best to suggest methods of discipline for her to try out.
a large family is fine but it's already been proven that children who are in a smaller household size benefit from more close nit bonding and attention. but hey, who's gonna argue with another for attempting to match this with a bigger one? i think that's a wonderful thing and the whole point of having and taking care of our families anyway
there's nothing wrong with a father being the disciplinarian. not only that, the girl respects him and possibly accepts him as an authority figure in the home. what needs to be established is communication and a method to be worked out between him and his wife.
i doubt that this child's behavior became this way over night and the mother will not be able to get a the respect and establish her position as an authority figure in one night either. it's just best to suggest methods of discipline for her to try out.
a large family is fine but it's already been proven that children who are in a smaller household size benefit from more close nit bonding and attention. but hey, who's gonna argue with another for attempting to match this with a bigger one? i think that's a wonderful thing and the whole point of having and taking care of our families anyway
Wow that was kind of harsh. I have four children and ya know what just because my children act out doesnt' mean that they are not getting my attention or that I don't want to deal with the "headache" although there are times that I dont' want to deal with the headache but I do it because that is what a mother does. My two year old pulls this behavior and what I've taken to doing is putting her into a basket hold. I wrap my arms around her legs and hold her arms (only when she has her violent outbursts kicking and punching) as fat as telling her mother she can't make her hey all my kids have said that and my response is ya know what I can but I'm not going to hold you down and put that on you if you chose not to where what I put out for you then you will go out in your jammies and live with the consequenses ie. kids picking on you for looking rediculous. The whole deal with it when you get home HELLO it's not 1950 mom needs to handle it and if she refuses she should have a chair that your daughter sits in for 7 minutes and she isn't allowed to get up until she sits for 7 quiet minutes. Yes you should speak to your daughter when you get home and you and your wife (I'm not saying that you dont' do this it's just a thought and you may want to try this) may want to find a way to make sure that each of the children have at least 1/2 hour of time with you so maybe when the 18 month old is napping she can split the time up and give your daughters each some time alone. I know it's hard but it will be worth it or even play a game with both girls just make sure that they aren't feeling left out. With a little one in the house and another on the way it can cause fear in a 7 year old that they are being replaced. I'm not saying that's what it is, and as adults we know that this is not going to happen but as a little girl that can be a real fear. I would bet that if your wife makes a real effort to spend more quality time with her (games and interactive things puzzles reading) her behavior will probly change. Good luck and let me just say that I have a 9yr 7yr and 4 yr old boys and a 2 yr old girl and my children are all loved and I spend time with each of them and being a parent is about loving caring and being there for your children and while no it's not about having lots of kids it's rude of others to assume that those of us who have more than 1 or 2 children don't give our children love and devotion and tons of it people like that should just realize their own limitations. I have enough love that I could have 20 children I just don't have that much money!!! Enjoy your children and your wife will find something that works my boys went through a horrible stage (the older two) and I found that push ups for misbehaving worked wonders for them!! Good luch and congratulations on your new addition.
why is her behavior so much different when you are home? in any case, her bad behavior is not to be tolerated. a child telling an adult that they cant make them do something? that's ridiculous.
i understand that your wife may be pregnant and probably cant tolerate the stress and headache it will take in disciplining and raising this child right now. you need to discipline her according to her report when you get home though.
and perhaps she is acting out due to there being so much competition (other siblings) to compete with. her older sister needs the same amount of attention and assistance she does and the babies do/will require even more of it. perhaps, this is enough children for the two. parenting is not about having lots of kids, it's about giving the ones you have lots of love and devotion
i understand that your wife may be pregnant and probably cant tolerate the stress and headache it will take in disciplining and raising this child right now. you need to discipline her according to her report when you get home though.
and perhaps she is acting out due to there being so much competition (other siblings) to compete with. her older sister needs the same amount of attention and assistance she does and the babies do/will require even more of it. perhaps, this is enough children for the two. parenting is not about having lots of kids, it's about giving the ones you have lots of love and devotion
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